The 9 Most Scathing Critical Responses To 'Red Dawn'

You can be sure the folks at MGM are really happy they spent $70 million and counting remaking the totally '80s teen insurgency actioner Red Dawn for the CW set. (Not to mention sitting on, then digitally reworking their baddies from Chinese to more marketable Korean villains because they look similar enough anyway, right?) The clumsy, politically misguided, arguably irresponsible, totally "America, f*** yeah!" tale of Washingtonian teens taking up arms against North Korean invaders is so fantastically paranoid and plodding, it's yielded some of the most rancorous reviews in recent memory. Crack open a Budweiser and raise the flag and let's get to poring over the 9 most scathing critical responses to Red Dawn!
more »

It's Ryan Gosling's Birthday! Watch 9 Essential 'Mickey Mouse Club'-Era Baby Goose Moments

I don't care if you're already sick of the blogosphere's fawning, today is Ryan Gosling's birthday and that is practically an internet holiday. (Not to mention an actual one. Shout out to the veterans out there.) And unlike you Gosling latecomers out there who jumped on the Baby Goose train after The Notebook, some of us have been faithful fans for almost two decades now, and that kind of lifelong dedication warrants an entire post full of internet videos, okay?
more »

9 Last Minute 2012 Movie Halloween Costumes For The Procrastinating Cinephile

You're a procrastinator. You waited until the last moment to figure out your Halloween costume, and now you need ideas, fast — preferably ones that will impress your fellow movie nerds. Fear not! Here are 9 easy-ish cinephile-ready costumes inspired by some of this year's most memorable films...

CLOUD ATLAS
What do six interconnected characters in six time periods spanning from the 19th century Pacific to the future where Tom Hanks speaks the true-true have in common, despite wildly divergent costumes and fake noses and whatnot? THAT BIRTHMARK. Draw on your own Cloud Atlas comet mark of the Chosen One anywhere - your shoulder, the back of your head, your left butt cheek — and you're set. The best part: You can literally look like anyone and it still works. Just whatever you do, do not attempt futuristic Asianface.

PITCH PERFECT
Here's a group costume for you and 5-6 of your multi-culti friends: Dress campus casual and walk around in a pack all night singing pop songs a cappella and challenging random strangers to riff-offs while shouting Pitch Perfect-isms like "Aca-awesome!"

SEVEN PSYCHOPATHS
To channel Colin Farrell or any of his eccentric cast mates in Martin McDonagh's madcap crime comedy, all you really need is one key accessory: A Shih Tzu. Carry the pooch around all night and you're set. Bonus if you do it in a Christopher Walken accent. If you happen to resemble Tom Waits, a white bunny is a lot less costly to procure.

THE MASTER
Joaquin Phoenix's hunched, feral Freddie Quell can be achieved with just the right attire, posture, and off-kilter touch of insanity. Start with a button-down shirt tucked into pants pulled up to an Ed Grimley-level and slouch your shoulders forward. Carry a few makeshift beakers and jars with you and wherever you go, mix a batch of your special potions from assorted household liquids while pacing and licking windows. And voila!

SKYFALL
If you're a dapper dan who happens to have a Tom Ford fitted suit pressed and hanging in the closet, Halloween's a cinch: Dress to the nines, grab a Heineken, and spend the evening fixing your cufflink like a boss.

PROMETHEUS
Don't have a futuristic space suit lying around the house? No worries, ladies. Strip down to a white bandeau bra and panties, spatter yourself with black creature goop and run around screaming as if there's a giant space monster right behind you. Lug around a decapitated mannequin head for extra emphasis. You might be cold, but you'll be the baddest lady in the universe.

MAGIC MIKE
Fellas can get in on the scantily-clad action too, although the women of the world may prefer it if you have Channing Tatum's abs and sense of rhythm. Maybe a speedo-vest-cowboy hat combination, a la Matthew McConaughey? Or a g-string, for those who dare? Bring along a boombox and have Ginuwine's "Pony" queued up. You might even make some cash in the process.

THE COMEDY
Don your trust-fund hipster polo and boat shoes and walk around making a joke of everything a la Tim Heidecker (of Tim and Eric fame) in the new pic The Comedy; singing the infectious mantra "No no tip" will really tie the outfit together, although anyone who hasn't yet seen the movie will just think you're a giant douche.

THE GREY
Fish a dirty long-sleeved thermal out of the laundry, smear a few smudges of fake blood on your face, and tape broken minibar bottles to your fists and you're prepped for action, Liam Neeson-style. Plus: You get to drink the contents of those minibar bottles first, and you'll be ready for any wolves that may cross your path.

Follow Jen Yamato on Twitter.
Follow Movieline on Twitter.

Those Rand-y Republicans: Nine Films That Espouse The New GOP's Libertarian Mindset

Thanks to absolutist firebrands such as Rand and Ron Paul, laissez-faire economic sentiment has been gaining momentum in the GOP for some time. But with the nomination of deficit hawk wunderkind — and notable Ayn Rand devotee — Paul Ryan as Mitt Romney's running mate, movement libertarianism has officially been added to the Republican presidential platform.

Regardless of whether Romney is elected and Ryan’s controversial budget proposals are made law, the rebranding has already created two decisive effects: first, it has excited the fiscal-conservative base enough to warrant representation at the penultimate level; and second, it has convinced swaths of more marginal voters, who vaguely recall skimming through Atlas Shrugged as undergrads, that they were ardent “objectivists” all along.

In honor of the libertarian strain of Republicanism getting its RNC coronation this week, here are the top nine films that evoke a reverie for free markets and, in some cases, the dystopian nightmare that's sure to follow if we ignore Rand's literary prophecy. more »

Colin Farrell's Total Recall Remake 'Was Not Good' And 8 Other Revelations From Paul Verhoeven

Having labeled the 1990 sci-fi Total Recall “cheesy,” it was only a matter of time before the makers of this summer’s lackluster Colin Farrell-starring remake had the tables turned on them by Paul Verhoeven, the original film’s director.

And so, Friday at a sold-out screening of the Arnold Schwarzenegger classic at the Egyptian Theatre in Hollywood, Verhoeven seized the opportunity for a little payback, a good-natured gleam in his eye. “Colin Farrell called it in an interview ‘kitschy,’” he declared with a smile. “So I dare to say that his version was not good.” more »

9 Things The Arrested Development Movie Must Include

The new Arrested Development installment starts filming this week, according to Deadline, more than six years after the beloved comedy was kicked off the air. We Bluth family loyalists have tried to keep the faith through the long years of false hope and thwarted movie speculation, and finally our patience has been rewarded. The Netflix series, which will set up an Arrested Development movie, has already done the heavy lifting of getting all of the actors, narrator-producer Ron Howard and series creator Mitch Hurwitz back in one place for at least part of the time. But that’s only one dealbreaker for fans. Here are nine more things the Arrested Development follow-up must include.
more »

In Honor of the Batpod, 9 Other Memorable Movie Motorcycles

The Dark Knight Rises finally arrives this weekend, and curiously, amid the hype attending Christopher Nolan and his top-flight cast, two other performers have been strongly covered in the media: The behemoth tank that is The Tumbler, and the exciting off-shoot vehicle known as The Batpod. Considering the latter is one of the most arresting two-wheelers ever featured on-screen, we celebrate its revival by highlighting nine other curiosities Hollywood has offered up in the motorcycle category.
more »

Magic Mike: Channing Tatum and Co. on Thongs, Dance Routines, and the ‘Dark’ World of Male Stripping

“We're trying to do our part to objectify men for the first time in movies.” Steven Soderbergh’s male stripper pic Magic Mike shimmies into theaters today powered by a charismatic turn by Channing Tatum and a hard-bodied supporting cast — but the tale isn’t all thongs, pelvic thrusts, and bachelorette party thrills. (Well, okay — it's got a lot of those things, too.) What secrets did Soderbergh, Tatum, and co-stars Alex Pettyfer, Joe Manganiello, and Matt Bomer spill about on-set nudity, overzealous extras, cross-dressing, and Tatum’s real life experience as a male stripper?
more »

To Woody With Love: Woody Allen’s 9 Most Entertaining On-Screen Surrogates

Woody Allen has cemented an historic onscreen legacy by managing to play a grand total of one single character for the last 47 years. (What versatility!) Needless to say, it’s been one hell of a character: Allen’s extreme version of himself, trading on some of the most base cultural stereotypes out there about New Yorkers, Jews and intellectuals, has, logically or not, repeatedly held mainstream America’s interest. Yet, in a halfhearted nod to the idea of variety, Allen hasn’t always played the character himself – due to the constraints of age, style, and physical type, he’s occasionally enlisted actors to come in and do their best Woody Allen imitation over the years. With a new addition to the coterie coming in To Rome With Love – Jesse Eisenberg is a neo-Woody if ever there was one – it’s worthwhile to take a look back at Allen’s nine most entertaining surrogates.
more »

The Gilded Age: Ridley Scott's Prometheus and More Frustrating Films from New Hollywood Directors

I went to see Prometheus over the weekend, and like many of you, I was disappointed (to put it lightly). Although a technical achievement in every way, the narrative and characters left much to be desired. The mystery I wanted solved was not the black goo or the Engineers — it was how the creative team of Ridley Scott, Damon Lindelof, and Jon Spaihts could produce a movie with such rudimentary mistakes. There have been casts of Scream movies with more intelligence than this lineup of characters. The connective tissue between the film’s big set pieces felt as if plucked from a Random Idea Generator program online; even the mythology was mucked up as the film dissolved into a by-the-book sci-fi thriller by the end.
more »

That's My Boy: 9 Life Lessons — and Mad Rhymes — from Vanilla Ice

Stop. Collaborate and listen. Ice is back with a brand new invention. No, really! He is. Rob Van Winkle, who you know as ‘90s rap sensation Vanilla Ice, has a major role in this summer’s new Adam Sandler comedy That's My Boy, in which he plays himself, Vanilla Ice. The set-up: Donny Berger (Sandler) became famous in the ‘80s for having an affair with his hot teacher. Donny knew Ice from the flash in the pan/has-been circuit, and goes back to hang out with Ice when he reunites with the grown son (Andy Samberg) he fathered.
more »

Mirror Images: 9 More Occasions When Hollywood Made Similar Movies at the Same Time

This weekend welcomes Snow White and the Huntsman to theaters, mere months after Relativity's Mirror, Mirror preceded Universal's Kristen Stewart film in the race to produce live-action versions of the fairy tale that Disney animators arguably perfected decades ago. And odd as it is to behold this practice of two serpents eating the other’s tail, stranger still is the thought of a studio executive ensconced in a corner office, slamming his fist down on the old-growth polished conference table, and bellowing to the suits, "Dammit! Where in the hell is OUR Snow White script!?!?!"
more »

The 9 Most Scathing Critical Responses to What to Expect When You're Expecting

After months of humiliating posters and destabilizing trailers, the big-screen "adaptation" of Heidi Murkoff's megahit advice tome What to Expect When You're Expecting has finally arrived at multiplexes nationwide. Critical reactions are about as chilly as you might expect for a film that turns one of the most influential books of the last quarter-century into a kitchen-sink ensemble romcom; while director Kirk Jones's film does seem to have its following (21 percent fresh on Rotten Tomatoes! Even A.O. Scott is into it! Sort of!), the overriding sense seems to be one of vague — or maybe not so vague — loathing. Let's cool off with a refreshing dip in the bile.
more »

9 Prolific Actor/Director Combos Not Quite as Cool as Johnny Depp and Tim Burton

This weekend sees the release of Dark Shadows, marking the eighth time director Tim Burton has teamed with Johnny Depp, his second-favorite performer on screen. (He no doubt frequently has to tell Helena Bonham Carter as much.) So natural is their pairing that we have come to expect a certain level of quality and/or box-office performance from their combined efforts, and an announcement of a new Burton title has generally come to carry the promise of a Depp appearance. Although Hollywood has long brought us such fruitful and lucrative actor/director relationships — from both Cary Grant and James Stewart's collaborations with Alfred Hitchcock to Robert De Niro's legendary work with Martin Scorsese — consider nine other long-term pairings packing a little (or a lot) less luster.
more »

9 Spoiler-Filled Trailers That Gave It All Away

Everybody is talking about that new Prometheus trailer unveiled last week. You know — the one that spoils most of the movie. At least that’s what they’re saying. I haven’t seen it and I don’t intend to. It’s bad enough the first trailer showed what I suspect is a major character’s “I’m dying” face. Hollywood needs to take a lesson from the original Alien, whose trailer is the gold standard of film promotion: Aren’t you glad it didn’t spoil the chestburster scene? Or show Tom Skerritt getting it in the air duct? The following trailers, however, are the equivalent of pyrite. Warning: Spoilers ahead.
more »