Because America needs another reason for the world to hate us, we are trying to deport our barely-literate Jersey Shore cast to Italy with a fleet of cameras, enough Ed Hardy t-shirts to outfit Sicily, and the only English-Italian dictionary that these greased guidos will ever need at the Naples club: Their Fists. But, wait -- one obstacle still lies between The Situation and his MTV-sponsored homeland pilgrimage.
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Maggie Q, the star of the CW's breakout action-drama Nikita, knows what she wants, and she's happy to announce that she gets it. The 31-year-old martial arts cinema vet moved from Honololu, learned her craft from Jackie Chan, became a star in Hong Kong, and co-starred in various TV shows, miniseries, and films before hitting stateside fame with Mission: Impossible III, Deception, and Balls of Fury. Now, with 14 years of fight choreography under her belt, the Nikita topliner is torqued for the future of her series -- especially because she has a specific vision of what the show should look, sound, and move like. It's a vision she reiterates frequently.
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Stephen Colbert tried his best to absorb Keith Olbermann's essence Highlander-style on last night's Colbert Report, but found that his body rejected it like a pompous kidney. Elsewhere, Conan O'Brien sympathized with the former MSNBC pundit, Cory Monteith talked crashing a school bus and Jon Stewart challenged his staff to a Nazi-themed scavenger hunt.
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Kids these days! Not only is Chloe Moretz on her phone past her bedtime, she's leaking TV casting news on her Twitter feed where everyone can see it. What ever happened to the good old days when child stars just quietly hit an afterparty or five to get wasted below the radar?
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I hate this. I hate the Super Bowl. Hate it. Worst of all, I hate the cavalcade of expensive, often-offensive commercials that come with the Super Bowl. Extended families and fraternities and crochet klatches gather for the big event, and what do they see? Unabashedly gay-unfriendly commercials like the following Doritos ads, which are being considered for air. Look, straight people doing suggestively gay things -- but for your amusement! Comedy! I hate this.
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Level your javelins, Team Coco: Jay Leno was just named Harvard's 2011 Hasty Pudding Man of the Year. Just before you assume, "Oh, Conan O'Brien already won the Hasty Pudding Award. After all, he went to Harvard and I like him," you better shut your uninformed mouth -- Coco has not won the accolade yet. Headline! Wait until you see Harvard's reason for choosing Leno.
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When Oprah Winfrey teased that she would be revealing a "shocking family secret" on Monday's show, I expected a grotesque Mackenzie Phillips-like disclosure accompanied by fireworks, a John Travolta-led drum line and a 20-minute free-form speech on "hope." (How can you blame me? These are the kinds of theatrics Oprah has conditioned us to expect.) Alas, viewers at this morning's taping in Chicago had to settle for the introduction of a previously unknown Oprah family member and plain old tears (boring!). Details ahead, but no new cars.
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Matt LeBlanc appeared on Chelsea Lately Thursday night to promote his new Showtime series, Episodes. Confession: I've always kinda liked Matt LeBlanc. In fact, I believe that Joey Tribbiani was the best character on Friends. Unfortunately, both Tribbiani and LeBlanc became punchlines after the dismal spin-off series Joey was canceled during its second season. (OK, Leblanc's work in films such as Ed didn't help, either.) Now he's back though after a five-year absence, and dammit, I kind of missed him. Let's take a look back at some of LeBlanc's finer past work. (No, seriously.)
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Of all the current Saturday Night Live cast members, Fred Armisen seems like the least likely to spin-off one of his Studio 8H characters for the box office. Not necessarily because he hasn't been given the opportunity -- after Will Forte's disastrous MacGruber though, who could blame movie studios for not trying? -- but because Armisen, who Lorne Michaels described as "an artist, not a careerist," seems genuinely content to be part of Saturday Night Live's ensemble cast. So it is a little surprising to see that after nine seasons with the show, the self-described "short-sighted" actor has gone ahead and created a new sketch comedy series for the IFC called Portlandia, which co-stars Sleater-Kinney founder Carrie Brownstein.
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American Idol in New Orleans! Jambalidol! Interview with a Vampidol The second day of Idol auditions was mercifully shorter than the first, but we still took home the same amount of triumph and travesty. An economical episode, really! Nigel Lythgoe so gets America. Let's rewind and pick three auditions that didn't make us poison ourselves.
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"For someone who doesn't understand it, he speaks Chinese beautifully," Stephen Colbert joked about Rush Limbaugh's impression of Chinese President Hu Jintao last night, before reprimanding the pundit for his other offensive impressions like Black Guy and Parkinson's Sufferer. Elsewhere, Jimmy Fallon threw drinks in Ashton Kutcher's face, Ryan Gosling performed a Blue Valentine duet with Jimmy Kimmel and Kaley Cuoco told David Letterman about the horse that literally crushed her leg.
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Exhale, children: Steven Tyler and Jennifer Lopez didn't ruin American Idol last night. Not quite. They sat nearby while attention-starved banshees ruined American Idol (and our speakers) on their behalf, but that's OK. It's what the audition episodes are all about: our feeling demoralized and a little furious with manipulative, mean-spirited editing. Feels like home. Let's rake through the two-hour premiere and rehash the three youngsters whose auditions made Steven Tyler perk up like the bemused mugshot he is.
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It's the day Movieline HQ has been waiting for: Thursday, Jan. 20, better known here as Parks and Recretaion Finally Returns to Television Day! (Rob Lowe is no doubt thrilled.) Apparently, though, it's also the day that pictures of a very young Amy Poehler surfaced on the Internet. Can you guess the story behind this photo of the Boston College grad?
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Last night's penultimate episode of The Fashion Show: Ultimate Collection was fantastic. The final four challengers squared off in a challenge devoted to the purest muses around: the elements. Though the eliminated designer may have been a crowd favorite, Movieline friend Isaac Mizrahi told us exactly why he's happy with the verdict. Join us for a Q&A in which Mizrahi tells us about Iman's foreboding emails, Calvin's continued lameness, and his fight with Dominique that never made it to air.
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We're all excited for the 10th-season premiere of American Idol tonight with new judges Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez, and Assertive Randy Jackson, but are we confident that J-Lo has enough of a fearsome edge to make for good contestant commentaries? I'm skeptical. To help her, let's unearth five memorable quotes from the best in Jennifer Lopez cinema, and teach her to retool these classic quips to suit her judging needs.
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