5 Jennifer Lopez Movie Quotes She Should Use in Her American Idol Debut
We're all excited for the 10th-season premiere of American Idol tonight with new judges Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez, and Assertive Randy Jackson, but are we confident that J-Lo has enough of a fearsome edge to make for good contestant commentaries? I'm skeptical. To help her, let's unearth five memorable quotes from the best in Jennifer Lopez cinema, and teach her to retool these classic quips to suit her judging needs.
Character: Grace McKenna
Quote: "There's something you want very badly. You seem very far away to me right now. But you're determined, you're determined. You'll do what you must to get it... Everyone have [sic] a past. They have pain. And they have something they want. What is it you want? I want to hang drapes."
Best Used as: A comforting sentiment to a teary balladeer who "just wants this so badly."
Movie: The Wedding Planner
Character: Maria "Mary" Fiore
Quote: "You smell like sweet red plums and grilled cheese sandwiches."
Best used as: An introductory appraisal of a sweet young chanteuse who might be homeless.
Character: Erin "Slim" Hiller
Quote: "Attack you? All I did was slap you around a little bit."
Best Used As: A reply to a defensive auditioner, particularly a cocky R&B type who needed be told his "gospel" range is just a freaky caterwaul.
Quote: "It's turkey time. [Seductively flaps thighs.] Gobble, gobble."
Best used as: A dismissive insult to a contestant with an annoying vibrato.
Character: Yolanda Saldivar
Quote: "Look at what I've done to my best friend!" *
Best used as: A weepy aside to Steven Tyler after giving a painful "no" vote to ex-husband/auditioner Ojani Noa.
[*Yes, Jennifer Lopez did not utter this line, but it's Selena's eternal mark on society.**]
[**By "society" I mean "me."]