5 Jennifer Lopez Movie Quotes She Should Use in Her American Idol Debut

jenniferlopezquotes225.jpgWe're all excited for the 10th-season premiere of American Idol tonight with new judges Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez, and Assertive Randy Jackson, but are we confident that J-Lo has enough of a fearsome edge to make for good contestant commentaries? I'm skeptical. To help her, let's unearth five memorable quotes from the best in Jennifer Lopez cinema, and teach her to retool these classic quips to suit her judging needs.

Movie: U-Turn

Character: Grace McKenna

Quote: "There's something you want very badly. You seem very far away to me right now. But you're determined, you're determined. You'll do what you must to get it... Everyone have [sic] a past. They have pain. And they have something they want. What is it you want? I want to hang drapes."

Best Used as: A comforting sentiment to a teary balladeer who "just wants this so badly."

Movie: The Wedding Planner

Character: Maria "Mary" Fiore

Quote: "You smell like sweet red plums and grilled cheese sandwiches."

Best used as: An introductory appraisal of a sweet young chanteuse who might be homeless.

Movie: Enough

Character: Erin "Slim" Hiller

Quote: "Attack you? All I did was slap you around a little bit."

Best Used As: A reply to a defensive auditioner, particularly a cocky R&B type who needed be told his "gospel" range is just a freaky caterwaul.

Movie: Gigli

Character: Ricki

Quote: "It's turkey time. [Seductively flaps thighs.] Gobble, gobble."

Best used as: A dismissive insult to a contestant with an annoying vibrato.

Movie: Selena

Character: Yolanda Saldivar

Quote: "Look at what I've done to my best friend!" *

Best used as: A weepy aside to Steven Tyler after giving a painful "no" vote to ex-husband/auditioner Ojani Noa.

[*Yes, Jennifer Lopez did not utter this line, but it's Selena's eternal mark on society.**]

[**By "society" I mean "me."]


  • skimpyshorts says:

    If your article on Addams Value Values didn't make my day, this certainly did. I imagine my fellow cube workers are wondering what all the restrained choking noises are as I'm trying to hold in my laughter.

  • skimpyshorts says:

    *Addams Family Values

  • Louis Virtel says:

    Thank you! Gobble, gobble to you and yours!

  • Chris Taus says:

    They locked him into a multi-year contract, too? Didn't they learn anything from the Ellen disaster? Besides, I don't even expect Idol to finish out the season without Simon, so there was no point in contracting Tyler, a pitiful substitute for Simon, for more than one season.

  • margaret says:

    I haven't seen show, but I suppose that Jennifer was up to the mark! I love her songs and movies with her! Maybe I'll see this TV-show later (I'll download it from http://www.torrentoff.com )