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What's On: Cheaper By the Dozen

If Jon and Kate won't play ball, TLC can always scrounge up a few Wife Swap rejects for a new reality series, just as they did with the Hayes family. We all know there are only two ways that the network's new series, Table for 12, will end. The multiples of the Hayes family record a few top 40s hits and open a theater in Branson or they watch as their parents' marriage falls into acrimonious disrepair, their mom adopts a hairstyle that looks like a pile of sticks and their dad starts draping himself in Ed Hardy printed tees.
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Omarosa's Mating Season

It may sound hard to believe, but hall-of-fame reality villain Omarosa is having difficulty finding a man. Thus her new teaming with Donald Trump for Omarosa's Ultimate Merger, in which the reviled Apprentice witch will narrow 12 eligible bachelors down to one for the African-American-geared network TV One. "Omarosa is smart, witty and difficult, but all of those qualities will make for some very interesting entertainment," Trump said in a statement. The part in the pilot episode where she disengages her jaw to gulp the first castoff down in two bites is said to be particularly worth seeing. [Variety]

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TV Round Up: Franco the Peace Tagger

· A few new images from James Franco's mysteriously motivated arc on General Hospital have surfaced. We deduced that Franco will run some sort of furniture/art showroom while moonlighting as a graffiti artist and taming stormy relationships with Maxie (Kirsten Storms) and a new character, played by Lost's Marsha Thomason. New interpretations welcome.
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Danny Gokey Understands Poor People, Jesus on New Excruciating Single

With so many viewers unfairly pigeonholing American Idol second runner-up Danny Gokey as self-important and holier-than-thou, Gokey himself is here to clear up the rumors and announce that he is universally important and holier-than-thou. His first single "It's Only" is flooding pink-and-purple fan blogs near you, and the results are unsavory. While Simon Cowell seemed to consider the 29-year-old singer a countrified Chris Daughtry, Gokey clearly considers himself a thick-belted hybrid of Tracy Chapman and Amy Grant. Because not only does Gokey invoke Jesus's name, he bemoans the strife of poor people all over the country. He preaches it after the jump.

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What's On: Party at Lopez's

The weekend premiere of The Wanda Sykes Show came and went without too much fanfare, and many night owls might not realize it replaced another unheralded late-night effort, Talkshow with Spike Feresten. Then again, that was on Saturday, a night that you're supposed to have an excuse not to watch television. Monday nights are a different story -- one that now has a Latin flair as Lopez Tonight drops on TBS. Comedian George Lopez promises a fresh take on the white-guy-and-desk formula, but probably not major ratings.
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Remember That Time Wanda Sykes Premiered Her Talk Show With a Skit About Recycling Sex Toys?

Some comedians might use their talk show premiere to safety belt their audience into an eco-friendly car, lull them to sleep with unoffensive political jokes and airy A-list interviews, and then gently push the Ford-skinned Prius into the John D. Long Lake, killing all ratings in a confusing act of self-sabotage. Not Wanda Sykes, who jolted Fox's Family Guy viewer base awake during her bumpy Saturday night premiere with Ann Coulter jabs, drag queens, Mary Lynn Rajskub martinis and a four-minute pre-taped sketch on recycling sex toys.
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Seth MacFarlane Joins Jay Leno and Jeff Dunham in Ranks of Too-Rich, Self-Satisfied Comedy Hacks Who Should Not Have Their Own Shows

I can't claim that Seth MacFarlane didn't follow Movieline's variety show rules last night (I didn't notice Geri Reischl, for starters), but Family Guy Presents Seth & Alex's Almost Live Comedy Hour, veered deep into a stinky safe-zone by stealing sketch set-ups from Jay Leno's mothball-suffocated closet of conceits. Let's start with the hardest-hitting wit: There aren't many Jewish comediennes because of -- hear me out -- the Holocaust. I'll slap everyone's knees in this whole room, and their Jewish mothers! Then MacFarlane and Family Guy voice actress Alex Borstein act out imagined screen-tests for Bea Arthur, Kathy Griffin, and Gregory Peck -- just a couple of cards, these two. Guys, this sucked. Clip of the antics after the jump.

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'Have a Nice Holiday': Mad Men Recapped

Mad Men's third season concluded Sunday night with one of the series' most straightforward episodes to date, a simple, elegant inventory of a) everything Don Draper possesses and b) everything it cost him. It's an unusually binary approach for a show that doesn't often function with fewer than four or five narrative lines in the water at once, but when your independence costs this much, taking stock should probably always be priority No. 1. See if our numbers match after the jump.

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The Jeff Dunham Show's Worst Sketch This Week: Sweet Daddy D.O.A.

Normally it wouldn't be fair or even fun to scavenge a TV show each week for its worst moment, but The Jeff Dunham Show has already proven itself a true anomaly. In the third episode of Comedy Central's multi-phobic hit, our favorite "non-ventriloquist" (his manager never uses the word) visits a barbershop with his puppet (which resembles any number of sculptures traded between racist collectible enthusiasts on eBay) named Sweet Daddy Dee to discover how to win a black following. He has just a million non-white races to go after that.

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Eric Cartman Might've Botched His Progressive Anti-Gay Rally With Misplaced Vulgarity

Following Wednesday's episode of South Park in which Cartman and the crew try to re-brand the word "faggot" as a way to describe "annoying and inconsiderate" riders of Harley-Davidsons, the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) released a statement saying that Trey Parker and Matt Stone's intentions were noble, but their methods awry. "The creators of South Park are right on one important point: more and more people are using the F-word as an all-purpose insult. However, it is irresponsible and wrong to suggest that it is a benign insult or that promoting its use has no consequences for those who are the targets of anti-gay bullying and violence." Clip of Kyle and Stan's attempt at a sociological shift after the jump.

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Project Runway Recap: The Sarajevo Sayonara

If you're a regular reader of Movieline's Project Runway recaps, you know that our examinations revolve around two tenets: 1) Tim Gunn wondering out loud if Logan had walked in off the street -- in particular a street with an Urban Outfitters; 2) Gordana Gehlhausen, the Yugoslavian-but-that's-not-a-country-anymore maiden who came a long way and through a lot of confusing pollution in order to get here. Now that she's gone, we're left with almost no reason to recap, and for that, our grief is larger than Althea's elevator shaft of hair. They also kicked off Christopher because come on.

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What's On: Rihanna and Chris Brown Face Off With Dueling, Album-Plugging Tell-Alls

Remember that time in September when Chris Brown visited Larry King Live, and with bowtie and supportive mother in place, told America that he would never discuss the details of the Rihanna-beating fiasco "out of respect for her"? Well, Brown is forfeiting that solemn vow tonight for a sit-down with MTV's Sway Calloway, during which he will try to piece together the events of that fateful, Lamborghini-rented night while plugging his upcoming album. A few hours later, Rihanna closes out her two-part Basic Instinct-inspired exclusive with Diane Sawyer, and makes sure to mention her new record.
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The Sterling Cooper Collection

Have you ever spent restless Sundays nights considering how you too could seduce department store heiresses and your daughter's elementary school teacher if only you owned the right suit? If you have, consider your luck changed because Brooks Brothers is selling 250 Don Draper-inspired sharkskin suits through the season finale on November 8. Mad Men costume designer Jane Bryant created the updated ensemble, which features a two button jacket with narrow lapels, diagonal pockets, side vents and retails for $998. Or hold out for the Jon Hamm Varsity Collection -- coming to an Abercrombie & Fitch near you! [AP]

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Introducing Late-Night Highlights: A Guide to What You Missed After Hours

These days, the late-night television landscape is as jammed up as the 405 at rush hour, with men and women of all ages, suit sizes and dialects competing for your post Top Chef, pre-sleep time. But even the biggest fans of monologue jokes, topical bits and celebrity anecdotes might only catch half of Letterman or Conan, let alone make it to Fallon or Ferguson. With your precious Z's in mind, Movieline presents a new weekly feature: Late-Night Highlights. Every Friday, we will give you a rundown of what you missed or thought you dreamed. Here is the first installment of the best and watchably worst of this week's witching hours.

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A Prophetic 'Dream'

Admit it. When you saw last night that GE heiress Kathy Geiss was auditioning for TGS -- the sketch comedy show-within-a-show of 30 Rock -- you knew that the ugly, Mark-Wahlberg-worshiping duckling would bust out with a note-perfect rendition of the Susan Boyle standard "I Dreamed a Dream." You know why you knew that? Because Movieline commenter Andrea Zuckerman-Vasquez totally called it back on June 1. Strap in, Kathy. A makeover and attendant nervous breakdown are surely inevitable.