Because it didn’t screen for critics, and because of a water-main break in the only New York theater showing the film today, it took me three tries to see John Gulager’s Piranha 3DD. That means I had to walk up to the ticket booth and say “One for Piranha 3DD, please” exactly 3DD times.
That was three times too many.
more »
Most actors might think twice about playing dark and depressed versions of themselves on the big screen, parodying their most cringe-worthy moments of cheeseburger-craving internet fame for all to see in movies — like this week’s Piranha 3DD — more concerned with seeing big-bosomed babes being eaten by fish than with exploring the existential pains of celebrity. But then most actors don’t refer to themselves in the third-person with nicknames like “The Hoff” ™, a la David Hasselhoff, who spoke with Movieline last week about his Piranha 3DD cameo, that one time Leonardo DiCaprio went out for Baywatch, and how he’s learned to just “get on the Hoff train and ride.”
more »
Although Samuel L. Jackson has played S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Nick Fury in Iron Man, Iron Man 2, Thor, Captain America, and the record-breaking Avengers, his portrayal of the cigar-chomping Marvel Comics government agent isn’t definitive to everyone. Like, say, to David Hasselhoff — Baywatch legend, Knight Rider icon, and star of the upcoming Piranha 3DD — who donned Fury’s signature eye patch and scowl in his own 1998 telefilm, earned Stan Lee’s blessing, and claims that his is the “ultimate” Nick Fury.
more »
Now that Piranha 3DD finally has an official release date, it's time to roll out a very, very NSFW new red-band trailer for your viewing consideration. It is base, oversexed, gory, cheap-looking and patently disgusting in pretty much every conceivable way, featuring such steps down as stripper lifeguards, midcoital piranha attacks, and Gary Busey chewing the head off a live fish. It's all just stupid enough to be kind of awesome.
more »
There's an old Korean proverb intoning that anyone who attempts to make a sequel to Beverly Hills Ninja starring David Hasselhoff will eventually get the cosmic punishment he or she deserves. If you don't believe that, then ask Jay So, the plaintiff in a new lawsuit involving the unfinished Beverly Hills Ninja 2 and six figures' worth of unpaid development work.
more »
It's the week after Thanksgiving which means that it's time to start firing up some holiday playlists. Here to help is Scarlett Johansson, whose virtual duet with Dean Martin hit the Internet today. Is their posthumous rendering of "I'll Be Home For Christmas" creepy? A little. A necessary addition to the holiday track canon? Not at all. But random? Completely! In honor of this Christmas-time cut, let's review five of the other most random celebrity holiday recordings to confound the masses.
Piranha 3DD may have been pushed to 2012, but the new teaser trailer suggests that the quality and spirit of the franchise hasn't been diluted. How could it have been, with returning fish survivor Ving Rhames dropping lines like, "Bring me my legs!" before gunning down the waters, Cherry Darling-style? Or with Baywatch's own lifeguard-slash-private eye extraordinaire, Mitch Buchannon, policing the bouncing bloodied bosoms fleeing from their piscine predators? All this and more -- "Double the terror, double the Ds" -- in today's Buzz Break!
FILM NEWS 
