TV || ||

American Idol Hollywood Week: My Heart Barely Goes On

Confession! I forgot something about the first episode of Idol's "Hollywood Week," which in many ways is my favorite stretch of the season: You sometimes don't see nearly enough singers, and for that you feel shafted. I know I do! Mathematician Ryan Seacrest claimed 168 people survived the first cut, but we only saw a meager sliver of that swath. Let's slice up as many of the remaining candidates as possible and figure where our allegiances lie. (Spoiler: I hate some of them!)

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TV || ||

Late Night Highlights: David Letterman and Snooki Bond Over Pink, Fuzzy Slippers

Last night on The Late Show, David Letterman flattered Snooki by trying on the same kind of grotesque footwear that she wears on the Jersey Shore. Elsewhere, Jimmy Kimmel shaved Justin Bieber's head, Jennifer Aniston talked about the Super Bowl, and Andy Richter outed Conan O'Brien as an abusive boss.

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TV || ||

A Short History of the Muppets At the Grammys

Earlier today, MTV announced that a few Muppets would be joining Cee Lee and Gwyneth Paltrow onstage at the Grammys on Sunday to perform an "unforgettable version' of 'F--- You.'" Not because the fuzzy puppets are particularly fond of either artist or profanity-laced lyrics, but because they have a project to promote. (What, you thought that inanimate objects didn't have to hit the promotional circuit hard?) Lucky for you, home audience members, this isn't the Muppets' first time at the Grammy rodeo. Let's take a look at some highlights from the Muppets' storied history with the music industry's most popular awards ceremony.

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TV || ||

American Idol Top 3 Auditions: Thrice-A-Roni

Idol's trek to San Francisco produced more Golden Tickets than the LA leg, which means... well, almost nothing, really. LA was terrible. Still, it seemed like Jennifer Lopez rode the 6 train into a positive new attitude this week, and Steven Tyler allowed his face to sag into a jar of sympathy. But who were the best auditions of the week? These three troubadours with the most unbearable life stories ever.

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TV || ||

VIDEO: Anderson Cooper Explains Egypt Attack to David Letterman

For the first time since his disastrous trip to Africa, Anderson Cooper hit the late night circuit to discuss being pummeled by an Egyptian mob. His choice for the first afterhours sit-down: The Late Show, where the CNN personality told David Letterman how it was his own fault for sticking out appearance-wise, and for not having a better grasp on the Egyptian language. Watch the video ahead and see if you agree.

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TV || ||

Why Darren Criss Might be the Next Michael Emerson, and Why That Isn't a Good Thing for Glee

The unwritten rules for the second season of a hit television series are similar to the ones governing movie sequels: Everything has to be bigger, has to be louder, and has to include at least one major casting addition. In the case of Lost, the second season brought increasingly convoluted stakes (The Hatch! The Others!), some shocking character deaths (Shannon!) and the addition of Michael Emerson to the already bulging cast. What began as a well-received guest role for the veteran New York actor became a three-and-a-half season stay on the devilish island. Emerson's breakout performance not only forced Lost creators Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse to shift their narrative, but also cemented him forever in the minds of television watchers as Benjamin Linus. Glee star Darren Criss is on a very similar path, and because of that, it might be time for Gleeks to get concerned.

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TV || ||

Gleebasing: Fat Bottomed Girls Make Valentine's Day Go Round

Phew! Glee shed that faux football-loving, thrill-seeking, Katy Perry-exploiting skin that it adopted for Super Bowl fans on Sunday, and got back to basics with last night's Valentine's Day episode, where Blaine explained that February 14th is the one day of the year when you can just tell the person you love how you feel. (Unless you belong to the Church of Love Actually, in which case that one day of the year is Christmas.) Meanwhile, Santana taught viewers that revenge is best served with glandular fever, and Ryan Murphy sold his soul to the Gap for a cute dance number. Let's review the highs and lows.

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TV || ||

5 Better Prince Songs Than 'Kiss' for Gwyneth Paltrow and Glee to Cover

Party over, oops, out of time: Glee is again recruiting Gwyneth Paltrow's patrician pizazz for an upcoming episode where she'll cover Prince's "Kiss" with Matthew Morrison. This proves that the producers of Glee spend eight-to-nine seconds a week thinking of smart song choices. Does Ryan Murphy stick only to decade-topping Billboard hits? I was pleasantly surprised by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs' "Heads Will Roll" on Sunday, but otherwise, his selections are as obvious as Rachel Berry's narcissism. Prince's catalog provides plenty of opportunity for awesome duets -- if only he considered the following five gems for air.

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Awards || ||

Watch Jay Leno Accept Harvard's Hasty Pudding Award by Being Mercilessly Roasted

If you are a member of Team Conan, Team Letterman, the "I Hate People Who Wear Head-to-Toe Denim" Facebook group or any other anti-Jay Leno party, rest easy knowing that Harvard's Hasty Pudding Theatricals didn't just name Jay Leno their 2011 Man of the Year. Those Ivy Leaguers in drag made The Tonight Show host work for his Golden Pot by subjecting him to cruel Conan jokes, a Shakespeare challenge, a dance-off, and even an appearance from David Letterman! Well, his impersonator, anyway. Details of the grisly roast -- and video of Leno lifelessly accepting his hard-earned award afterward -- ahead.

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TV || ||

Late Night Highlights: Jimmy Kimmel, David Letterman and Conan O'Brien Dissect Christina Aguilera's Anthem

Everyone was still talking about Christina Aguilera's butchered version of "The Star-Spangled Banner" on last night's late night circuit. David Letterman weighed in as an expert in public controversy, Conan O'Brien correctly said that it was still better than watching the Black-Eyed Peas perform their songs, and Jimmy Kimmel went to the streets to investigate. Meanwhile, Mark Wahlberg talked about the children's film that made him cry.

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TV || ||

How Would Simon Cowell Actually Critique the Superstars in the New X Factor Promo?

One interesting aspect of American Idol's legacy is the angst leveled at contestants who haven't become Billboard smashes. Is Melinda Doolittle less talented than Kelly Clarkson because she didn't have a Hot 100 hit? I think not. It takes a certain type of skill set to emerge from a talent competition with untarnished durability (and credibility), and frankly, plenty of our singing superstars wouldn't have made the leap. Let's take a look at the new promo for Simon Cowell's X Factor, which touts plenty of stars who have the all-important "It" factor (including Katy Perry, Justin Bieber, and Lady Gaga), and see how Simon would appraise them in a regular audition.

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TV || ||

'Hell to the No!': Gleebasing, Super Bowl Edition

If certain drug users are most at risk of overdosing on their first hit after a period of sobriety, then the epic midseason premiere of Glee, "The Sue Sylvester Shuffle," certainly sent some Gleebasers into the hospital. (Located right behind the Breadstix and across the street from the intersection where Schue cried in his car.) Not only was the over-sized episode a shock to the previously Gleeless system, but it was a new strain of Ryan Murphy drug, cut with Katy Perry singles, fake breasts, BMX bikes and Mel Gibson jokes. Whatever happened to the pure Glee that they aired back in 2010? Now that was the good sh*t.

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Who Scored Big in Week 14 of SNL's Not-Ready-for-Prime-Time-Player Relevancy Poll?

With Dana Carvey hosting, Saturday Night Live basically split into two separate shows: The Dana Carvey show from 1989, and the 2011 show which, unfortunately, took a back seat to nostalgia. Carvey was pretty much the star of every sketch, regulating a lot of the usual names at the top of this poll to second fiddle -- yet allowing many of the lesser-used cast members to get their shot.

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SNL Scorecard: Just How Excellent Was Dana Carvey's Trip Down Memory Lane?

Well, you can't say you weren't warned, but Dana Carvey made sure that last night's SNL felt more like an episode from 1991 than an episode from 2011. Nothing against Carvey; recurring characters are just what he does. And considering how he hasn't hosted the show in 11 years, it wasn't like he was going to spend too much time trying to cultivate new ones -- hence "Wayne's World (dated in a fun, nostalgic sort of way) and "Church Chat" (just plain dated). At times it did feel like REO Speedwagon asking the crowd, "Hey, who wants to hear 'Take it On the Run'?" But did Carvey's flashbacks doom the show to a sad trip down memory lane? Or did James Franco's hard work around the set strike a steady balance? (Also, what the hell was that second Linkin Park song all about? Seriously?) Let's check the scorecard...

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Newswire || ||

Latest Lea Michele Magazine Controversy Not That Controversial

Why can't Glee star Lea Michele catch a break with parents? First, she posed in that scandalous GQ photo spread and then she allegedly snubbed True Grit sweetheart Hailee Steinfeld -- inciting the wrath of her fans' parents. Now, Cosmo magazine has unveiled its March cover, which shows the actress posing in a plunging neckline alongside headlines like "The Sex Quiz", "Get Naked," and Movieline HQ's personal favorite, "For His Thighs Only." Should we be surprised, and more importantly, should we be angry?

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