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The Long Hot Summer

Another scorcher at Movieline, where even the frostiest air conditioning and the coldest lemonade couldn't staunch the heat coming off some of this week's big stories. Get your sunblock, reflect with with us after the jump, and have a great weekend!

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Our Commenters of the Week Win A Place on Tarantino's Wall of Dildo Shame!

It's rare that we'd catch our sharpest commenters napping, but should it happen, at least they'd know what to look out for: a nudge from Tarantino's actor-poking purple dildo, and a Polaroid snap of shame to commemorate the occasion. Still, though Tarantino calls his photo-filled bulletin board a wall of shame, our five favorite comments merit placement in what we deem a hall of fame. So who won this week?
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Nav'occhio

It was just a matter of time before the first official photo from Avatar yielded its real revelations -- not the Nav'is' tastes for tanning beds, but rather the slight influence of a particular puppet-turned-donkey-turned-little-boy on Jim Cameron's alien vision. By the same token, it could just as easily be a nascent GoatBoy growing in Lorne Michaels's backstage incubator in the spring of '96. Or an homage to Kirstie Alley's Vulcan officer from Star Trek 2. Come clean, Cameron. [Hollywood Elsewhere]

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Conservative Critic Rejects District 9's 'Agitprop,' White Guilt

Big Hollywood's new District 9 review comes awfully close to defying the site's status as an essential right-wing organ for creative contrarianism. For a while, the critic seems to have even liked Neill Blomkamp's sci-fi stunner, praising the director's action chops and lead actor Sharlto Copley's "multilayered, star-making role." But! Is it good for the conservatives? Naturally, that's where things start to go ideologically haywire.
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Buzz Break: At Close Range

· Marvel has released images from its upcoming, in-continuity Iron Man vs. Whiplash series, building momentum for the two titans' bigscreen confrontation in Iron Man 2. I'm holding out for the sidestory, Pepper Potts vs. Drunk Cockatoo.

· TNT has canceled its Holly Hunter drama Saving Grace.

· Apprentice villainess Omarosa is entering a seminary. For VH1, right? No? Hmm.

· NBC has booked its first guest for The Jay Leno Show: Jerry Seinfeld.

· Jennifer Aniston will sing in her upcoming film The Goree Girls, directed by Michael Sucsy (Grey Gardens). Predicted tabloid angles: Aniston calls ex-flame John Mayer for help, Aniston recalls Brad Pitt while performing a tragic country western ballad, Angelina Jolie steals Aniston's thunder by simultaneously cracking the mystery of cold fusion.

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First Avatar Image Reveals Na'vi to Be Advanced Race of Tanning-Bed Addicts

At long last, the Avatar-curious among you have something to look at besides leaked, unfinished production shots and set stills of the director aiming his custom-made, 3-D assault camera at star Sigourney Weaver after she delivered what he deemed to be a phoned-in line reading (or as he put it, "Look alive, Sigourney! This is Avatar, not 'Miss Hathaway Vs. the Aliens!'").

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We Should Have Seen This Coming

It was just a matter of time, wasn't it, before Bravo mastermind Andy Cohen got his tenterhooks into sheepishly attractive lummox/Palin babydaddy Levi Johnston? I suppose none of us should have been surprised, then, when Johnston (ID'd by Cohen as "my boyfriend, Levi Johnston") Skyped in to join the Bravo host on his late-night chat show Watch What Happens. Somehow, we're sure that the Alaskan will be worked into the second season of NYC Prep; imagine the sparkling conversation that will result when he's paired with the equally inarticulate Sebastian, or screamed at by the monstrous Jessie. [Towleroad]

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Obama to Fill Death Panels with Callous Fox Television Executives


It's time to admit it: We've been had. At countless rallies during last year's long primary season, Barack Obama was heard to insist, "I am a fierce advocate for Arrested Development. If there is anything I can do to get Michael Cera to finally sign on to the movie, or to free up Mitch Hurwitz's schedule so he can finally write this thing, I will bring the full weight of the American government to bear on this pressing issue." And now?

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Now We're Getting Somewhere with the Alien Prequel

Forget my previous reservations about Ridley Scott's planned Alien prequel, whose narrative hurdles and franchise sluggishness had me down. At least they did until being reminded of some of the hot special effects Scott might revive from the first film -- like the one where he "had the xenomorph's translucent head cavity filled with maggots to create some texture and movement - the maggots were sprinkled with LSD and sugar to get them going." That's allll anyone needed to hear. Sorry to ever doubt you, Ridley. As you were. [Guardian]

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But What Do Cannibal Sex Fetishists Think of Jennifer's Body?


When you cast Megan Fox in your movie and ask her to make out with Amanda Seyfried, you're certainly intending to turn at least a couple of moviegoers on. Still, I'm not entirely sure that the producers of Jennifer's Body knew just how much their movie would provoke the heretofore-unknown demographic of "vorarephiliacs," or people who are sexually aroused by "the idea of being eaten, eating another, or watching this process" (thanks, Wikipedia!).

So what do these cannibal sex fetishists think of the upcoming Diablo Cody thriller? Movieline investigates! (Warning: You cannot unlearn what you are about to learn.)

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Piven, Rock and Cook Nailing Down 2 A.M. Vegas-Style; The Goods Nailing Down 13% Tomatometer-Style

Re-tweeted by Jeremy Piven a scant 14 hours ago was this photo of the Entourage star with hella-tight compadres Kid Rock and Dane Cook. They were "nailing down 2am Vegas style," as Cook put it, clearly blowing off some steam in the final stretch before The Goods, Piven's latest stab at silver screen immortality, was to roll off the Paramount lemon lot and into theaters. It's currently hovering at the 13% mark on Rotten Tomatoes, making it the worst-reviewed film of the summer.

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Kate Winslet, Todd Haynes to Bring the Melodrama For Mildred Pierce

· Occasionally a reimagining comes along that makes the horrifying news of all the other remakes, reboots and toy adaptations worth it. A new, Kate Winslet-starring adaptation of the classic potboiler Mildred Pierce -- whose searing 1945 version won Joan Crawford an Oscar -- would be one of those brilliant ideas. And that's not even the best part: It's a likely HBO miniseries written and directed by Todd Haynes. No Sam Mendes anywhere to be found! Raise your coffee mug; this calls for a toast. [Variety]

Carey Mulligan assumes the Gekko name for Wall Street 2, the Wolverine sequel gets a scribe and more Hollywood Ink after the jump.

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Jeremy Piven vs. the World

Welcome back to Movieline Attractions, your regular guide to everything new, noteworthy and left to mop up after a long summer at the movies. This week, aliens chase the guys, a time traveler chases the ladies, Vanessa Hudgens chases the kids, and Jeremy Piven chases the leftovers. Check out the lay of the land after the jump.

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I Shot a Man in Reno...

· ...just to watch a long-running series die. According to Thomas Lennon's Twitter, Reno 911! was canceled by Comedy Central today after producing six seasons and one feature film. Wriggle into a pair of short shorts and improvise something sexually inappropriate in its honor.
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Why Bryan Singer's Battlestar Galactica is a Bad Idea

Universal today confirmed rumors that Bryan Singer is leaping aboard a bigscreen Battlestar Galactica redo, and he won't simply be producing -- he's attached to direct, as well. I'm always willing to be convinced, but I can't help but think this is an ill-advised project in a couple of ways.
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