Hey kids! Nickelodeon has a lesson to teach you, and it goes like this: If your friends are more popular than you, it's only fair to punish them. At least, that's the way Nickelodeon is handling tonight's Kids' Choice Awards, where Nick executives are trying to undercut the rival Disney Channel by keeping Disney stars out of the press line, the spotlight, and (potentially) the broadcast.
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A wise man once said that all good things must come to an end. I'm not sure who exactly. Possibly Winston Churchill, or Michael Bay. In any case, it's as apt a sentiment as any on this occasion -- my farewell to you, the estimable Movieline readership. Helping to build this site in such a relatively short period of time into one of the best (if not THE best. Yes! I said it!) sources of entertainment writing anywhere has been among my proudest accomplishments, and it's with profoundly bittersweet sentiments that I bid it adieu. I assure you it's nothing personal -- I just have other stuff I want to do. In the meantime, fret not, as I leave you in the insanely capable hands of some of the nicest, funniest, brainiest souls in the known universe.
Godspeed,
Seth Abramovitch
As a dear friend would say to me every Friday around this time, "God, let's just end this week." My thoughts exactly. Without further ado, your Week in Review. Have a fantastic weekend.
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· Movieline knows all too well the special brand of crazy that's uncorked when former SNL star Victoria Jackson starts talking politics. Fox News, however, may have had no idea. Watch in the clip below as Steve Doocy attempts to restrain himself as a funereally dressed Jackson claims, "The president is a Communist," and "I watch Glenn Beck, and he's taught me well!" Victoria Jackson hasn't been this funny on TV since Handi-Off. [Media Matters via Gawker]
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James Cameron put it out there -- he wants to take Glenn Beck to a state school auditorium, let Anderson Cooper moderate, and let the public decide who is more fit to be an incendiary public figure. Lucky for Movieline's commenters of the week, they also get a crack at outsmarting Mr. Cameron in public! You think you can weave an adequate health-care metaphor out of Jamie Lee Curtis's stripping scene in True Lies? Here's your chance. Think you can compare Sam Worthington's nondescript acting to governmental inactivity? You're on. Can you strike a pro-life stance and call Christian sanctity "The Heart of the Ocean"? This is your week to win. So: Who's suiting up for town hall?
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...So says the show's own Mary Lynn Rajskub, who was notified today. This may call for an unusually basso "Dammit" from Jack Bauer. [Twitter]
We now interrupt our regular Friday afternoon office beer-pong league for Say Whaaaa?, your convenient survey of the week's most confusing, bizarre and/or incomprehensible news stories. The Say Whaaaa Singers are tuned up and justly baffled about this week's highlights; take it away, fellas.
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Still grieving after the elimination on last night's Project Runway? At least we've got one last blast of the latest castoff's special mix of candor, sage advice, and refreshing personality here in our day-after Movieline interview. Still, though the eliminated designer is a fan favorite, some not-so-sweet things are said about two Runway judges, including one who is "a big contradiction."
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Americans don't like being told what to do -- especially by stuffy Brits -- but in a country where politicians cannot legislate that citizens eat healthier, a limey with tousled hair might be our only hope. Jamie Oliver hops the daily direct flight from Heathrow to Huntington, West Virginia, and tries to make a bunch of hard-working people see the error in their weights. Take away the mass market fast food, mate, but do not mess with the pepperoni rolls.
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Earlier today, we noted that Paranormal Activity 2 had found a new director, Tod "Kip" Williams, allowing the sequel to the most successful haunted bedroom movie of all time to proceed full-steam ahead. Shortly thereafter on the Paranormal Activity website, producer Oren Peli posted an official announcement of Williams' selection, ending with this tantalizing bit: "I don't want to spoil the story but I promise it'll surprise you. Stay tuned." This, it seems, is an open invitation to start wildly speculating about PA2's premise. And so we will! After the jump, our five best guesses about the set-up for the next round of pants-soiling thrills Paramount will deliver.
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Chloe, Atom Egoyan's ripe, psychosexual minuet, poses the infidelity thriller's founding question -- Who am I married to? -- only to leave it to molder, a red herring at last. Even its opening monologue, in which the title character, an upscale call girl played by Amanda Seyfried, makes a compelling case for her market value, is a bit of a feint: this is not a film about what men want, or why they cheat, although the gauzy boudoir shots of Seyfried snapping into her La Perla may suggest otherwise. Able to intuit and attend to the every fantasy and exquisite pressure point of her clients, what Chloe gets out of the bargain, when the sex worker stars align, is to disappear. It's a trick and a trap that powers much of Chloe's rich but blaringly unsubtle treatment of both its central relationship and the larger prism of female sexual identity.
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· Here we have the poster for Rodrigo Garcia's Mother and Child, starring Annette Bening, Naomi Watts, and Kerry Washington. Click for bigger.
· In the battle between Lady Gaga and Michel Gondry, Donny Osmond is firmly Team Gondry.
· Even the characters saw this coming: FlashForward returned to weak ratings last night.
· If you want to impress Christina Hendricks, blow her mind with home theater technology. Works every time.
· In all fairness, if I had a rad "I went to the Super Bowl on mushrooms" story like John Cusack does, I wouldn't stop talking about it either.
New York Fashion Week -- that magical time of year when fashion insiders pack into Bryant Park tents to, uh, do something while the Housewives of New York City squabble from their first-row runway seats. Last night's edition of RHoNYC, aptly titled "Fashion and Fighting," included the traditional fashion show histrionics and a few other surprises, like a faulty reference to the stalker cult classic Single White Female and the possibility of an afternoon delight. After the jump, Movieline picks out the truest and fakest moments from Bravo's latest reality programming low. (If that doesn't interest you, why don't you take Bethenny's own advice and "Go read another book on etiquette and manners"?)
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What will Heidi Montag do now that The Hills has been canceled? Screenwrite! "After working with Oscar-winner Ron Howard on a short film project [for FunnyorDie.com] and then working for days with the comedic genius director Dennis Dugan and his team of brilliant comedy visionaries at Happy Madison on Just Go With It starring Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston, I have been able to truly find what makes me the happiest in life," Montag told People. "I am making the first 3-D beach comedy about a shark that attacks a small beach town and I save the day with my 3-D boobs." Yes, I can see the logical progression of thought there. The ghost of Gene Kelly is rescinding his support. [People]
Color(block) me shocked: This challenge ruled. Tim Gunn raised his forefather arm in the air, waved it over the dowdy Gettysburg crowd, and deployed a fabulous assignment that would stun even a hardcore fashionista like Ambrose Burnside. Ready for the glam?
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