Barring those of us who can fist-pump at 90 RPM (and some upset viewers), we all have a lot to learn from MTV's Jersey Shore. The Real World-style docusoap about tanned Jersey maniacs who take up in a summer share and throw around Jager and the word "classy" with equal flexibility, Jersey Shore is filled with -- above all else -- lessons in manliness. Some chapters in the text: Tanning, re-tanning, saying the word "retard" in a strong baritone, flexing on accident, sweating, and wearing a mic pack over your board shorts. Simple things. Therefore, when one of the umber "Guido" housemates drops the machismo, even for a moment, the show's valor is at stake. Movieline promises to do right and point out when a guido becomes an honorary guidette. After the jump, we award the first episode's premier softy.
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At least that's what creator Joss Whedon said, in a new interview with Maureen Ryan of the Chicago Tribune. According to Whedon, Fox "got twitchy" about the idea of showing Dollhouse's main character Echo (Eliza Dushku) in sexually compromising situations "about five minutes after they bought" the series. Whedon continued, "The idea of sexuality was a big part of the show when it started and when that fell out, when the show turned into a thriller every week, it took something out of it that was kind of basic to what we were trying to do." [The Watcher]
Viewers will finally find out who killed the wife of obsessive-compulsive San Francisco sleuth Adrian Monk in tonight's series finale. Tony Shalhoub assures viewers that Monk's climax is everything they've been dreaming of: "When I read the finale, I was really moved and very satisfied. I thought it was going to be tricky to pull off...I discovered, once I was in it, that it all started to come to me. I had been loaded up for eight years."
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Late night, John Travolta ushered in the golf weekend with tales from his first Broadway shows, a bundle of memories recently revisited when the star filmed Old Dogs in New York City. That clip, along with the other moments you missed while sleeping off that New Moon piracy nightmare, after the jump.
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· Last night at the Lovely Bones premiere, Mark Wahlberg announced that Entourage has two seasons left before the gang makes a movie. Cue the hazy dissolve...Vincent Chase has been riding high ever since the release of Steven Spielberg's remake of The Philadelphia Story, but when a scandal from his past threatens to derail his latest career resurgence, his team of supporters must come to his rescue. Meanwhile, Mrs. Ari is thinking about adopting a set of Laotian twins and Ari Gold wants nothing of it but knows that with the impending merger of his company, his wife will need a couple extra hands around the house. Drama is in the hospital after an auto-erotic mishap but a new money-making scheme from Turtle has him on the road to recovery. Lastly, E still doesn't know what to do about Sloan but a wild boar hunting trip in Texas with Mario Batali and T. Boone Pickens makes him realize that life is short and he should put more of himself into his marriage -- if only he could escape from the clutches of a multinational Chicano street gang. Other ideas welcome. [Reuters]
Fox develops werewolves, Justin Bobby is renewed, and more TV Bites after the jump.
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First of all, let's thank our lucky stars that Launch My Line isn't Project Runway. We all know how well it goes when Bravo tries to reclaim Runway's prestige with a knockoff, and Launch My Line sports none of The Fashion Show's boiler room lighting or janitorial judging panel. With miniature twin hosts Dean and Dan Caten of the designer brand DSQUARED2 helming the proceedings and insane contestants filling the workroom, this show almost doesn't need fashion to be entertaining. In fact, it might just need its first episode, which featured a quote that trumps the entire last season of Runway.
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"Your mission tonight is to find the hottest Guido and take him home," says one Jersey Shore vacationer in tonight's premiere of the MTV reality series that has already angered one Italian-American group. But with nicknames like J-Wow and The Situation, and earnest declarations like, "I'm a bartender, I do great things," you might want to give this retro-evolutionary series a try before banning MTV from your household.
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Last night's Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson opened with surprise guest Kristen Bell acting out a skit so twisted that you'll never be able to hear the phrase "That's what Daddy likes" in the presence of a bald man playing bagpipes, without sudden nausea. That moment and the others you missed while figuring out why you didn't make Barbara Walter's 10 Fascinating People list this year, after the jump.
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Steven Seagal: Lawman has its detractors (Hello, Jefferson Parish Sheriff's Office, and thank you for the comments!), but the new "real-life" A&E cop drama featuring the star of Out for Justice as a zen-mastering Louisiana policeman is watchable, at least. Tracking down baddies with a charging squad and a boom mic remains a recyclable TV feast. But better yet, this series comes packed with plenty of Seagal teachings that deserve a textbook all its own.
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· Little love will have been lost when Lisa Kudrow reunites with her Friends colleague Courteney Cox in Cougar Town January 6. The show's creator Bill Lawrence has revealed that Kudrow "plays a dermatologist who is a horrible, horrible person, but [Cox] goes to her because she's the best. The [sight] of them playing people who dislike each other intensely was very funny." Lawrence credits Cox and Kudrow for the idea. But maybe the real credit goes to Brad Pitt, who explored the same concept when he guest-starred on Friends as the bitter former classmate of Rachel Green, played by his then wife, Jennifer Aniston. [EW]
Kevin Connolly tries sketch comedy, George Clooney's dream 6'5 Caucasian man with a dash of Chickasaw is realized, and more TV Bites after the jump.
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Adam Lambert has tweeted that ABC has canned two more scheduled appearances: Jimmy Kimmel Live, and his performance on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve: "Yes, sadly friends, ABC has cancelled my appearances on Kimmel and NYE. 🙁 don't blame them. It's the FCC heat." Great. I thought I'd be ringing in 2010 with the long-awaited reunion of Ryan Seacrest's face and Lambert's crotch. Guess it's Chinese takeout and bed by 11:45 once again. [PopEater]
The specs for Steven Seagal's docuseries Lawman, which premieres tonight on A&E at 10 PM, are impressive to say the least. The martial arts star has apparently acted as a deputy in a Louisiana sheriff's department for the past two decades, and Lawman allows us to see Seagal in Cops-reminiscent action on the Big Easy's streets. This is real. This is an unscripted Steven Seagal law enforcement series. The trailer even has to state that it's "not a joke." But a lawman's worst enemy is his own shortcomings, and viewers must worry that Seagal's most elusive foe looms at all times: his flinging, girly limbs, caught on tape after the jump.
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Now it's really the holiday season, so all your favorite Christmas specials (and apparently the Black Eyed Peas) have to creep out of the closet, hog primetime, and infect your placid day with enough nostalgia that only a VH1 special could explain. I can't watch any classic claymation without thinking of Michael Ian Black making doe eyes and wondering if Santa was carrying latent homosexuality in that sack. Did that not ever happen? Fine.
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For those fans that have been following Lo and Lauren since their days in Laguna Beach, this season of The Hills was a bitter one. With the franchise's heroine and moral center gone, the series wobbled around Speidi's marital discontent, Kristen's lack of ambition outside the dating pool, and Brody's off-the-charts narcissism. Sure, there were brief moments of pain (Jayde), brilliance (Enzo) and wisdom (Lo), but they were mostly passed over in favor of increasingly manufactured situations like pregnancy scandals and Jagermeister-sponsored interventions. In last night's finale, producers continued to shove the only genuine elements left in the series off a Malibu cliff, ensuring that if there is a sixth season, it will be an even less satisfying one. After the jump, the season five's last winners of the Real/Fake Jackpot.
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The Salahis certainly screwed the pooch by crashing the White House, but the gravity of the couple's error wasn't apparent until today, when the cast of The Real Housewives of New Jersey weighed in on Tareq and Michaele's déclassé actions. Dina Manzo and Teresa Giudice called the couple irresponsible, but Caroline Manzo told US that the Salahis basically Skype with terrorists: "There are plenty of ways to get your 15 minutes. I thought it was irresponsible -- very irresponsible. We are at a time of war and what message does that send to those who want to do us harm?" Can't wait to watch what happens to Andy Cohen's knowledge of national security. [Us]
