· Could the current season of American Idol SUCK. ANY. HARDER? No. It could not. Go away, Ellen. You stink. I'm going to go ahead and forget this season ever happened, and just crown my own winner right now. It's a tie! Congratulations, Lexy and Stephany! Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away from Ellen with me. (t/y Paul) [YouTube]
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What Christoph Waltz really wants to do is direct. No, seriously: The recent Oscar-winner confirmed this afternoon he'll be directing the German-language romantic comedy (!) Up and Away for Fox International Productions -- whose president says his business model doesn't generally include foreign distribution. You'll get to see it eventually, no doubt, to appraise Waltz's grasp of the story of a dating-game-show host who must "confront her callous feelings about romance, which place a greater emphasis on its marketability than emotion." Waltz explains: "When you make feelings a commodity, it's not a feeling anymore." Clearly he missed The Bachelor this season. But good luck, anyway! [LAT]
This television season is missing a little something in the way of reality judge incoherence, and the drought continues. THR reports that Paula Abdul has passed on the gig judging ABC's Star Search reboot because producers couldn't meet the $5 million salary she'd already turned down at American Idol. Unfortunately for Abdul, that's the problem she's been encountering all over town, since no show besides television's biggest will blow its comparatively meager budget on the entertainer. Sorry, Paula...here, have a look at some babies! [THR]
Look, today hasn't been the best day for everyone, has it? Poor Sandy Bullock has her business splashed on the front page of People, Snooki's drunk driving fatality has come to light, and Heidi's psychic manager was summarily fired in a way that Brandon Tartikoff and Gene Kelly could never have seen coming. We all need a little uplift this afternoon, so here are some stills from the upcoming Focus Features epic Babies, which is literally just about four babies. All of them are growing up in very different parts of the globe, and none of them are voiced by celebrities. They're just friggin' babies doing baby stuff for ninety minutes or something. This is what the world needs now!
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Bummer times ahead, everyone: Jesse James has issued a statement to People in the wake of rumors that he had cheated on wife Sandra Bullock, and he appears to confirm the allegations while apologizing for his behavior. Will it be enough to thwart the Best Actress curse? Here's the full statement from James:
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Are you in need of a third-generation intuitive healer to manage your career? Aiden Chase, the Beverly Hils-based psychic Heidi Montag hired last week to guide her acting path, has already been fired after allegedly "demanding a significant portion of [Montag's] Hills money," claims Us. Sorry Heidi, but Movieline is siding with Team Chase on this one -- any man who can summon entertainment advice from the graves of Gene Kelly and Brandon Tartikoff is not cheap. [Us]
"Da-vyyyyy! Daaaa-vy Crockett! King of the Wild Frontieeeerrr..." That will be stuck in your head the rest of the day now that the sad news of Fess Parker's death has hit the wires. The 85-year-old actor made his name in Disney's '50s-era franchise about the legendary American settler, discovered by Walt Disney himself while battling authority in the schlock classic Them! His resolve, intelligence and sensitivity became the hallmark (and somewhat of an albatross) in future Disney efforts including Old Yeller and Westward Ho!, until finally breaking free of the studio shackles and becoming a renaissance man on TV and in the business field as well.
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· Will this poster for Killers turn up defaced in the background of Grey's Anatomy this season? Stay tuned!
· Jamie Foxx will star opposite Bruce Willis in the videogame adaptation of Kane & Lynch, even though his game avatar has way more in common with Billy Bob Thornton.
· Might Charlotte Gainsbourg reunite with Lars von Trier for Melancholia, now that Penelope Cruz is out of the picture?
· Amanda Seyfried and McG are attached to The Girl Who Conned the Ivy League.
· If your little girl looks up to Disney princesses, get ready to explain away some terrible romantic advice.
It's official: The shining light of Bright Star, Abbie Cornish, has taken a role in W.E., Madonna's second directing effort. Co-written by Alek Keshishian, director of her Blonde Ambition-era documentary Truth or Dare, W.E. is based on the true story of King Edward VIII abdication of the throne in 1936 to marry twice-divorced American socialite Wallis Simpson. Already signed on was Vera Farmiga, whom Madonna had wooed with several cups of tea. Farmiga said yes to taking on the role of The Duchess of Windsor without having seen Madonna's first directorial effort -- 2008's musical menage-a-twat Filth and Wisdom, which was dismissed by most critics (though Ben Lyons saw potential).
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Phew. For a second there, we were worried that this movie would be terrible! [Twitter via Lucas]
Fresh off of what is one of the biggest successes of his career, Tim Burton has found his next project in The Addams Family. The director will helm a stop-motion, 3D take on the property, and plans to harken back more to the tone of the original Charles Addams drawings than the TV show or live-action film adaptations did. And yes, Tim Burton doing stop-motion Addams Family sounds like a perfect fit, but we said the same thing before he made Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Alice in Wonderland, didn't we? Handle with care, Tim. [Deadline]
Just hours after publishing our probe into a possible link between winning the Best Actress statue and divorce, People reports Sandra Bullock has left the home she shares with TV personality and motorcycle builder Jesse James -- or "that," as she referred to him in her acceptance speech. This comes after abruptly canceling a trip to London for The Blind Side's UK premiere for what a Warner Bros. rep called "unforeseen" reasons. At issue? James's alleged affair with Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, a tattooed lady (with eyes that folks adore so, and a torso even more so) who sold her story to InTouch. [People]
· You can't really blame Columbia for wanting to go back to the blog-based biopic realm that so successfully spawned Julie & Julia, so get ready for The Pioneer Woman. Reese Witherspoon is at the top of the list to star as a city girl whose road-trip detour to Oklahoma wound up getting her involved with a cowboy and starting over in the country. There's even an ancillary cookbook. Derivative? Of course! But that probably only means you should be surprised it didn't happen sooner. [Deadline]
Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher set up a romantic comedy of their own, The Smurfs get another human counterpart, and more Hollywood Ink after the jump.
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Lost cast members recently filmed some sort of dada art installation where they all say, "Mmmm, cake." I feel frazzled. No, frosted. [Jezebel]
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The NBC reality competition The Apprentice will return in its original, un-celebrified form this fall, but with a twist: The 14 job-seeking contestants will all have been "hit hard by the economic downturn." Said Trump in a statement: "I'm proud to be putting people back to work, and to positively changing the psychology of America." This means we'll bear witness to a more sensitive Donald Trump, a mensch who will wait until after the press conference to remark that you're a fat loser. [EW]