The one thing all critics agreed upon when it came to New Moon was that it possessed a certain unmistakable ... how do you say ... joie de marshmallowcore gay porn. So what took this long for an actual New Moon-inspired gay porn shoot to surface, I have no idea -- but here it is, in all its hairless, prodigiously beshlonged glory. Run naked and free, Brazilian Gay Porn Jacob Black! The rest of your pack is waiting for you just over yonder, for a rigorous evening of twinkie vampire hunting, werepoppers and hot oil massage. [VERY NSFW: ONTD]
Two children's classics whose hallucinatory mixture of exhilaration and dread has perhaps been most compellingly evinced by a Jefferson Airplane song and a Tom Petty video, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass are tricky cinematic source material. The 1951 Disney animated feature never quite reached the canonical status of a Cinderella or Snow White; Lewis Carroll's iconoclastic heroine seemed to resist the plangent, embalming tones of such fare, despite having her own coterie of talking animals and fatalistic queens. What she didn't have was a prince, which curiously enough is the first thing Tim Burton, in his hybridic update, gives her. It's a conventional tweak that doesn't bode well for an adaptation of a tale as idiosyncratic as Alice, which requires descendants to inhabit its spirit of invention in an organic and yet equally singular way.
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How do you sell a wonky script about the Consumer Financial Protection Agency to the Funny or Die audience, which only loves foul-mouthed babies and celebrity cameos? Simple: You hire Ron Howard to direct it, then fill the five-minute clip with every famous presidential impression ever. Will Ferrell and Dana Carvey as the Bushes! Chevy Chase as Gerald Ford! Fred Armisen and Maya Rudolph as the Obamas, and unkillable SNL veteran Darrell Hammond as Bill Clinton! Also, Jim Carrey as Ronald Reagan for some reason! (Admittedly, it is kind of the best one.) Watch, bask in the star wattage, and scratch your head a little bit:
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We're at T-minus 96 hours and counting until the 82nd Academy Awards blitz us with glamour, drama and all the cut-off acceptance speeches you can bear. Who's excited? Woot! But do you know what would make the preening spectacle all the more watchable (at least if you're in New York City)? If you were to attend Movieline's Oscar Viewing Party at 92YTribeca. And now, because all this cascading glory is wasted on Mo'Nique, we've even got things you can win. And you won't even have to stand around backstage waiting to get them engraved!
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Hey, can someone help me figure out Rob Lowe? The actor has left two shows with sprawling ensembles (Brothers & Sisters and The West Wing) because he felt he wasn't getting enough screen time, and now Michael Ausiello is reporting that Lowe will join the cast of Parks & Recreation. I mean, it's a great comedy and all, but is there going to be very much room for him? This is a show that has the fantastic Rashida Jones in its cast and in some episodes, she gets little more than three lines and a reaction shot. I'm wary! [EW]
A priceless artifact from the long-mourned marriage of Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger has turned up, claims Perez Hilton. Allegedly, Stephen Baldwin commissioned this portrait of Alec for Kim during their courtship, and now it's on eBay for low fee of $200. Sure, this looks more like the product of a John Travolta/Claudia Schiffer tryst than Alec Baldwin, but it's the thought that counts. And lord knows that Stephen is not a thoughtless little pig. [Perez Hilton]
Previously, on Lost: Sayid is shot by Ben Linus's dad! Then he dies. For two hours. Then he un-dies. Sort of. The bearded Temple Master is angry. Claire looks disheveled. The Thing That Looks Like Locke But Is Not Actually Locke glares at her. Hurley snacks on a Dharma Initiative-supplied, generic Toaster Strudel. People live similar, but significantly different, lives on the flash-sideways timeline. You wish no one would ever use the words "flash-sideways" or "timeline" again. In the Lost writers' office, a balding man in glasses draws a red line through a whiteboard entry for "Ep. 606: Sundown." The other writers nod ominously.
Please join us as we once again attempt to answer a fresh batch of questions baked up in last night's episode, pulled piping hot from the island's wood-fired mystery-oven. [Oh, yeah: SPOILERS. You know what that means by now.]
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Sure, conventional Oscar pools are fine ways to impress your friends and make a few bucks on the side. But when it comes to leveling the playing field for even the least film-savvy attendees at your soiree, there's only one pool that does the trick: Movieline's "In Memoriam" Montage Pool.
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· HBO has finally given a greenlight to the much-anticipated fantasy series Game of Thrones, pictured here. Sean Bean! Peter Dinklage! Swords, horses, beards, and old-timey language! I'm there.
· Do you watch The Forgotten when you've forgotten that you can change the channel after Lost? Now there will be less episodes to accidentally catch the first act of.
· In the bid to finish The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, Summit has replaced David Slade's longtime editor Art Jones with Nancy Richardson, who edited the other two Twilight films.
· Megan Fox has only slept with two people in her life, she tells Bazaar, meaning the likelihood of her tattooing your name onto her body after sex is at least 50%. Good to know!
After each Winter Olympics, American athletes typically get two weeks of residual attention before they disappear back into obscurity. That is not the case for Johnny Weir, the flashy figure skater from Coatesville, Penn., whose star has only grown brighter since the games ended on Sunday. Weir's docuseries, Be Good Johnny Weir is just over halfway through its first season on the Sundance Channel, and the skater, whose disappointing sixth place finish last week was largely believed to be political, is busy planning his future in skating, fashion and television.
Moveline caught up with the Olympian after a whirlwind day of press to discuss his experience with reality television, his friendship with Lady Gaga and the one clichéd performance that he still wants to try.
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The Hurt Locker broadsides kept coming Tuesday, as the man with whom writer-producer Mark Boal was once embedded as a journalist in Iraq has filed a lawsuit claiming Locker was based on his life and work. The charges were first revealed in a press release sent out by lawyers for Master Sgt. Jeffrey S. Sarver, the bomb-defusion expert whom Boal profiled for Playboy in 2005. So wait a second: After alll that crap saying The Hurt Locker was inaccurate and disrespectful, another veteran steps forward on the last day of Oscar voting to say it was so close to life it ripped off his identity? What the hell is going on here?
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After Crystal Bowersox staged her own demise and tricked the ever-unprepared male contestants into performing last night, I expected the first day of Idol's Top 10 performances to go over like a lead balloon with Randy Jackson dancing the tarantella on top. Instead, the cooing little bandits improved! I rank the night's performances from worst to best after the jump, where you'll soon find yourself suffering from fetus envy.
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The promos for Zach Galifianakis's SNL-hosting stint are online, and it's looking as though we're off to a great start. This is just the platform he needs to get noticed by a wider audience! [NBC.com]
Word emerged yesterday that Sacha Baron Cohen would no longer present an Oscar at Sunday's Academy Awards. Reasons were offered and rationalizations were made, all having to do with Baron Cohen's rumored Avatar sketch and just how little tolerance James Cameron might actually have for self-deprecation. Fine. But here's another, even likelier theory to consider: The bit wasn't funny.
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You can say this for Mo'nique's reluctance to do press this awards season: It's made her upcoming Oscar night interview with Barbara Walters kind of interesting. Not only does she dish on her unshaven gams, but she also discusses her open marriage with husband Sidney Hicks: "Let me say this: I have not had sex outside my marriage with Sidney. Could Sid have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That's not a deal-breaker. That's not something that would make us say, 'Pack your things and let's end the marriage.'" Former adultress Barbara Walters was scandalized, asking how often Mo' would allow that. "What if it's 20 times?" the actress responded. "So what? We've been best friends for over 25 years, and we truly know who we are." [NYDN]
