There will be Tiger Blood! Dimension Films has released the first official still from Scary Movie 5 and — yikes! — it has me cowering behind my fingers. I can't stop thinking about the hell spawn that would be unleashed on this world if Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan actually hooked up and she got pregnant. The image also makes me think that if this movie does successfully re-boot the franchise and leads to a Scary Movie 6, the producers will attempt to top themselves by reuniting Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries in a sex scene. Or maybe Humphries can don the white mask and dispatch Kanye West while he's canoodling with Kim. (Unnh, I just threw up in my mouth.) The movie, which is due out in 2013, also stars Ashley Tisdale, Heather Locklear and, the reason I'm going to see it: the very funny Craig Bierko.
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Finally, the Scary Movie franchise is living up to its waning reputation as the
classiest WTF-iest of the lowest common denominator spoof-offs, as The New York Post reveals: "'Charlie [Sheen] and Lindsay [Lohan] filmed a love scene,' said a spy. 'The scene they were shooting for the movie was of them in bed together'... We hear the Scary script called for Lohan to kiss Sheen, and also to slip into a kinky collar." Making out with Charlie Sheen! Just another thing Amanda Bynes hasn't had to do. (Yet.) [NY Post via WetPaint]
So there's good news and bad news regarding Scary Movie 5. The bad news is... well, there is a Scary Movie 5. The good news? Anna Faris has reportedly exercised her option and/or good judgment to step away from the ever-deteriorating franchise. And then there's this, which could go either way depending on your taste: The new installment reportedly intends to spoof Black Swan. Like, the whole thing.