Charlie Sheen Trashes Two and a Half Men, Alcoholics Anonymous and Thomas Jefferson in New Interview

CharlieSheenWar225.jpgWhy deny your addiction problems through a publicist when you can call into a conservative talk show and deny them yourself? That's the case Charlie Sheen made this afternoon when he dialed into The Alex Jones Show to talk about the "troll hell" that is Alcoholics Anonymous, his resentment towards Two and a Half Men producers and the reason why he is committing to drug use and violence. Click through for the best (worst?) quotes.

On the charges he's addicted to drugs: "The only thing I'm addicted to right now is winning."

On Alcoholics Anonymous: "I was shackled and oppressed by the cult of AA for 22 years. I finally extracted myself from their troll hole and started living my life the way I want to live it." [Editor's note: With hookers?]

On drug testing: "Here's your first pee test. Next one goes in your mouth. No, you won't get high."

On success: "My success rate is 100 percent."

On the media: "I'm dealing with fools and trolls. [...] I don't have time for their judgment and stupidity. They lie down with their ugly wives in front of their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and say, 'I can't process it.' And they never will."

On the disease of alcoholism: "Debate me on AA right now. I have a disease? Bullsh*t. I cured it right now with my mind."

On Two and a Half Men producers: "I was told if I went on the attack they'd cancel the show. Are they happy with the 5 billion dollars they made off me or do they want 10?"

His motto: "My motto now is either you love or you hate and you must do so violently. I don't live in the middle anymore. That's where you get embarrassed."

On Chuck Lorre's vanity card message to Sheen: "Yeah, I didn't care about that vanity card. [...] That was actually one of the few compliments that clown has paid me in almost a decade."

On his hands: "I've got magic and I've got poetry in my fingertips. And this is most of the time including naps."

On his new tattoo: "Yeah, it's just pure and complete gnarly-isms. [...] It's the banner from the death card that Kilgore is throwing on his victims [from Apocalypse Now] but there's also -- falling from it -- is the apple from The Giving Tree. There's my life. Deal with it. Oh wait, can't process it? Losers. Buh bye."

On Thomas Jefferson: "I'm not Thomas Jefferson. He was a p*ssy."

On his travel plans: "I"m going to hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It may be lonely up here but I sure like the view."

On him: "Newsflash, I'm special."

We here at Movieline HQ have no words. For the full interview, listen here.

· Charlie Sheen's Bizarre New Interview: Slams Alcoholic Anonymous, Says His Rate For Beating Addiction Is 100%