Screenwriter Scott Stabile has read the pans and box office bomb reports and anti-Oogieloves screeds, and yet! He's got nothing but (Oogie)love for even his harshest critics: "As all of us adults know, we live in a tense and troubled world. Young kids will be exposed to plenty of real-life scares and violence on TV, in video games, on the computer and in daily life. Why do we have to expose preschoolers to anything but innocence and love in a 90-minute movie? Why isn’t it enough to show a gentle world where people are kind and help one another, in hopes that young kids mimic those sentiments over fighting and jealousy and revenge?" [Scott Stabile via Oogieloves on Facebook]
Oh, those Oogieloves — even a record-setting, all-time low worst box office opening of all time can't keep 'em down. At least, according to Oogieloves mastermind Kenn Viselman, who managed to spin the G-rated kiddie pic's abysmal $448,131 three-day take (that's roughly $207 per screen) into something positive.
Teletubbies marketing visionary Kenn Viselman was banking on his latest kiddie venture, the C-list cameo-packed "interactive" adventure The Oogieloves In The Big Balloon Adventure, capturing the hearts and minds of 3-5 year-olds and their parents this Labor Day weekend. But while it looks like Viselman will make a historical splash in the film game, it's so, so, so the wrong kind: Averaging just $47 per screen after opening in 2,160 theaters on Wednesday, Oogieloves could go down with one of the worst openings of all time.
And I thought this whole Oogieloves business couldn't get any stranger. Take it away, A.O. Scott! "Nobody is mean in this movie. They talk very loud. Theres parts where you dance or say cheers and rimes which made it noisy in the theter. Hallie’s dad said it was Rocky Horror for toddlers whatever that is. Me and Hallie are 7 and we thought it was for babies. Theo is 3 and a half. Dont you dare call him 3. He ran in circels and fell asleep. At the end the Oogieloves get all the bloons and the bloons grow faces. That was kind of a scary part evn tho the bloons were nice." When I was seven I could spell much better than this, but whatevs. Yes, it counts toward the Tomatometer on Rotten Tomatoes. WTF indeed. [NYT]
This week, your Labor Day holiday viewing kicks off with Tom Hardy in cardigans in John Hillcoat's Lawless for the grown-ups and the PG-13 horror flick The Possession for everyone else. Well, almost everyone else; if you have eyeballs and live in the targeted marketing range of self-professed Teletubbies PR whiz Kenn Viselman, another new offering is jockeying for the disposable ticket monies of the kid-toting demographic out there. Its name is Oogieloves. And it's coming for you.