Five Possible Directions for the Barbie Movie
Having fended off Hollywood's lascivious advances for five full decades, Barbie has finally collapsed onto its couch with her legs spread, exhausted from years of being chased around a desk by horny, pantsless studio-executive suitors promising to make her a big movie star. Variety reports that Universal is the beneficiary of the Mattel icon's weary willingness to surrender her big-screen virtue to the highest bidder, announcing today they've reached a deal for a live-action film based on America's favorite plastic bundle of unhealthy body-image issues.
Reaching the deal was the easy part; with the relationship consummated (awkwardly, we'd assume, as her significant other of fifty years has no genitals), Universal must now pull up its pants and figure out what, exactly, that franchise-launching Barbie movie might be. (This isn't some obvious toy-to-film conversion, like, um View-Master or, er, Battleship) What follows are Movieline's attempts to help Universal jump start its development process by narrowing down the list of Barbie's 120-plus jobs (a partial list here, and an informative slideshow here) to a more manageable number and looking at the narrative possibilities those occupations might yield.