The final Idol four were trotted out last night wearing adorable leather top hats, aviator sunglasses, and shoulder-length Jewfros -- a loving tribute to their Rock Week mentor, Slash. And rock they did, Adam Lambert scandalizing Heartland America with purred pledges to give them "every inch of my love," and 17-year-old Allison Iraheta breaking middle-aged men's hearts with her bluesy take on the lesser known Jackie Jormp-Jomp song, "Cry Baby." Had host Ryan Seacrest not pointed at an overturned spinning orb straight out of The Big Book of Fascist Architecture dangling precariously at far stage right, you'd have almost thought that nothing was out of the ordinary.
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We watch a bunch of late night chat shows every night, but it's not often that we make it all the way to Carson Daly. We're not suggesting you set an alarm for 1:35 AM, but if you make it past the Craig Ferguson/Jimmy Fallon slot or have some room in that DVR, it's worth the thirty minutes to watch one of the more self-assured but still self-deprecating hosts working today.
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Today brought good news to a handful of pilots picked up by NBC, but there were plenty more that weren't -- including some of the network's most high-profile, impeccably-pedigreed projects in development. Which shows will never be (barring an unforeseen reprieve), and which stars are suddenly available?
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In a world where no one is getting rich and dowdy YouTube virtuosos are getting gigs, it's high time for primetime game shows to give Americans hope again: The hope that they could strategize their way through a series of mathematical probabilities and dollar amounts and receive the ultimate fist bump.
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NBC just concluded its "infronts," and though the fate of several bubble shows (like the geek cause célèbre Chuck) hasn't been decided, the network did announce the pickup of six new series. Our initial impressions? Boy, does NBC want to be ABC. Here's a look at the new shows (with video), each broken into handy-dandy ABC formulas:
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Stoking disease fears is the job of the mainstream news media, but it doesn't mean that the artistic fringe can't also get in on the action. Strap on your face masks, pour yourself a big bowl of Purell, and sit back as Animal Planet exposes the porcine problem.
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Still smarting from the abrupt removal of In the Motherhood and Samantha Who? from ABC's Thursday night line-up, we went as far as to sign up for the text alerts for those programs. Tonight's episode of Grey's Anatomy should not be as painful as receiving a 4 a.m. text alerting us to new online content.
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Last night's elimination episode of American Idol bore witness to a somber Rat Pack funeral, as brave rodent warrior Matt Giraud was set adrift in a flaming shoebox towards the storied State Fair Valhalla awaiting all his fallen Idol brethren. It was sad, but not surprising: Giraud has cheated death more than once this season, having both benefited from a Wild Card pick, and, even more amazingly, from the Judge's Save -- a rare and wonderful 1UP mushroom that instantly replenishes your Super Karaoke Bros.' dwindling energy stores.
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WARNING: The following post contains a) spoilers for last night's episode of Lost, b) a tribute to a fallen character, and c) an animated .gif of Jeremy Davies. So, if you haven't seen "The Variable" yet, then you really need to stay off the internet and, like, hit up that DVR or something. Pronto.
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Fox viewers were still humming "Come Rain or Come Shine" and dialing 1-800-GOKEY when they were suddenly confronted with a nightclub prowling, syphilitic vampire on Fringe. (The first of its kind on primetime, I believe, if you don't count a 1998 Lifetime airing of Love at First Bite.) It turns out the highly virulent strain -- which adds several rows of razor sharp teeth and an appetite for spinal cord fluid in those it infects -- was developed by the U.S. government as an agent of germ warfare, and was sitting right under our noses under high-security lockdown towards the back of a Chinese restaurant.
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The economy is in the ICU and swine flu cases are quickly filling the other beds in this labored analogy, so it probably won't be fun and/or games at the Obama press conference tonight. Fox won't be showing the presser, so you apolitical types can get your propaganda over there.
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In the annals of unexplained Lost mysteries, there's always been one nagging question that showrunners Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof have promised to answer: what the hell was up with Libby? Libby, if you'll remember, was a quavery-voiced season two character who briefly developed a thing for Hurley (also an unexplained mystery!) before being shot dead in the glorious murder spree that also produced Michelle Rodriguez's third, never-before-seen facial expression. While Libby was the first Lost character to perish without her own flashback episode, producers have always said that her enigmatic backstory would be told in other ways. Now, not so much!
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And then there were five:
Matt Giraud: an eager-to-please, easier-to-forget Timberlakian soul crooner.
Allison Iraheta: a world-weary Southland teen packing V8 lungpower under the hood.
Danny Gokey: the product of a chance indiscretion between Michael McDonald and Sarah Palin in the back of a Chevy Impala during the 1980 Anchorage Annual Smelt Festival;
Kris Allen: an endearingly muppet-like Tiger Beat troubadour;
Adam Lambert: the Glamagothabilly frontrunner, and, some believe, the reincarnation of the fabled Coraniaid from Welsch mythology -- a demonic people whose deafening scream terrifies the countryside every May Eve.
Last night, they tackled the Rat Pack standards. That rolling sound was coming from Frank's grave.
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Imagine a world where time was an arbitrary construct and thus the GUIDE button on your remote was no longer functional. How would anyone know when American Idol was on? We'd like to think that Adam Lambert would stand on top of Fox Plaza and project his beautiful banshee screams throughout the troposphere, announcing the arrival of America's favorite show and disrupting air traffic in the Greater Southwest. Murdoch, it's sweeps. Think about it.
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As I write this, hundreds of tiny-fingered Malaysian children are stitching the final touches onto the line of fashion-themed reality shows coming to cable this season; some are tried and true, others will be as well-received as the Chloe Sevigny Ironic Scrunchie Collection. Let's rummage through the bin and see what we find.
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