Which Would You Rather (Not) See: New Year's Eve or Human Centipede 2?

In the brand new trailer for New Year's Eve, Garry Marshall's holiday-themed movie event that promises to give the phrase "ensemble romantic comedy" a bad name, Robert De Niro wonders what could possibly beat "New York on New Year's Eve." I'll tell you what: Not throwing all of your actorly credibility out the window confetti-style to appear alongside Zac Efron, Jon Bon Jovi and Ludacris in a movie that features Ashton Kutcher trapped in an elevator with the annoying girl from Glee. You know what other moviegoers might also consider better than seeing Garry Marshall's vision of NYC on New Year's Eve? Tom Six's Human Centipede 2, which inspires similar nausea but for different reasons.

These two features have more in common than you might think. Both New Year's Eve and Human Centipede 2 appear to be overblown follow-ups; New Year's Eve is the newest chapter in Garry Marshall's overstuffed holiday vignette movie series that started with Valentine's Day. Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence) is the stomach-churning sequel to Tom Six's Human Centipede (First Sequence).

Both films have an air of disturbing self-satisfaction (at least, judging from the below trailers): New Year's Eve in the way it assumes that audiences will want to see what looks like an unapologetically awful script acted out only because of the star power involved. Human Centipede 2 in the way its main character, Martin, is obsessed with Tom Six's first film Human Centipede and is inspired to construct his own 12-person pet because of it.

And in spite of the fact that both trailers might disgust us, people are going to see these movies.

Still undecided? I'll help you make an informed decision by sharing the disheartening casting notes:

Robert De Niro -- who gave us some of the best performances of this century in Raging Bull and Taxi Driver -- plays "Harry Buckingam, a man dying in a hospital." Oscar-nominated actress Michelle Pfeiffer plays "a frustrated executive secretary who decides to tackle her unfulfilled resolutions." Katherine Heigl plays "a caterer forced to work on December 31." Ashton Kutcher plays "Randy" -- no character information given, but from what I've seen in this trailer, he plays a depressed New Year's Eve non-believer who needs to shave. Ludacris plays a cop monitoring the Times Square festivities. Ryan Seacrest plays himself. Jon Bon Jovi plays "a successful rock star." And the list -- which includes three Academy Award winners in total (De Niro, Hilary Swank and Halle Berry) goes on.

Human Centipede stars Laurence R. Harvey as a squat loner who longs to stitch twelve people together mouth-to-anus.

Which would you rather (not) see? You tell me after seeing both trailers.

Or maybe Garry Marshall and Tom Six should just merge their two franchises for a next feature: Human Centipede 3 (St. Patrick's Day Sequence), in which "The lives of several couples and singles in New York intertwine over the course of St. Patrick's Day when a mad scientist mutilates them in order to assemble the ultimate, 20-person pede." Tagline (as quipped by Katherine Heigl in the glossy trailer): "There's going to be more celebrities in this 'pede than in rehab!"

Weigh in below!



Comments

  • The WInchester says:

    Can I just have the Ludovico technique applied to me while I watch Jack and Jill and call it a day?
    Or, you know, read a book instead? PLEASE!

  • Julie Miller says:

    Oh man, I wish Movieline had the resources to provide you with that experience. Also, I'm kind of looking forward to Jack and Jill. I think it is going to be gloriously bad!

  • Curly L'Orange says:

    I wish Tom Six could have made Human Centipede 2 with the cast of New Year's Eve.

  • The WInchester says:

    If you get that lucky scratch off lotto ticket, I'm game. Just sayin.
    I'd even sign up for twitter so that I could live tweet about it. You have no idea the amount of shame I swallowed typing that.

  • Fergusontx says:

    For some reason both of these movies make me think of Aaron Ralston and his battle with the rock. I saw Valentines Day and therefore will not see New Year's Eve. I did not see Human Centipede and therefore will not see Human Centipede 2. That makes perfect sense to me.

  • danton says:

    Dude, those were bad memories of Human Centipede...moving the beer quickly by just spinning was cool though, and the magical woman that appears everytime the door chime from the same beer purchase happens is so cool, too.

  • Megan says:

    One reason Martin from the Human Centipede 2 is more appealing than Lea Michele? He doesn't talk.
    So.....there's a few points headed in that direction...

  • Theron says:

    This fantastically blog is certainly cool and also diverting. I have establish helluva helpful advices outdated of this blog. I’d adore to visit it again and again. Thanks a bunch!

  • Trinity says:

    How To Go About Your Job Research In the Uk

  • I’m satisfied it was useful to me. Thanks for your function. Ill be in contact

Post a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s