Project Runway Recap: We Have a Winner! And a Headache!
Three weeks of excitement and 11 weeks of Chekhovian bleakness have led us to this moment. Project Runway's dubious sixth season concluded last night, and because you should see Heidi squeal the big winner's name like a festive cockapoo for yourself, I won't reveal the champion until after the jump. In the meantime, I reveal another secret: Guest-judge Suzy Menkes of the International Herald Tribune has a jacked-up haircut, and she stole it like candy from a baby. No, seriously, I mean Rugrats.
Who's our winner? Yes, that's right, Republic of Georgia's whining working class, it's Irina! (Told you.) But before we inspect her win, let's retrace the only part of this finale that mattered --
Carol Hannah's puke noises the collections and the final judging.
Because this season was filmed during that pocket of time when we didn't know if the show would air again, none of the designers at Bryant Park actually introduced their collections to the audience, since that would've given away to the press how well they did on the show. That doesn't mean Lifetime refrained from digitizing the designers onto the runway using special effects bought off the back of a truck. Because they did. They really did. In real life, Irina, Althea, and Carol Hannah never walked out, and the audience barely clapped once. It was a silent scream in there.
But the judging in the studio from Heidi, Michael, Nina, and cooing guest-judge (and thief of Phil and Lil DeVille's signature coif) Suzy Menkes was quite real! First we have Irina, who turned in a knit-heavy, all-black collection of sportswear punctuated with elaborate T-shirt designs. She also plagiarized the text on those shirts like a SparkNotes-pillaging demon from hell, but that's a discussion for another day. Let us inspect.
Heidi: Irina. I see you made clothes.
Irina: Yes! Yes. I am really attracted to the idea of a woman wearing her armor into the world. In New York, I think it's very difficult for a woman to balance her femininity and--
Michael: Save it. You did alright. I mean, we've seen that warrior women shit before and you used enough black to cover a thousand Roger Sterlings during a racist musical performance, but it looks like OK clothes from here. Good job. Whatever.
Nina: So you're going to win. I don't care. I told you before that an all-black collection doesn't film well for editorial. Did you listen? That's a dumb question. You are not capable of listening. You were too busy pelting Gordana with Skittles and laughing all season as she walked by you in the workroom. I suppose I admire how you peeled back those heavy layers and showed us those t-shirts. Otherwise I'm tired.
Heidi: Suzy, what do you have to say?
Suzy: (Chomping a scone, sipping something.) I declare! I found that you had cohesion and worked around a beginning point successfully! Many happy returns, young girl! From where I'm drinking, er, sitting, you look like kaleidoscopes and squirrels. A real winner! Mmm!
Heidi: Anyway. Irina, they looked finished. Let's turn to the leper Carol Hannah now.