Kevin Smith Explains Why He's Retiring: 'I Can't Bring Anything New To The Game'

Kevin Smith Retiring

Love or hate his shtick, Kevin Smith dropped some amusingly candid real talk on Larry King Now as he explained to the media kingpin why it is he's retiring from moviemaking after his forthcoming hockey film, Hit Somebody. "If I can’t bring anything new to the game, and I assure you I cannot, there’s no point in stepping up to the plate," said Smith, who also charmingly compared his 20 years behind the camera to getting an unexpected blow job.

Well, Clerks and the success that followed wasn't just like any blow job. "It was like hoping for a kiss and getting the most amazing blow job you’ve ever had in your life," he explained to King, who nearly choked as he nodded in recognition. Somebody here knows what you're talkin' about, Mr. Smith.

Hit Somebody was previously said to star Red State cast members Kyle Gallner, Nicholas Braun, and Michael Angarano, although the project has yet to begin filming. Meanwhile, Smith's not going anywhere; he may be moving out of the director's chair but he's got his multimedia interests (SModcast podcast, books, live shows, Spoilers on Hulu, AMC's Comic Book Men, Twitter).

[Larry King Now via Joblo]


  • Jan Kubicki says:

    This is the best news I've heard all year. He was a lousy filmmaker, worse than John Sayles even. He didn't write characters, he wrote speeches. He should have quit after Clerks. Good riddance.

    • *Sputtering* John Sayles!!!! What?

      I think I said something somewhat disparaging about Sayles somewhere a few weeks ago, and I felt a bit bad because generally he stands for a hell of a lot that is good about filmmaking, despite ultimately not being all that well rounded as we’re taught by the more didactic critics. And by their students who wear comic book t-shirts, look easy going as hell, but engage in offering opinions the way Maximus avenges his family.

      Still! Sayles deserves more than to be grouped in with Kevin F’n Smith. This retirement stuff is totally bogus, btw. He’ll take a job if he is ever allowed to take a job. I think that Bruce Willis fiasco was his attempt at being a director for hire who doesn’t need to write his own slop. But he is also a terrible director, so can’t hide behind that B.S. “that’s the Kevin Smith mojo!” that he has hidden behind for far too long. It’s not “retirement” when you get fired, can’t get a job and can’t get your script funded or any meaningful names in Hollywood to commit. Is Joel Schumacher “retired,” too?

      No, Kevin Smith is holding his own funeral hoping to hang around and see who shows up to say amazing things about him, and maybe, just maybe, the RIGHT GUY will fall on his knees and say good lord, if only I could take it upon myself to fund another Kevin Smith trainwreck! Then Kevin Smith cpmes out unsnagging his horrible hockey jeezy as he lumbers out from the bushes announcing his return! Yay!

      Frankly the best thing he could do for himself is do exactly what he says he’s doing (which I know he isn’t, thanks to this human albatross called ego), just whatever allows him to spout off and talk about meaningless shit, whatever he says at those tours he says at college halls. As a fellow human being, I wish him all the best. As a film devote, I can only pray his reign of horror truly is done. UNLESS he begins making GOOD movies. Then again, he can’t even talk to Larry King without thinking he’s cute for making a reference to blow jobs, so to hell with him. I mean really. That’s just tacky. Does he plan on being a 50yr old man wearing those clothes and talking shit like that?

    • macntosh says:

      Jan Kubicki you go and make millions oh wait you have no creativity gtfo scrub dont gotta be ashamed of likeing kevin go fall off a bridge you cunt

  • James Freud says:

    He didn't bring anything new in the first place! 😀

  • fluffrick says:

    He knows his limitations, and is honest about his shortcomings. Forgive me for not seeing why so many of you seem so intent on engaging in personal attacks rather than actual constructive criticism.

    Couldn't be jealousy on your part, of course...

  • Jake says:

    For the first time in a long time, I have respect for Kevin Smith. He's always been a likable guy, but his movies after Chasing Amy have been pathetic. Like, worse than a film school student bad. Really really awful. So for him to recognize that, that's big. As big as his gut. Hi-YOOOOO!

    But now, if he found some story he really wanted to tell, he could come out of retirement and tell it and I may actually go see it. Mainly because of this announcement.

    - Jake

  • It's been a long time since Smith made a good movie, if you ask me he's a little late in realizing that he has nothing left to offer.

  • Scott says:

    Gosh, so much invective toward Kevin Smith. I must have missed the interview where he claimed to be anything but a comedy buffoon...or the one where he said his movies were on par with Fellini's.

    I certainly recall that his story is one of a young man putting his balls on the line to make funny movies HIS WAY. Like them or not.

    Enjoy your cubicles, nasty drones.

  • Nelson` says:

    Why does he dress up like a mascot? He's never done or said anything funny in his life.