Write a Horror Haiku, Win a Cabin in the Woods Bong (and More) [UPDATED]
In honor of today's horror extravaganza Cabin in the Woods, pen a masterful horror-themed haiku and you could win a bounty of Cabin swag! Included in the grand prize: A Cabin t-shirt, a signed poster, the visualization "movie tie-in" book, the novelization (so you can understand the twists and turns and surprises at hand), and your very own Cabin in the Woods expanding bong (to, um, help you expand your mind and grasp what writer-producer Joss Whedon and director Drew Goddard are doing in this ultra meta-horror send-up). [UPDATE 4/16, 9:30 a.m. ET: The deadline has moved up! Read on for details...]
Cabin in the Woods is best left unspoiled, but suffice to say it's about a cabin... in the woods... where a group of unsuspecting coeds arrive one weekend, unprepared for what's to come. (Read Movieline's spoiler-free review here, or this spoilers-redacted SXSW report, for more.) Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Kristen Connolly, Jesse Williams, Fran Kranz, Richard Jenkins, and Bradley Whitford star.
The rules are simple: Submit an original haiku (using the 5-7-5 format) inspired by either Cabin in the Woods or your favorite horror classic, in the comments below or on Facebook/Twitter.
One grand prize winner will receive the following prize pack:
(1) Shirt
(1) Bong
(1) Visualization "Movie Tie-in" Book
(1) Novelization
(1) Signed Poster
But wait! FOUR runners-up will win a t-shirt, a poster, AND the coveted Cabin in the Woods bong. That's five chances to get your hands on the best (and arguably most useful) piece of movie swag to come along in a while. So hop to it, folks! Get your horror haiku on now.
[ED. NOTE: Due to site maintenance (including a commenting outage) Monday morning PT/afternoon ET, this contest will close earlier than originally expected. See details below.]
Contest closes Monday, April 16 at 5pm ET/2pm PT 12pm ET/9am PT. Entries must include an email address for contacting winners. Winner must be located in the U.S. Only one submission per person.
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Comments
Whore, Jock, Geek, Fool: Dead
The virgin is optional.
Their sins will save us?
I decided to take a slightly different approach to this contest. Instead of being inspired by a specific horror movie, I decided to write a Haiku about the entire movie genre. I started researching and trying to figure out why people, such as myself, are enticed by ghouls and gore. Sadly, I only found many "theories" that couldn't conclude anything or even begin to fully answer the question for me. I decided to forget about the psychology behind the movies and instead tried to focus on themes and images that are usually included in horror flicks like the stereotypical scenarios and terrifying monstrous villains. I felt this was a too over done, and began thinking about Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard and how they must have felt while they began writing Cabin in the Woods.They both probably were sick and tired of seeing revamps of the same scary movie over and over again. I know I was. Whedon and Goddard were able to write a genuinely new movie and truly make it they're own sick creation. I thought about all of the great people before Whedon and Goddard who had done the same. The people who had been tired of the redundancy of old regurgitated cinemas and who had truly wanted to shock and terrify audiences. I sat, reminiscing on all of my favorite horror cult classics and the great screenwriters and directors who gave these movies life. I pondered what drove these individuals to produce the grotesque creations that they did, what talent, creativity and brilliance they must behold. I feel that these poets of death have artfully kept us entertained for not only a few hours of our day, but for a lifetime. I wrote my poem in honor of all of the geniuses who were crazy enough to say, "No, that death simply will not do. It needs more blood." Enjoy.
Ode to the Masters of Horror: A Haiku
So few ways to die
Acclaimed mad men don’t know this
Please, bend and break us.
Lonely wood cabin
Monsters lay beneath the earth
Fuming Unicorn
they sought a virgin.
she was hot and in twenties.
dot. dot. dot. yeah right.
Look in the mirror
Check out the basement fusebox
You're as good as dead
We thumbs-down the films
That don't conform to our tropes.
We are the Old Ones.
the moose wolf's white teeth
judged our transgressions, oh no
zombie arm save me
A merman? For real?!
...It's just a Ghoulie with fins.
How disappointing.
Premiere two years late/ Helmsworth takes girl on bad date/ God they did not sate
Appease the old gods,
Slaughter the young hedonists,
Don’t forget the tits
On the prowl for love
Faceless ballerina girl
Danced into my heart
A bong's for fighting,
World's end by death avoided.
Don't bogart that joint.
Usual Suspects.
Surprise. Not. Splatter. Repeat.
They all die, maybe.
If blood does not flow
Bad things will happen for us
Oh crap, no spoilers
weekend getaways
your friends are much too sexy
to not die bloody
What's most frightening?
Monsters? Murderers? Or your
Imagination?
The bong? I must write.
Well, one puff first, then Haiku!
What was I doing
-
Woah, dude it's the bong.
We should totally write that.
Damn, not Canada!
Very funny, thanks Dave
A contest to win
But green, it beckons to me:
"Smoke now, haiku later."
Horror, cannot smoke.
Criminal charges pending.
But I must have bong.
kids at the cabin
mary jane gave protection
merman gets revenge
They must choose their fate,
While all of humanity...
Holds their breath and waits.
yearly sacrifice
jock, whore, nerd, fool and virgin?
"work with what you got"
Frozen in horror
Relentless blood lust creep comes
You can't turn your head
Warriors drank from skulls
as do I, but also eat
juicy grey white brains
cold white light shines down
walk starts on toes then change comes
clawed paws stretch and run
While eating cannabis, hemp fibre use, and infuriate inhalation can be traced back to dozens of ancient cultures throughout Asia
and the Middle East, historians first linked the smoking of
marijuana to the discovery of the New World. Be sure to extinguish your bong mix completely when you
have finished with it. With the aid of online you can get a better picture of all the designs
and colors and so on.
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