Write a Horror Haiku, Win a Cabin in the Woods Bong (and More) [UPDATED]

In honor of today's horror extravaganza Cabin in the Woods, pen a masterful horror-themed haiku and you could win a bounty of Cabin swag! Included in the grand prize: A Cabin t-shirt, a signed poster, the visualization "movie tie-in" book, the novelization (so you can understand the twists and turns and surprises at hand), and your very own Cabin in the Woods expanding bong (to, um, help you expand your mind and grasp what writer-producer Joss Whedon and director Drew Goddard are doing in this ultra meta-horror send-up). [UPDATE 4/16, 9:30 a.m. ET: The deadline has moved up! Read on for details...]

Cabin in the Woods is best left unspoiled, but suffice to say it's about a cabin... in the woods... where a group of unsuspecting coeds arrive one weekend, unprepared for what's to come. (Read Movieline's spoiler-free review here, or this spoilers-redacted SXSW report, for more.) Chris Hemsworth, Anna Hutchison, Kristen Connolly, Jesse Williams, Fran Kranz, Richard Jenkins, and Bradley Whitford star.

The rules are simple: Submit an original haiku (using the 5-7-5 format) inspired by either Cabin in the Woods or your favorite horror classic, in the comments below or on Facebook/Twitter.

One grand prize winner will receive the following prize pack:

(1) Shirt
(1) Bong
(1) Visualization "Movie Tie-in" Book
(1) Novelization
(1) Signed Poster

But wait! FOUR runners-up will win a t-shirt, a poster, AND the coveted Cabin in the Woods bong. That's five chances to get your hands on the best (and arguably most useful) piece of movie swag to come along in a while. So hop to it, folks! Get your horror haiku on now.

[ED. NOTE: Due to site maintenance (including a commenting outage) Monday morning PT/afternoon ET, this contest will close earlier than originally expected. See details below.]

Contest closes Monday, April 16 at 5pm ET/2pm PT 12pm ET/9am PT. Entries must include an email address for contacting winners. Winner must be located in the U.S. Only one submission per person.


  • Liz says:

    Whore, Jock, Geek, Fool: Dead
    The virgin is optional.
    Their sins will save us?

  • Cecilia Cordon says:

    I decided to take a slightly different approach to this contest. Instead of being inspired by a specific horror movie, I decided to write a Haiku about the entire movie genre. I started researching and trying to figure out why people, such as myself, are enticed by ghouls and gore. Sadly, I only found many "theories" that couldn't conclude anything or even begin to fully answer the question for me. I decided to forget about the psychology behind the movies and instead tried to focus on themes and images that are usually included in horror flicks like the stereotypical scenarios and terrifying monstrous villains. I felt this was a too over done, and began thinking about Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard and how they must have felt while they began writing Cabin in the Woods.They both probably were sick and tired of seeing revamps of the same scary movie over and over again. I know I was. Whedon and Goddard were able to write a genuinely new movie and truly make it they're own sick creation. I thought about all of the great people before Whedon and Goddard who had done the same. The people who had been tired of the redundancy of old regurgitated cinemas and who had truly wanted to shock and terrify audiences. I sat, reminiscing on all of my favorite horror cult classics and the great screenwriters and directors who gave these movies life. I pondered what drove these individuals to produce the grotesque creations that they did, what talent, creativity and brilliance they must behold. I feel that these poets of death have artfully kept us entertained for not only a few hours of our day, but for a lifetime. I wrote my poem in honor of all of the geniuses who were crazy enough to say, "No, that death simply will not do. It needs more blood." Enjoy.

    Ode to the Masters of Horror: A Haiku

    So few ways to die
    Acclaimed mad men don’t know this
    Please, bend and break us.

  • Lee says:

    Lonely wood cabin
    Monsters lay beneath the earth
    Fuming Unicorn

  • Michael says:

    they sought a virgin.
    she was hot and in twenties.
    dot. dot. dot. yeah right.

  • Ted says:

    Look in the mirror
    Check out the basement fusebox
    You're as good as dead

  • Nathan says:

    We thumbs-down the films
    That don't conform to our tropes.
    We are the Old Ones.

  • Maxwell H says:

    the moose wolf's white teeth
    judged our transgressions, oh no
    zombie arm save me

  • Colleen says:

    A merman? For real?!
    ...It's just a Ghoulie with fins.
    How disappointing.

  • Andrew says:

    Premiere two years late/ Helmsworth takes girl on bad date/ God they did not sate

  • Alexander says:

    Appease the old gods,
    Slaughter the young hedonists,
    Don’t forget the tits

  • Dan Kahan says:

    On the prowl for love
    Faceless ballerina girl
    Danced into my heart

  • Kim Hynes says:

    A bong's for fighting,
    World's end by death avoided.
    Don't bogart that joint.

  • maureen colley says:

    Usual Suspects.
    Surprise. Not. Splatter. Repeat.
    They all die, maybe.

  • If blood does not flow
    Bad things will happen for us
    Oh crap, no spoilers

  • Mallory says:

    weekend getaways
    your friends are much too sexy
    to not die bloody

  • Robert Elsea says:

    What's most frightening?
    Monsters? Murderers? Or your

  • David S says:

    The bong? I must write.
    Well, one puff first, then Haiku!
    What was I doing


    Woah, dude it's the bong.
    We should totally write that.
    Damn, not Canada!

  • David S says:

    A contest to win
    But green, it beckons to me:
    "Smoke now, haiku later."

  • Christian Kirby says:

    Horror, cannot smoke.
    Criminal charges pending.
    But I must have bong.

  • Amalia Rubio says:

    kids at the cabin
    mary jane gave protection
    merman gets revenge

  • Brendan McNelis says:

    They must choose their fate,
    While all of humanity...
    Holds their breath and waits.

  • Brite says:

    yearly sacrifice
    jock, whore, nerd, fool and virgin?
    "work with what you got"

  • Gary Baxter says:

    Frozen in horror
    Relentless blood lust creep comes
    You can't turn your head

  • Lesley Keogh says:

    Warriors drank from skulls
    as do I, but also eat
    juicy grey white brains

    cold white light shines down
    walk starts on toes then change comes
    clawed paws stretch and run

  • water pipe says:

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    marijuana to the discovery of the New World. Be sure to extinguish your bong mix completely when you
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