Quickly, Let's Name 50 Films That Can Never Be Remade and Save Their Souls

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The dust has settled and it looks like they're really going to remake Logan's Run. With Ryan Gosling. Yep. You might remember that I mocked the original Logan's Run the other day. I was positive we didn't need to revisit it, actually! And yet, Logan Run's bastardization is a minor loss compared to what could be. The occasion calls for a rally: Let's name 50 movies that can't be remade for the following reasons: 1) They're perfect the way they are and belong in a time capsule; 2) they will seem grotesque in a 2011 update. Please add your own. Together, we can save some lives.

I've only chosen movies that I think are susceptible. The world knows you can't remake Gone With the Wind, right? Right. I won't list it. Add your own suggestions at the bottom. Feel free to print these out and cross them off as Hollywood finds their preserved corpses and eats them for a between-meals snack.

1. Grease

2. Working Girl

3. Young Frankenstein

4. National Lampoon's Vacation

5. Hoosiers

6. Ghostbusters

7. Thelma and Louise

8. Strangers on a Train

9. Vertigo

10. Notorious

11. The Lady Eve (I've decided this doesn't count.)

12. Some Like It Hot

13. The Goonies

14. Saturday Night Fever

15. Aladdin

16. The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

17. Clueless

18. Scream (It's about the only horror movie that hasn't been remade yet. You may make your Candyman argument elsewhere.)

19. Victor/Victoria

20. The King of Comedy

21. The Rocky Horror Picture Show (Ryan Murphy, hear this.)

22. Dirty Dancing

23. Tootsie

24. Witness for the Prosecution (I've decided this doesn't count.)

25. Airplane!

26. Desperately Seeking Susan

27. Cool Hand Luke

28. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

29. Heathers (We can stop this.)

30. Weird Science

31. Rudy

32. High Noon (Haha. This.)

33. Network

34. They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

35. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

36. A League of Their Own

37. Top Gun

38. Paper Moon

39. Ordinary People

40. Animal House

41. Terms of Endearment

42. Clue (That Gore Verbinski version seems like it won't be based on the original.)

43. The Breakfast Club

44. Ferris Bueller's Day Off

45. Stand By Me

46. Rosemary's Baby (Sit down, Michael Bay.)

47. Chinatown

48. Laura

49. Bullets Over Broadway

50. Mrs. Doubtfire

51. What the hell. Gone with the Wind.



Comments

  • Brian Clark says:

    I'm totally with you on Dune.

  • Brian Clark says:

    Breathless....oh wait.
    The Wild Bunch?
    Dammit.
    Hmmm. I'd really prefer if they did not remake Abel Ferrara's remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers

  • Martini Shark says:

    Do not even consider "Raising Arizona". If that gets touched somebody is going to hurt.

  • Once, before they were so overexposed, I thought Betty White and James Franco could be extraordinary in a Harold and Maude remake. Oh well!
    I would personally hunt down and kill anyone who dared remake Sweet Smell of Success.

  • hunterseeker says:

    Silent Running.

  • Sarah says:

    Good call on The Goonies. If it gets remade, I'm burning down Hollywood-and walking away from it in slow motion, emotionless, while a guitar wails.

  • Sally says:

    I am shocked that you would think, even for a minute, that Gone With the Wind is untouchable. This is a shameless and moronic world we live in, my friend. There is no idea that is so idiotic that it can't be beyond the pale.

  • Chelsea says:

    Cool Runnings, Sanka was too perfect haha.

  • Adam Lewis says:

    THey did remake Working Girl with Jessica Simpson and called it BLONDE AMBITION

  • iareBRENDEN says:

    You'd think Back to the Future would have made it though, especially in place of a movie like Scream. That movie definitely does not belong there, it's pretty recent and they're still making sequels for it. You could have used a better example there.

  • quincy says:

    How about NO REMAKES huh? Enough recycling storylines.

  • Hawthorn says:

    The Princess Bride - a remake would be inconceivable!!

  • Strawberry Pain says:

    So glad you said this. Because as I was reading the list, I kept thinking "The Philadelphia Story," and then had to remind myself of High Society, which was godawful, to me.
    Also, in that vein, can we say that the Steve Martin Pink Panthers are not really remakes of Peter Sellers'/Blake Edwards' Pink Panthers? Or, alternatively, can you make Steve Martin's versions disappear?
    Oh, forget it. I'm going to say it anyway: Nobody should remake any version of Peter Sellers' Inspector Clouseau movies. There.

  • J.D. says:

    The Caine Mutiny...Bonnie and Clyde...Stripes...

  • blizzard bound says:

    I totally agree re Sweet Smell of Success. Perfection!

  • The Cantankerist says:

    You know what? GWTW is *totally* remakeable. Seriously. Its reputation is wholly overinflated; what it is more than anything else is melodramatic spectacle. Given the right cast, I don't see why that wouldn't translate to a pretty decent remake - on the understanding that Baz Luhrmann isn't allowed anywhere near the project. Or Michael Bay.
    (That's "Michael Bay shouldn't be allowed anywhere near the project", not "Baz Luhrmann shouldn't be allowed anywhere near Michael Bay". ... although that too.)
    Good call on The Princess Bride, though. I will fight any fool who attempts it... to the pain.

  • Ali says:

    The Great Escape

  • Billy Clark says:

    STAR WARS is the number one movie that should never ever be remade. no one could ever replace harrison ford as han solo or james earl jones as the voice of darth vader.
    Harry potter shouldnt ever be remade either

  • TomR says:

    2001: A Space Odyssey
    The Blues Brothers
    It's A Wonderful Life
    Citizen Kane
    The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai
    Smokey & the Bandit
    Feed this beast on Twitter, hashtag #FilmsThatCanNeverBeRemade

  • merciscool says:

    they basically already remade a bastardized version of Logan's Run anyway. Just watch The Island with Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson... Pretty hard not to notice all the similarities there.

  • Screen Gem says:

    Already Done: Grease II, Ghostbusters 2, Lampoon Vacation Europe & Xmas, Scream 2,3,4,5...., Airplane 2, Ninja Turtles 2 &3, etc. These already bastardized their originals.

  • Bryan says:

    I cant believe no one has mentioned the Wizard of Oz. If Hollywood touches that movie, I'm done. Just straight up done with it all. Im getting fed up with recycled storylines glossed over with CGI. Bring back the storytelling in movies, for God's sake.

  • Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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