Quickly, Let's Name 50 Films That Can Never Be Remade and Save Their Souls

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The dust has settled and it looks like they're really going to remake Logan's Run. With Ryan Gosling. Yep. You might remember that I mocked the original Logan's Run the other day. I was positive we didn't need to revisit it, actually! And yet, Logan Run's bastardization is a minor loss compared to what could be. The occasion calls for a rally: Let's name 50 movies that can't be remade for the following reasons: 1) They're perfect the way they are and belong in a time capsule; 2) they will seem grotesque in a 2011 update. Please add your own. Together, we can save some lives.

I've only chosen movies that I think are susceptible. The world knows you can't remake Gone With the Wind, right? Right. I won't list it. Add your own suggestions at the bottom. Feel free to print these out and cross them off as Hollywood finds their preserved corpses and eats them for a between-meals snack.

1. Grease

2. Working Girl

3. Young Frankenstein

4. National Lampoon's Vacation

5. Hoosiers

6. Ghostbusters

7. Thelma and Louise

8. Strangers on a Train

9. Vertigo

10. Notorious

11. The Lady Eve (I've decided this doesn't count.)

12. Some Like It Hot

13. The Goonies

14. Saturday Night Fever

15. Aladdin

16. The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

17. Clueless

18. Scream (It's about the only horror movie that hasn't been remade yet. You may make your Candyman argument elsewhere.)

19. Victor/Victoria

20. The King of Comedy

21. The Rocky Horror Picture Show (Ryan Murphy, hear this.)

22. Dirty Dancing

23. Tootsie

24. Witness for the Prosecution (I've decided this doesn't count.)

25. Airplane!

26. Desperately Seeking Susan

27. Cool Hand Luke

28. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

29. Heathers (We can stop this.)

30. Weird Science

31. Rudy

32. High Noon (Haha. This.)

33. Network

34. They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

35. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

36. A League of Their Own

37. Top Gun

38. Paper Moon

39. Ordinary People

40. Animal House

41. Terms of Endearment

42. Clue (That Gore Verbinski version seems like it won't be based on the original.)

43. The Breakfast Club

44. Ferris Bueller's Day Off

45. Stand By Me

46. Rosemary's Baby (Sit down, Michael Bay.)

47. Chinatown

48. Laura

49. Bullets Over Broadway

50. Mrs. Doubtfire

51. What the hell. Gone with the Wind.



Comments

  • mike says:

    I was okay with the first 25, and then the vehicle I was traveling in exploded like it was hit by a Phoenix missile.
    26. Desperately Seeking Susan ???!?!? WTF????//!!!!!111

  • mike says:

    Might have to agree. Kubrick's entire body of work is arguably off-limits to anyone (except possibly Tim Burton).

  • Marcus says:

    Just add everything ever made to the list, 9 times out of ten a remake is a total miss. I almost never watch them anymore. I want to send Hollywood a message, I will only support true creativity and inspiration. Not rip off artists riding on the coat tales of real artists.

  • blizzard bound says:

    Um, what about The Wiz?

  • bob says:

    West Side Story is untouchable!

  • jackie f says:

    already done-- the Wiz with Michael Jackson and Diana Ross...ugh!

  • Flap says:

    Shawshank Redemption
    All About Eve
    Pretty In Pink (any John Hughes)
    Godfather movies
    One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest
    Fargo
    Field of Dreams
    Patton
    Platoon
    Die Hard
    Trading Places
    Goodfellas
    Inception
    I could go on....

  • docconners says:

    now that lumet has passed, i'm terrified that someone might remake 12 angry men. that would be a travesty

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