Quickly, Let's Name 50 Films That Can Never Be Remade and Save Their Souls
The dust has settled and it looks like they're really going to remake Logan's Run. With Ryan Gosling. Yep. You might remember that I mocked the original Logan's Run the other day. I was positive we didn't need to revisit it, actually! And yet, Logan Run's bastardization is a minor loss compared to what could be. The occasion calls for a rally: Let's name 50 movies that can't be remade for the following reasons: 1) They're perfect the way they are and belong in a time capsule; 2) they will seem grotesque in a 2011 update. Please add your own. Together, we can save some lives.
I've only chosen movies that I think are susceptible. The world knows you can't remake Gone With the Wind, right? Right. I won't list it. Add your own suggestions at the bottom. Feel free to print these out and cross them off as Hollywood finds their preserved corpses and eats them for a between-meals snack.
1. Grease
2. Working Girl
3. Young Frankenstein
4. National Lampoon's Vacation
5. Hoosiers
6. Ghostbusters
7. Thelma and Louise
8. Strangers on a Train
9. Vertigo
10. Notorious
11. The Lady Eve (I've decided this doesn't count.)
12. Some Like It Hot
13. The Goonies
14. Saturday Night Fever
15. Aladdin
16. The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
17. Clueless
18. Scream (It's about the only horror movie that hasn't been remade yet. You may make your Candyman argument elsewhere.)
19. Victor/Victoria
20. The King of Comedy
21. The Rocky Horror Picture Show (Ryan Murphy, hear this.)
22. Dirty Dancing
23. Tootsie
24. Witness for the Prosecution (I've decided this doesn't count.)
25. Airplane!
26. Desperately Seeking Susan
27. Cool Hand Luke
28. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
29. Heathers (We can stop this.)
30. Weird Science
31. Rudy
32. High Noon (Haha. This.)
33. Network
34. They Shoot Horses, Don't They?
35. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
36. A League of Their Own
37. Top Gun
38. Paper Moon
39. Ordinary People
40. Animal House
41. Terms of Endearment
42. Clue (That Gore Verbinski version seems like it won't be based on the original.)
43. The Breakfast Club
44. Ferris Bueller's Day Off
45. Stand By Me
46. Rosemary's Baby (Sit down, Michael Bay.)
47. Chinatown
48. Laura
49. Bullets Over Broadway
50. Mrs. Doubtfire
51. What the hell. Gone with the Wind.
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Comments
I was thinking #30 as I scrolled down. Great minds my friend!
Silence of the Lambs, One Flew Over The Cukoos Nest
hmm... you've got some hitchcock and scorsese in there, and yet no mention of the entire Kubrick canon?
i'm sure anyone would agree that remaking kubrick would be unthinkable to the highest degree...
(unless maybe alfonso cuaron did it...hmm...)
None of Stanley Kubrick's movies can be remade, especially A Clockwork Orange and Dr. Strangelove
_Showgirls_
#16, The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert has already been remade as To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything, Julie Newmar, remember?
I mean, yes, but there's a legend to Priscilla that supersedes that "reworking."
I thought of including A Clockwork Orange, but I think Kubrick's the most untouchable director of the past 50 years. Didn't include any Tarantino for the same reason.
I disagree with Strangers on a Train. Classic? Yes. But it could be remade. Most Hitchcock, like Rebecca, absolutely not.
You mentioned Bullets Over Broadway, but the reality is, no Woody Allen movie can be remade, ever. It wouldn't just be insulting; it would be impossible.
High Noon was already remade with Tom Skerritt, years ago. And TMNT? Seriously? Remake that every ten years; keep it alive with the kids.
More movies that cannot be remade: anything by Wes Anderson (Bottle Rocket, Rushmore, Royal Tenenbaums, Life Aquatic, Darjeeling Limited, Fantastic Mr. Fox). Like Woody Allen, both sacrilegious and impossible to remake.
Same goes for most Coen Bros. flicks. Also true of Sean Penn's directorial outings: The Indian Runner; The Cross Guard; The Pledge; Into the Wild.
Can't remake Von Trier flicks, not a single one (except for The Boss of It All, but why bother?).
DON'T REMAKE: Joe vs. the Volcano. !!!!!
Your list is lame. Grease? Mrs. Doubtfire? They weren't worth making the first time. The only ones that are inviolate are Chinatown, Some Like it Hot, Network, and Rosemary's Baby. You left off The Godfathers, Lawrence of Arabia, Singing in the Rain, The Graduate, Bonnie and Clyde, Manhattan, and Schindler's List among others.
Right, Troofire, because someone's going to remake Schindler's List. Please read the article.
Harold and Maude
Diva
Shampoo
The Sting
Sullivan's Travels
Ninotchka
The Pawnbroker
It Should Happen to You
To Be or Not to Be
The Sweet Smell of Success
In the Heat of the Night
generally, I think once is enough, if it is a great movie.
"Strangers on a Train" was remade as "Throw Mamma From the Train".
My vote> "Citizen Kane"
But that's like saying High Society is a remake of The Philadelphia Story -- the tone and point are totally different, even if the stories match.
Also, if anyone remakes Citizen Kane, Movieline will just shut down and turn into a Chili's.
I applaud the inclusion of Notorious, but they did remake it. It was called Mission: Impossible II.
I'd like to nominate Witness.
The Thin Man - please God, don't let Depp remake it.
Back to the Future
Here is a bit of advice for all film geeks who cry rivers of tears at the thought of their "classics" being remade. Don't watch the remakes.
You guys left "Star Wars" off this list! I know that no one in his (or her) right mind would even attempt to do that! "Mrs. Doubtfire" IS a remake of sorts itself (see "Tootsie"). Plus, you forgot "Dirty Harry", even though that film is screaming for a remake/update.
No 'Back to the Future'? Wow.
Seconding "The Thin Man". Especially with Penelope Cruz as Nora. Travesty. Also, they can never touch "North by Northwest." I'd say lay off anything Cary Grant ever did, but that may be going too far.
i think ALL of David Lynch's work--even Dune(!) should be left alone. I know they've redone Dune as a mini-series but you just can't deny the 'so bad it's awesome factor'. I realize I may be alone in thinking this but I stand firm! 🙂
So, looks like everyone's fine with a Casablanca remake? Good? Good. I've got Clooney's agent on line 2, I was just checking.
Cas. A. Blan. Ca.
I refuse to acknowledge the David Soul version. I think TV series like that have an asterisk* next to their titles and only count in that Start Trek alternate universe where Spock has a beard. Same thing with musical adaptations (ahem - "Clueless"...)
How about "The Third Man?" And any other Mel Brooks movie. Including "The Producers." D'OH! Too late...
BTW, Louis, you truly rock. This was brilliant.
I can't believe there are over 50 movies on Earth either.
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