Dancing with the Stars Bruno Tonioli Heart-Attack Meter: Movie Week

Jake Pavelka

Movie Theme: Risky Business ("Old Time Rock 'N Roll")

Dance: Cha-cha-cha

Official Score: 23

Tonioli Heart-Attack Meter: 8

Comments: "Jake. La mia breve corneo uomo. (My horny short man.) You cheeky, pulsating, Bruno-approved eel. You took those old records off the shelf and played them on your freakish ass. I saw it with my own eyes. You are a hot-to-trot young postal-worker-looking man who will make it far in the choreography of mindgames with Bruno. My heart just made a break for it through my ankles! Quick, Bergeron! Make the dive and intercept! First and ten, everyone. YAH-HOW-HOW! MEOW, DADDY! Sleep now, daddy."

Pamela Anderson

Movie Theme: Nine to Five ("9 to 5")

Dance: Quickstep

Official Score: 21

Tonioli Heart-Attack Meter: 6

Comments: "Yes, yes, Dolly Parton -- your godmother in zoom-boom chest mountains. I liiiiikeeeeehhhhh. You always have such good form! But ah! I could not see it very well under your distracting dress. Where is the Stripperella that I stipulated in the contract? NAKEY-WAKEY, MOTLEY MOM. BRING BRUNO THE SIX-SHOOTING UNDERBREASTS. Or as I call them: a meal. Happy Thanksgiving, Bruno. And a woof-woof and a yah-cha-cha to you, madam. Well done."

Kate Gosselin

Movie Theme: The Breakfast Club ("Don't You Forget About Me")

Dance: Foxtrot

Official Score: 15

Tonioli Heart-Attack Meter: 2

Comments: "Kate Minus Oxygen Plus A Ban on Genital Fun. You hear me, chipmunk? You were catatonic. Just walking around. It was like you lost another child in the propeller of a big fan and were casually searching for an arm. You need more grace, m'dear. And A COYOTE IN THE GROIN. I know you have one. You do! Don't be shy! I put one there in case. AHEHAHA. So it's there. Ah-oo."

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