How to Make Law & Order: Los Angeles Relevant: A TVLine IM Discussion

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Only a couple weeks after S. Epatha Merkerson announced her departure from the pretty-much-deflated Law & Order, producer Dick Wolf appears to have a new L&O iteration for us. According to Deadline, NBC has picked up Law and Order: Los Angeles (aka LOLA) for a 13-episode order this fall. After a generation of arrest and prosecution, can we really handle another version of L&O, let alone one without the oaken timbre of Sam Waterston's voice? TVLine's instant-messaging monarchs are raring to prove we can -- in just a few steps:

Louis: Can we figure out how to make Law and Order: Los Angeles relevant? Help me, Julie!

Julie: This is lame -- but you must have Aimee Mann insult the rapper-turned-actor cast as the show's street-smart detective. I vote for Masta P. Master P? Master.

Louis: Master P's qualified. As for the Mariska/Angie Harmon part: Hmmmm. She needs to be a blast from the past who is the polar opposite of Master P. I want doe eyes.

Julie I see.

Louis: I am pleased to announce that Danica McKellar is available.

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Julie: Yes on Danica. Master P's casting would also mean there could be an amazing guest-star stint by Romeo in the first season. I want to go ahead and cast Romeo as a foster child who allegedly molested and killed one of his foster sisters.

Louis: This is all so right and easy. Special Child Rappers Unit. But I'm worried about the format itself -- How are we going to improve upon or make interesting the cops-to-lawyers formula? Can we add another stage? Maybe there's a section in between where Danica goes over the entire case in a bedroom mirror monologue? And in the season closer... she PUNCHES the mirror. (Difficult case concerning her first gymnastics coach.)

Julie: Would that happen every episode?

Louis: Yes.

Julie: I'm taking every part of this conversation seriously. But the only way this show could be a step-up from the other Law & Orders on television right now is if they brought back Vincent D'Onofrio. I'm sorry, but that is literally the. only. option.

Louis: I like the idea of a veteran jumping aboard with a Richard Belzer-esque crossover.

Julie: "When Detective Robert Goren is transferred to the LA Unit..." Anyway, anyway.

Louis: Yes, that's it! I also think LA needs to have a certain pull on the proceedings. I have an idea: What if the cops auditioned for TV cameos during their off-time? "There's been a murder -- and I'm playing a disapproving bartender in Accidentally on Purpose."

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Comments

  • Goren's LA Manager says:

    A gem amongst gems. I KNEW there was a reason Goren rolled over so easily. But why not bring Eames along too? All she'd need is some Neutrogena SPF 60 and we've got TV GOLD, baby!

  • The Winchester says:

    I can't wait until the ripped-from-the-headlines Lindsey Lohan episode, or as I casually refer to as LO:LA:LiLo

  • Julie Miller says:

    I love whoever came up with the user name Goren's LA Manager.

  • Louis Virtel says:

    That totally reminds me of my yearbook-signing days and "LYLAS" (Love You Like a Sister). L&O:LA:LYLAS-LiLo is going to be one emotional intervention series.

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