9 Hyped Film Projects That Are Never. Gonna. Happen.

I chuckled earlier when I read about the flickering flame of hope kept alive by Veronica Mars creator Rob Thomas, who insists that the property could be resurrected as a feature film on a semi-regular basis. He's not the only one who regularly flogs a filmic pipe dream, though. Here are 9 projects in perpetual development that film bloggers love to write about, but will probably never get a greenlight:

· The Veronica Mars movie

· The Gilmore Girls movie

We adore EW's Michael Ausiello and his love for Veronica Mars and Gilmore Girls knows no bounds, but no matter how much he carries water for big-screen versions of both, they ain't gonna happen. The former was snuffed out due to low ratings, then got no farther than a Rob Thomas pitch in the feature world. It's not likely to be resurrected now, out of nowhere, no matter how many romcoms Kristen Bell makes. As for Gilmore, the principal players are all busy, and the TV movie continuation that would be the show's most logical progression is a format that's run out of steam. The closest this property will ever get to the big screen is when Emma Roberts plays Lorelai Gilmore in 2025's Gilmore Girls 3-D.

· Steven Spielberg's Lincoln

Much to the chagrin of Jeff Wells, Steven Spielberg has been intending to make an Abraham Lincoln biopic for the last decade, all to no avail. Some of the best screenwriters in Hollywood have taken cracks at the material, from John Logan to Tony Kushner, and Spielberg's reticence to commit suggests the story is less "passion project" than "something he has no take on." At this point, star Liam Neeson is officially older than Lincoln was at the time of his assassination. If Spielberg really wanted to make Lincoln, he would have done it by now.

· True Lies 2

Sometimes, Tom Arnold is interviewed by a major outlet, and he's asked, "So, what are you working on next?" He knows better than to say, "Well I just did a web short, and I think I might be appearing at a veterinary fundraiser in Jersey next week opposite Jon Gosselin and Tila Tequila." Instead, Arnold reliably claims that True Lies 2 is on the docket, despite the fact that director James Cameron appears to be planning two sequels to Avatar, which could easily take up the better part of a decade. Don't stop believin', Tom.

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  • The Winchester says:

    I refuse to believe Arrested Development won't be made.
    To prove my devotion, I won't take off my denim cutoffs until the release date.

  • Tom Arnold says:

    Mr funny blogger. I remember when your magazine was a magazine and yes, I've punked you and many others about a follow up to True Lies. I specifically said it won't be called True Lies 2 (Jim's request and show me where Jim has said we won't work together again..read the Comic Com transcripts, MTV.com caught him saying he was trying to figure out story) but he and Arnold and I will work together. We are real friends. No one tells Jim what to do (even me) but I'd guess he'd like to do a nice character piece before jumping back into the sequel game (he's canoeing through the Brazinian rain forrest or some crazy shit right now (which apparently has Blackberry service and "has an idea" I pray that's not his revenge on all the trouble I've caused my friend...locating Arnold and me down there for a year..but we'd do it).
    We've all been talking about another movie for 16 years (mostly me..on major Natl Talk Shows, which dont teld to repeat book complete losers as you described me:)...even bigger that the Jon Gosslin's of the world and I've actually done 70 other films (8 good one's since) so for a guy that worked at Hormel when he was your age or atleast the age you snidly write..it's all gravey. Doing Pete Berg's Battleship in Australia in August, got my kids camp and a couple indies for Sundance plus the standup and comedy special, 2 TV pilots sold this year (you should give film and TV a shot...man up, bitch)
    Although, if the money's write and I'm not helping a close friend launch an internet show, I'd do the Gosslin thing and if you get the money in advance, I'll give you the commission so you can move out of mom's basement. (SNARKY!) L,Tom

  • Chas says:

    Ha ha ha! That was awesome, Tom! "Man up, bitch." I'm rollin'!