9 Hyped Film Projects That Are Never. Gonna. Happen.

· Martin Scorsese's Sinatra movie

Since it was announced that Martin Scorsese might tackle a Frank Sinatra biopic, pundits have been so caught up in fantasy-casting the Rat Pack that they failed to notice the wind that's gone out of the project's sails. "It's very hard because here is a man who changed the entire image of the Italian-American," a defeated-sounding Scorsese said last month. "And that's just one thing. Along with his political work, civil rights, the Mob...we can't go through the greatest hits of Sinatra's life. We tried this already. Just can't do it." Complicating matters further is that if Scorsese really wants to tackle Sinatra's mob ties, he'll have to through daughter Tina Sinatra first.

· Unbreakable 2

M. Night Shyamalan's 2000 film Unbreakable was optimistically conceived as the first of a trilogy, then it failed to break $100 million domestic. Nevertheless, he's often asked whether he might make the other two films. That deeply unlikely possibility is complicated by countless factors: Shyamalan's rift with Disney, the studio's flat desire to nip the trilogy in the bud, and a new trilogy that Shyamalan hopes to get underway with The Last Airbender. Unbreakable 2 has already been knee-capped, kids.

· The Brazilian Job

· The Topkapi Affair

The recent remakes of The Italian Job and The Thomas Crown Affair were tidy little heist films that experienced enough sleeper success to spawn sequel talks. Since then, though, there's been no movement. When I talked to F. Gary Gray about an Italian sequel last month, he sounded ambivalent and more interested in other things. When I talked to Pierce Brosnan about a Thomas Crown follow-up two weeks ago, I thought he would fall asleep in mid-reply. It may be time to put these two to bed.

· The Arrested Development movie

When I told my colleague Stu that I would be writing this post, he suggested that I include the long-awaited Arrested Development movie in the list. Oh, how it stung! And yet, I can't say that he's wrong, as creator/writer/director Mitchell Hurwitz almost seems to be taking on additional projects specifically so he won't have any time to finish an Arrested script. When his animated sitcom Sit Down Shut Up was canceled, it seemed like the perfect time to finish the screenplay and make the spring due date that the cast was murmuring about. Instead, Hurwitz began work on the sure-to-go-to-series Fox pilot Will Arnett sitcom Wilde Kingdom. It may be easier to assume this film will never happen. At the very least, it will be less painful if we begin it now.

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Comments

  • The Winchester says:

    I refuse to believe Arrested Development won't be made.
    To prove my devotion, I won't take off my denim cutoffs until the release date.

  • Tom Arnold says:

    Mr funny blogger. I remember when your magazine was a magazine and yes, I've punked you and many others about a follow up to True Lies. I specifically said it won't be called True Lies 2 (Jim's request and show me where Jim has said we won't work together again..read the Comic Com transcripts, MTV.com caught him saying he was trying to figure out story) but he and Arnold and I will work together. We are real friends. No one tells Jim what to do (even me) but I'd guess he'd like to do a nice character piece before jumping back into the sequel game (he's canoeing through the Brazinian rain forrest or some crazy shit right now (which apparently has Blackberry service and "has an idea" I pray that's not his revenge on all the trouble I've caused my friend...locating Arnold and me down there for a year..but we'd do it).
    We've all been talking about another movie for 16 years (mostly me..on major Natl Talk Shows, which dont teld to repeat book complete losers as you described me:)...even bigger that the Jon Gosslin's of the world and I've actually done 70 other films (8 good one's since) so for a guy that worked at Hormel when he was your age or atleast the age you snidly write..it's all gravey. Doing Pete Berg's Battleship in Australia in August, got my kids camp and a couple indies for Sundance plus the standup and comedy special, 2 TV pilots sold this year (you should give film and TV a shot...man up, bitch)
    Although, if the money's write and I'm not helping a close friend launch an internet show, I'd do the Gosslin thing and if you get the money in advance, I'll give you the commission so you can move out of mom's basement. (SNARKY!) L,Tom

  • Chas says:

    Ha ha ha! That was awesome, Tom! "Man up, bitch." I'm rollin'!