Project Runway Recap: Too Legit, Must Quit
Behold: 60 minutes of Runway tumult! Tectonic plates are jutting out of the workroom! Did you survive? Did you caterwaul for mercy, hide in a doorway or wait for Michael Kors to explain everything with a hooker metaphor? Or, like me, did you think this mania was all a little weird? Quickly -- let's make super-sense of this sub-suspense.
First things first: I hate the openings lately. The combatants pine blankly for fallen castmates and utter the phrase "He/She was a good designer" like someone was mangled in a pleating snafu. Come on. Mila's sendoffs smack of sad-sack narrations from Our Town, and no one wants to hear her bitching about who should go to Grovers Corners fashion week.
But this week is different. Anthony's elimination stings like a scorpion-infested sleeping bag, and I want someone to explain it to me. It hurts. While we await the Kennedy Center Honors for Anthony's full tribute, Seth Aaron sums up his tenure nicely.
"A lot of jacked-up bullsh*t will be gone," he hoots, imitating that southern sassy-molassey homosexuality. "That means a lot of fun [is gone.]"
Aw. Time for Mila to ruin that sentiment with her delusions.
"The judges were extremely hard on everyone," she claims. Good guess! You're close! They eviscerated your misshapen tarp with the quasi-ethnic striping because it was un-fabulous, heavy, and like a scorpion-infested sleeping bag. Similes: I Can't Think of That Many! On to this week's prompt.
Heidi storms the runway and gets eyebrowy.
"Hello," she says, chirping forth a good-cop salutation. "This week, designers, you'll be designing for a very demanding client. A celebrity. A supermodel. A Gemini. A blonde pregnant woman. A person who is standing in front of you. A woman who is Heidi Klum. A registered sex offender. Tim will explain in the workroom. Baiii."
Seth Aaron is just baffled and hopes he'll meet Bruce Willis today. The other designers join him at the workstations while Tim appears and readies a big reveal.
"Do you want to meet your celebrity, designers?" he murmurs. "Here she is!"
Heidi emerges from the back while the designers deploy golf claps and Tim sings "Kiss From a Rose." The applause dies down and Heidi takes a breath before scat-singing orders.
"You're designing a runway look for me -- which means no terribleness, Jonathan. Maya, try to amp up your design beyond a silence. Everyone else, design me something that will look good on my non-pregnant body, which I will have in the first ten minutes after dropping this kid."