5 Seasons of Hills Cast Members (and the Useless Men in Their Lives)

This morning, Movieline regretfully reported that after The Hills' upcoming sixth season, the MTV standby will join a pantheon of television shows canceled long before their time like Sports Night, Arrested Development and Guiding Light. But instead of thinking about the fauxality-free nights in our future, Movieline pays homage to The Hills cast members who have given us some of the best nights of carefully-staged MTV drama of our lives and the sleazy men who have earned each of our heroines' digitally inserted tears.

After the jump, Movieline time travels back to 2006, when a pre-op Heidi used something called "free will" to navigate a Spencer-less Hills and Lauren taught impressionable teenage girls that it's alright to sacrifice your career for boys with drunk-driving records.

Season 1: Sacrificing Yourself For Boys and Fame

HillsSeason5Cast.jpg

Ahhhh, the first season of The Hills. Lauren had finally extricated herself from her Laguna Beach womb and was on the road to independence for about two seconds before hitching her cart to the first sleazy dude to cross her path, Jason Wahler, who had coincidentally slept with at least three of her acquaintances back home. Pre-op, pre-Spencer Heidi dropped out of college, started a career in event planning and cherished her friendship with Lauren. Audrina mooned over bands at Epic Records and a bleached blond Whitney nabbed the Paris internship that Lauren passed up on, cementing her reputation as the "most career-focused" Hills personality.

Useless Boyfriend of the Season: Jason Wahler, who followed LC to Los Angeles only to cheat on her and then miraculously convince her to forfeit a once-in-a-lifetime internship at Teen Vogue so that she could spend the summer wondering if he had returned to his cheating ways.

Token Deadweight Boyfriend: Wahler faced his sixth alcohol-related arrested last week and admitted to People, "I'm embarrassed as hell, but I really do not remember my arrests. They're blackouts. And that's scary."

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