Project Runway Recap: If I Bought a Hammer

After the designers return to the workroom and Jonathan unveils his copper supplies with a slammin' periodic table reference, Tim arrives to investigate the goings-on. He knows everyone on his side (and our side) of the TV is getting catatonic without him.

"It looks like arms and armor wing of the Met in here!" he says, for real. "For those who didn't understand that, the Met is like a really big Blockbuster. Mila! Lovely to see you! This accessory with text on it is exciting. I just wish... you were exciting. Or not a pox on the world's last chance at joy. You know? Jesse! Talk to me. An Elizabethan mini? It's looking like a school project. For a school play. An elementary school play. An elementary school play about barnyard animals. About slop. Nice try hand-seaming it. Emilio! What are you doing? Is this a macrame flapper? What is this? Have you even enough hardware? Yeah, ha ha. I bet that is what he said, actually. If your look keeps progressing at this rate, you may end up with a bikini. I guess your innovation can be a bottomless dress."

When Tim gets to Anthony, he says, "This looks tortured." But it sounds like he says, "This looks like Richard." I was hoping he'd bawl and lament Richard for awhile, but no dice. OK. Back to Tim.

"Jay! You bought garbage bags? I have to tell you, the pants look spectacular. We've had plenty of garbage bags on this show before. I mean, did you meet Ping? A garbage bag of a person. Girl had problems. Maya! The camera is on you right now. You must be full of new feelings. And the necklace you've made is stunning! You should make a dress too. In fact, I think Project Runway is about that. Keep going."

Ready for the rumble? Onto the runway, where we lay eyes on one of the finest garments of the season -- and two guest-judges I couldn't be bothered to remember.

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