Project Runway Recap: If I Bought a Hammer

In no particular order, here are the night's best and worst hammered-and-nailed (sincerely!) looks.

Maya, who has been given camera time this episode, turns in a generic silver mini-dress with an extraordinary mesh jacket. Her "accessory," a necklace constructed with keys and other metallic detritus, is fantastic. It's too bad her role on the show is still Muter Mila.

Anthony constructed a lilac-colored gown with a sharp metallic belt. He wasn't reinventing the wheel, but the look was entirely believable. I can't say the same for Ben, whose tattered copper look escaped the judges' glare.

Jay fashions an unbelievable look, particularly since it's almost entirely garbage bags and straps. The airtight black pants paired with a teal, candy-striped top look so resplendent that Heidi performs a pregnant front-handspring onto the runway. Just perfect. And I'd give the handspring a 9.5.

Mila used her black-and-white emotions as inspiration again, putting together a stunning mini dress using small monochromatic paint trays. The innovation is startling, and the geometric lines all point directly to a second-place finish. I'd sharpen my bangs in frustration too.

Jesse bought copper sheeting and spray-paint, which I thought was actually genius. Unfortunately, instead of buying spray-paint in a color that would set his garment apart, Jesse bought a generic silver. His gown was puffy, wonkily fitted, and -- as Michael Kors addressed it -- "a Hershey's Kiss."

Emilio bought washers and pink string, because he thought he'd make a ghetto dreamcatcher today. After much scrapping and recalibration, Emilio's garment became a bikini -- a washers-and-strings bikini. Heidi called it a mess, and that weird guest-judge kind of liked it. See you never again, new girl! The look was a trash heap, and everyone with a working retina and conscience knew it.

The clear winner is affirmed: Jay owns it! The bottom two designers are just as predictable, meaning Jesse and Emilio are forced to quiver and pout while an intern bangs a gong. And your loser is... get this, Jesse. Oh, the outrage! The inhumanity! The... he-was-not-going-to-win-the-competition-but-whatever! Charles the Combover gave it his all, but ultimately tools did him in. It's like a clever short story in that way. Coming up: I interview Jesse about his surprise elimination, his brush-up with Ping, and his Bryant Park collection. Stay tuned!

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