Movieline Counterpoint: How To Make A Second Season Of Jersey Shore Work


A little while ago, my esteemed Movieline colleague Louis Virtel made the case that MTV's The Jersey Shore should take the opportunity provided by a reported contractual standstill to jettison the cast and replace them with a new lineup, arguing that a fresh Guido infusion is necessary to save the show's second season from repetition, disappointment and mediocrity. And to him I say: Whoa, pump the brakes, bro! (Then I pause, lift my shirt, and with a flourish of my hand across my stomach, warn, "We've got a situation right here," before realizing that the presentation of a pasty, distended belly doesn't do much for the thrust of my argument. Anyway.) Before we rashly abandon the pop-culture megastars MTV has worked so hard to cultivate, let's offer up some ways that we can make Season Two work with the original cast intact. After the jump, some attempts to Save The Shore:

The Fish-Out-Of-Water Solution: The Shore On The Vineyard

The point that a second season of The Shore actually back at The Shore, populated by the same crew of lovable, Corinthian-leather-hued lugs, is well taken; been there, done that, got the "I Went To The Jersey Shore And All I Got Was This Raging Case of Pinkeye And This Crazy-Ass Thing On My Junk That Maybe My Doctor Should Look At?" t-shirt. So in classic fish-out-of-water fashion, we could pluck The Situation, Snooki and the gang out of their boardwalk-dwelling comfort zone and them plop them down on Martha's Vineyard, counting on the inevitable culture-clash between the Gym/Tan/Laundry set and the Brunch/Golf/Sail blue-bloods to produce the electric drama previously generated only by drunk Jersey locals pilfering the wrong Guido's tequila shots. Watch Ronnie cold-cock a summering, third-generation Harvard alumn for slipping Sammi his digits! Gasp as Snooki, having once again "forgotten" to wear panties, flashes her freshly depilated schnickers while doing a cartwheel in a too-short, neon tennis skirt! Pull for the gang as they prepare the yacht they've been tasked with crewing for the summer, The Lazy Angelina, for a big race against of their snooty, sweater-vested tormentors! Buzz-building adventure and clip-friendly conflict await on The Vineyard.

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  • bess marvin, girl detective says:

    Italy or bust.

  • mk says:

    I got it!
    next year -
    -Sammy picks up Morgellen Syndrome off some fuckin' bug at the beach
    -Situation discovers scat play
    -Snookie late term abortion
    -black guido found

  • over it says:

    I have an idea: how about NOT saving this horrible show. These are the stupidest people on the planet, and MTV is making them famous by showcasing their stupidity. Go America. Way to show some class. I hope I never hear another blurb about Jersey Shore or any of these idiots.

  • mintme says:

    What scumbags. Sorry. Call me a snob. The girls on this show look like sluts who need to bathe, and the boys look like they are all sexually confused morons who confuse body art and hideous hair with good taste. They are all what is so embarrassing about America. The worst our country has produced are these low-life morons.

  • Daft Clown says:

    I love the use of bluescreen here in a vain attempt to make those Guidos a bit more classy, though Paulie's Marinara Warehouse is probably a little miffed over the lost publicity.

  • TimGunn says:

    Not just a catchy screenname for you, eh?
    You should also not check out Big Brother, that one has tons of dumbies.