7 Threatened Fanboy Responses to New Moon
A lot of bad movies make money every year, but most film sites didn't complain about it until New Moon arrived on the scene and broke a box office record held by The Dark Knight. Suddenly, writers who had dutifully chronicled every Transformers voice casting and G.I. Joe character poster on their blogs were bemoaning the state of cinema, and though their reactions may not surprise grizzled veterans of the Comic-Con Gender Wars, it's nevertheless amusing to see. Some are livid, some are accusatory, and all are way, way over-the-top. Here are 7 of the most threatened:
1. "I hate Twilight pretty much as passionately as anything I've ever hated before...If you're a lady and you're under 21, good on ya. Enjoy what you built. Your dollars and zeal have led to a tonal shift in the cultural landscape. If you're 35, I hope your holes seal up."
Nick Nunziata, CHUD
2. "I dated a girl like Bella once. Thank god they make medication for girls like that now...Yeah, Bella Swan is textbook; farm raised, corn fed cocktease bemoaning her pathetic lot in life. That women identify with her at all troubles me...If you see this, see it with beer or with promise of sex afterward. Just don't let her lather up your dong in body glitter. You have to draw the line somewhere."
Massawyrm, AICN
3.
Erik Davis, Cinematical
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Comments
thanks for this kyle. transformers 2 was a crime against the masses and yet the vitriol wasn't as high as it is with new moon
Sounds like these boys were a bit more turned on by Taylor Lautner than they are comfortable with.
The idea of critical review of New Moon is so hilarious, but I feel for the (non)fanboys.
I went this past weekend, and as a group of 12-year olds ran past me, I commented that this was probably the most embarrassing things I had ever done. The woman in front of me said, "talk to my poor boyfriend." Love hurts.
I feel like there's a whole thing here, where the guys aren't comfortable with male sexuality, but don't even notice exploitation when they see it. It's just the virile, matinée idol boys who make them feel diminished.
Then there's the girls who won't see Jennifer's Body cause Megan Fox is maybe 'too virile and threatening' (read: trollop), yet Taylor 'Illegal Boner' Lautner is just right.
Too right.
Twilight and New Moon are above average fantasy genre movies. Nothing spectacular, but neither were either of the Transformers movies. Frankly, neither was The Dark Knight, Batman Begins was much better. Fanboys are freaking out because most are misogynists and quite a few are latent homosexuals who are homophobic. I guess the double whammy of Pattinson and Lautner are too much for them to bear.
I had no problem watching New Moon, even though I'm male and straight, because it's a pretty good movie and Ashley Greene is hot. To men worried about seeing New Moon with their spouse/gf, Kristen Stewart, Ashley Greene, and Nikki Reed will give you plenty to look at.
. . .even though I'm male and straight. . .Ashley Greene is hot.
You just gave yourself away, Brian. Was it her adorable headscarf?
This is appalling. I'm glad New Moon broke records nerds didn't want it to break. That will teach them to get a better perspective on how the movies they like didn't have to be that good to break all those records
Blah. Please. The films and the books are an embarrassment to popular culture. It's not the popularity I have a problem with, it's the unrelenting stupidity of the writing of the books and the insipid, over-budgeted, under-directed films.
Can we go back to the days when an over-budgeted film about a sinking ship drew record $$$? Please?
I'm a woman, and I hate Twilight. Most of these comments are sickening, but #4 is dead on exactly how I feel about the entire series.
I think it's American pop culture in general that's embarrassing.
Funny, no it wasn't the headscarf, it's something about a good looking vampire chick who can drive. I liked Kate Beckinsale as Selene, so maybe I have a thing for really pale brunettes. At any rate, New Moon is at least watchable. It has some huge plot holes (why in the hell would vampires go to high school over and over, even if they do look young?)but so do all genre movies, and I don't hear fanboys whining about the massive plot holes in Dark Knight or Iron Man.
Even if you two are right, that is completely beside the point of this post. This post points out that "Genre" publications that usually champion B-movies are so threatened because this one isn't aimed at a straight 13 year old boy. Both Hulk movies were faaaaaar more of "an embarrassment to popular culture" than Twilight, as was the 2nd Transformers (the first was great IMO) but there was no actual vitriol like this. These are deeply insecure straight boys who love to see exploited women but can't handle exploited men.
I can understand some of the comments. New Moon really is as bad as people say. Bella is the most depressed girl I've ever seen, and she's only happy when she was a non-human man in her life. I stick with Team "Bella don't waste your life. Go to College". That should be a good message for teenagers who love this franchise.
I'm still trying to figure out why I'm on this list as a so-called "threatened fanboy" after my jokey post title (did you even read the post?), but whatev. Thanks for finally linking to Cinematical, though -- appreciate the love!
So don't read the books and watch the movies.
I'm just happy they're making shitty movies for an audience other than white males aged 18-35.
Yup. Taken out of context and sandwiched together, three distinctly different comments from the beginning middle and end of a 1500wd review can be made to look someone feels threatened. Way to cherry pick Kyle! Woo hoo!
I'm not getting it. If anything, any and all negative criticism of this movie should be cheered. This movie is guilty of a level of misogyny far more damaging than any male nerd tentpole flick. These Twilight movies are specifically aimed at girls and women, and they paint the lead female protagonist as completely helpless without the men in her life. This is a 50-year step back.
I'm not sure calling Bella a cocktease should be cheered on just cause it's negative criticism.
(And...I have to say...that isn't even ACCURATE criticism. She wants to get her pants off so bad but since Edward controls her and says teh sex is teh bad, she doesn't get any. Criticize THAT.)
I think it is a pretty accurate portayal of your review as you call her a "cocktease" twice and say that she is "leading a werewolf around by the dick"
#1-Bella is always the one coming on to Edward and he is always the one pushing her away
#2-she tells Jacob repeatedly that she only wants to be his friend so if he follows her around like a puppy that is HER fault?
You are like one of those assholes who complain that women never like "nice guys"
"see it with beer or with promise of sex afterward" be a little more masochistic, please!
1. Let's not get all riled up over comments taken out of context.
2. I actually agree with the criticism of the film/books/fangirl insanity. It's a disturbing world that Stephenie Meyer created and while there are certainly passages that are swoon-worthy, in terms of the physical tension, the book (never went past the 1st, couldn't do it.)The movie holds up somewhat better, but is certainly in the B-Movie category at best.
3. The problem I'm seeing, is that there is so much vitriol being targeted at a female fan base.
Honestly, I would rather watch Aliens, Dark Knight, Braveheart, Doom, (yes, I said it,) than the putrid rom-coms targeted towards me. No, I've never seen the Notebook. I'm all about the blowing stuff up, shooting things, and the alien life forms.
That said, maybe if the fanboys weren't so exclusionist, they'd have GF's who wanted to see those kinds of flicks instead of bemoaning that the girls are ruining things. Ya think?
I'm more worried about the girls reading this crap and thinking it's true love. Blech.
the thing is, $140 million the first weekend says absolutely nothing about the quality of a movie, the mindless masses bought midnight tickets on Thursday night and 97% of all the tickets sold over the weekend were first-time viewers. You've never watched a crappy movie once? The same thing happened for transformers 2, it did millions in sales, but it was mediocre at best. when are people going to realize that something making money doesn't always signify quality.
the thing is, with most things, you can just not read or watch whatever it is, but in this situation, it's not that simple. I can't go anywhere without hearing people talking about twilight, I can't walk through a public place without seeing that moronic lion and the lamb quote plastered on a shirt or a bag; my 12 year old cousin talks about how sexy jacob is, I don't need to hear that. If there was a simple way to avoid twilight completely, sign me up. What bothers most people is that something so lacking in quality is seen by millions of people as "tha best book/movie EvAr!" and that the author has no knowledge or respect for the things that came before, the Count on sesame street is a more accurate representation of a vampire for christ's sake
Nup. I've sucked a dick or two in my life, Strepsi, and I'm embarrassed for anyone involved with and/or anyone that is a fan of the Twilight series, so don't bring up the effing Hulk with me to defend the utterly shiteous writing that the books (and by default, films) suffer from. When will idiots realise that this woman has sold sub-par writing with a bad plot for more $$$ than all of us will ever earn in our lifetimes?
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