Project Runway Recap: There Will Be Barf

During a better time (Season One), Project Runway aired its last episode of the season as a two-hour event. In every year since, producers ditched propriety and aired both hours as separate episodes, which means the first half of the finale is always uneventful and designed to prolong suspense until the following week. Well, here we are, getting all up in our uneventfulness and passing around Koosh projectiles waiting for something to happen, whether that something is a killer final runway or the revelation that Carol Hannah's "stomach virus" is a metaphor for her feelings, which Irina mangled months ago.

At the top of the episode, Heidi hooves it to the runway where three half-smiling designers await -- Althea, Carol Hannah, and Irina. Oh, are they cheery!

Heidi: Well. Can you believe you made this far? Without cancellation? I sure can't. Now comes the greatest challenge of all, where you must create a 12-piece collection for $9,000. I understand this will mean a lot of additional math for Carol Hannah, which will hopefully be fun for the viewers. Now, let us bring to the stage someone you have all grown close to, a man who wants you to succeed only as much as you do, the smashing Tim Gunn.

Tim Gunn: Sew some outfits, please. Worst season ever. Bye, Los Angeles, and... mankind.

Heidi: Tim, don't!

But before Tim can sprint into traffic and utter his final gay sigh into the front of end of a speeding Range Rover, Heidi halts him and the two conduct a cute, awkward dance-off behind the shadowy Project Runway screen. Heidi can really dance! Tim has to manually move his arms and legs.

The designers pack up, go home, and start designing and constructing their final collections. After some months pass, Tim Gunn visits each contestant at their mysteriously good-looking abodes, which is usually a great cinematic treat when 1) the designer is a middle-aged woman with frantic, boll weevil-attracting eyes named Wendy Pepper, 2) the creations are worth looking at. You will notice neither of these tenets in this episode.

Tim first visits Carol Hannah in a New York City suburb, where she shows him some clothes, and Tim just grimaces and replies with a "comme ci, comme ça" hand gesture for the duration. Sensing defeat, Carol Hannah exacts revenge and forces Tim to meet her boring family, tying an apron on him as a way of saying, "In the south, you would be received as a woman." While Tim dons the apron and helps prepare dinner, Carol Hannah's family remarks that they are proud of her. Did you know can shoot my face off right now? I will allow it.

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  • Victor Ward says:

    I think this episode is the only, only argument for why Christopher should have been in the final three. A segment that degenerates into dominant daddy-inspired gay sex in a pool of the younger one's tears outlined by sparkling chiffon is just what Lifetime needs.
    Also, Althea's forehead omgz.

  • I do believe some of the other comments are actually a tad harsh

  • Elli says:

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