Project Runway Recap: Plan B From Outer Space

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Project Runway sold out last night, but in a fun way: They tailored the challenge specifically toward me and my harem at Movieline. I was surprised, too! Until I realized it was the right f*cking thing to do, obviously, because I deserve it. Last night's challenge required the Seamster union to design in the style of famous film genres, which yielded no results from the two most prominent genres of the last decade, "American Pie sequels featuring a visibly embarrassed Eugene Levy" and "Amateur Xtube Solo Effort." The latter snub wouldn't have happened on Bravo, guys.

The episode begins with much bitching, taunting and mugging from the remaining 11 designers, particularly from our good friend Mr. Sarah Vowell, who will just spellbind us this evening with clichés. "I didn't come here to make friends!" he notes, like the dim girl at recess. Right, Nicolas. Did you come here to say stupid things like that? I don't know which is worse.

Irina chimes in with extended bitching about how "the next few challenges are going to get tough" and how on the last challenge she reminded herself "that I could do 'wow' pieces." She poises her lips and neck in such way that suggests she thinks she's the cutest one here. Oh, hell no. Look, not-that-cute Anna Karenina, I'd throw you under the train myself if I could. You're out of line. Have you even met Gordana? She is personified cuteness. Let us make a cuteness analogy, in fact. Gordana: Cockapoos in Sundresses Somersaulting on Clouds:: Irina: The Cold War. Sorry, Irina, De-Stalinization is rarely adorable. (This analogy was taken straight from the SAT, by the way, so no dissent is necessary.)

Also, Gordana notes: "I WAS REALLY SURPRISED TO BE IN THE BOTTOM THREE, TO TELL YOU DA TROOT. I HAVE BEEN TOLD ZAGREB AND MONTENEGRO ARE UPSET, BUT HONESTLY, IT DOES NOT TAKE MUCH. THEY WILL GO BACK TO SAFE SNARLING SOON. I JUST HOPE BOTH SIDES CAN TAKE THEIR AGGRESSIONS OUT AT HORRIFYING SOCCER GAMES WHERE CROWDS THROW CHILDREN AT WOLVES AFTER POOR CORNER KICKS. OTHERWISE I AM DOING FINE, THANK YOU."

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