Project Runway Recap: Plan B From Outer Space

Onto the runway! Michael Kors and Nina Garcia are busy tossing waterballoons at Harvey Weinstein's children, so this week their replacements are designer Jon Varvatos (I can deal with that), Zoe Glassner (I have knives for feelings), and Academy Award-nominated costumer designer Arianne Phillips. Let's sort through the memorable parts of allegedly cinematic show.

· Louise's prompt is "Film Noir," and she sends down a black, vaguely striped, short dress that is basic and not at all Barbara Stanwyck. Ouch, she's a "vintage" designer. This should've been right up her Kenley Collins-anointed alley. Don't worry, Zoe Glassner, the Dorothy Parker of our time, steps in and says (while laughing at her "joke"), "I'd hate to say it! It looks like...a snoozefest!" That is remarkable. Because I cannot tell you what a snoozefest looks like, Zoe. Goddamn the essay-writing contest that won you a spot on the judges' panel.

· Ra'mon unleashes his last-minute Plan B: a scaly, lime tower of fabric that Heidi declares "a hot green mess." To be fair, it does look "sci-fi." It's the kind of drag queen who rises from the ocean and attacks a fleet of teenagers playing beach blanket bingo. I guess that's not really attractive, though, in this cruel existence. Zoe Glassner also says it looks like "Swamp Thing! Ha ha ha!" because she is a registered wit sorcerer.

· Gordana has created a sparkly tan flapper number for her "period piece." It's not exactly innovative, but it fits well and the styling and makeup are excellent! And that's what counts. Right, Tim? Is that what you told Collier in the heat of the moment? You. Pinstriped. Dog.

· Epperson's "Western" idea has evolved into a wonderful, denim-decked, leather-waisted damsel dress. It's costume, but beautifully rendered, pristinely finished costume. I will call it Phat Ballou.

· Christopher's "period piece" number comprises several fabrics to form a bubbly layered dress and a darling little bust. Looks pretty expensive too, as Heidi notes.

· Nicolas's operatic Candyland frozen-poultry thing is LAUDED by the judges, who say it's just what the challenge calls for. Weren't they supposed to make movie-inspired couture? This is just a feathered costume, and maybe one you'd be buried in. I'll give you one guess as to where this is going.

Nicolas wins the challenge! The bottom two are Ra'mon and Louise, and after a painful deliberation regarding the merits of Mothra, Ra'mon is booted. Honestly, I couldn't see it going any other way. Stay tuned next week for more inevitable Gordana backlash and Irina's poised, Baryshnikov-like descent into the bowels of my contempt.

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