38 Reasons to Never Go to the Movies Again

Still feeling nihilistic? So's Michael Musto! "Apparently, you pay Scientology, and they help your career big time. But in the old days, the studios closeted you for free! ... I'd rather read an old Pauline Kael review of a movie than watch the actual movie. ... The film biz should pick one day out of the calendar year and declare it 'No Fart Jokes or Car Crashes Day.' ... And how about 'No Pretentious, Scenery-Chewing Oscar-Grubbing Month' (and let's make it December)? ... Every important film from an auteur bloats in at exactly two hours and 20 minutes. One second less would obviously be a creative abortion. ... Today's stars should never do historical epics. Chin implants and pillow lips look funny in the Middle Ages. ... Opening credits have become ridiculous. 'Dingdong Films, under the auspices of Crapola Productions, in association with FilMagic, Cinema Paradise, and Rutgers University, along with Kazilloscope Matters Inc., and Hempstead Futons, Presents an Ashton Kutcher Joint ...'" [Village Voice]
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