While the makers of the forthcoming live-action Captain Planet movie piece together the remnants of your childhood, the folks at Funny or Die are owning the Planeteer game with yet another video featuring Don Cheadle as the terrifying enviro-hero gone mad with green power.
When it comes to frightening cinematic villains, this list will likely seem tame to hardcore horror film fanatics — those who revel in phantasmagoria. But to my mind, horror films are very rarely scary, usually hovering somewhere between slapstick and melodrama. What makes for a really scary character to me has little to do with those qualities most often found with the horror film ghoul, being a penchant for brutality, a supposedly fraught psychological profile, or any underpinning mysticism. Jason Voorhees of the Friday the 13th films, for instance, can boast all three. Yet, despite this, his appeal translates similarly to that of a clown: He proceeds with a certain inevitable performative gravity. Just as everyone knows that a clown will take a pratfall, we all know that Jason will make his kill. The fun is in just how the ax falls, if you’re into that sort of thing.
Children of the '90s were aghast to hear there was a live-action Captain Planet film reboot in the works, courtesy of the producers behind the Transformers movies. Even the good people at Funny or Die took heed, making their own version of what a live-action Captain Planet movie would look like... if Don Cheadle (in horrifying blue face paint and the Captain's trademark green mullet) played the part of the eco-friendly superhero, with folks like Brenda Song and Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite onboard as his multi-culti band of annoying young do-gooders.