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Late Night Highlights: Ben Affleck Jokes About Gay Sex With Matt Damon

It is always a warm reunion when Ben Affleck visits his former faux-lover Jimmy Kimmel on the ABC late show. Last night, the two lamented their lost relationship and expensive Disneyland tickets, before The Town director made an unfortunate joke about the positions that he and Boston buddy Matt Damon take in bed. Elsewhere, John Stamos remembered (almost) sleeping with Cloris Leachman, Stephen Colbert apologized for his wrongful interpretation of "Black Friday" and Judah Friedlander taught Jon Stewart how to beat up Bigfoot.

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The Wit & Wisdom of Gossip Girl: True Grit

"What do you say we find that bitch and get ourselves some frontier justice?" Applause! With that single line -- courtesy of Blair Waldorf, natch -- Gossip Girl washed away the bad taste left by "Witches of Bushwick". (Which you might remember as the worst episode of any television show this season.) Too bad it happened in the final moments of "Gaslit," an episode that was fairly solid, if still coated in some frustration and hair extensions.

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Lea Michele and Chris Colfer Tackle Evita: You Must Love Them?

"Don't Cry For Me Argentina" is a Patti LuPone classic, a Madonna career-changer, a standard of the American stage, and now... yet another symbol of Rachel Berry's haughty elitism. Yep, Glee, Lea Michele, and -- strangely -- Chris Colfer are attacking Andrew Lloyd Webber's salute to Eva Peron, and the audio is ready for your constructive criticism and/or scoffs and/or LGBT sympathies.

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Could a Franco-Hathaway Oscars Be a Good Thing?

Movieline spewed some necessary skepticism following AMPAS' announcement that James Franco and Anne Hathaway will host the Oscars this year. It's kind of weird. Two super-young stars with (some) Oscar buzz this year? Confounding. But let's remain open to the possibility that the surprise plan may be a good one.

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Why It's Time For Fred Armisen to Hand Over SNL's Obama to Jay Pharoah

Last week, the news broke that President Obama split his lip playing a pickup game of basketball. My thoughts immediately began to drift toward the parody Saturday Night Live would no doubt have done this past weekend -- and which I presume remains imminent after the show's week off. Then I remembered, Oh yeah: It's still Fred Armisen doing Obama and not Jay Pharoah. Never mind.

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Lost Alum Cops Role On Lie To Me

Doug Hutchison (aka Lost's groovy Horace Goodspeed) has been tapped to guest-star on Fox's Lie To Me, Movieline has confirmed. Hutchison will play Lane Bradley, a police detective whose star is rising in the department...until his world is waylaid by the kidnapping of his infant daughter.

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Sarah Palin's Alaska Recap: The Wrong Track

Fishing in Billingham.

Eagle.

Bristol Bay -- "Very special place for me and my family. Fishing there since before we were married. It's so special to us that our first daughter was named after Bristol Bay."

Todd's grandmother to Sarah's grandson in the in-laws house.

Track: "Got some big shoes to fill."

Track and his crew wrecked Todd's trailer last night.

"Track has yet to learn that every piece of equipment he uses is his responsibility."

Adorable maps!

Todd's Fishing Site: 10:56 am.

Sarah: "Two types of fishery in Bristol Bay." Zzzzzz.

"This is good for Todd and Track's relationship."

Sarah's making eggs or something with Piper. READ THE DIRECTIONS. "Three eggs!" "They're in Spanish!"

Todd is Mr. Mom. "We both we wanted a big family."

Trig was born with Down Syndrome. There are some sturggles, some challenges. He really helps us focus in on the heart of a family. We both pitch in and do whatever needs to be done to run a household.

Bristol and her cousin have to filet fish. BLOOD EVERYWHERE Willow: "None of my friends do this."

Todd's sister Kristene is in the area.

"Grabbing the guts out is my favorite part."

Lena loves that grandkids make food the native way.

Sarah hands off bloody shanks to kids.

"Martha Stewart Jrs. There ya go."

Time to take a plane somewhere.

Ekuk.

Sarah's interviewing someone about getting washers and dryers in.

"I think I'm the best fish-fileter in the whole third grade."

"Smoked fish... tasty. I guarantee your hors d'oeuvre will be smoked salmon."

"Piper, he has Down Syndrome."

"I had all those months to prepare -- but then it turned out to be a blessing."

Cousin Matt gives Sarah a look at how Trig will be in ten years.

Piper's birthday, head smashed in cake.

Track wants to learn how from his dad about getting his own fishing site.

Net's down.

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'I'm What Time and Circumstance Made Me': Boardwalk Empire Recapped

If the penultimate episode of Boardwalk Empire did anything, it gave the series an epitaph for its first season. As Jimmy told The Commodore -- pat on back: I, like many others, had already called that he was Jimmy's pop-pop -- "I'm what time and circumstance made me." So, too, is every other major character populating this east coast Gomorrah. It's enough to make Randolph and Mortimer Duke proud.

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Erin Andrews on the Dancing with the Stars Finale: 'That Must've Been Some Major Drugs She Was On!"

Sigh. All great things must come to an end: Here's our last Dancing with the Stars interview with Erin Andrews, the ESPN commentator and steadfast Kyle Massey defender. Following last night's redemptive finale, Erin and I discussed the judges' weird scoring, Jennifer Grey's pain tolerance, and the best moments of the season. Oh, and the winner.

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Gleebasing: 'I Think I Want to Marry You'

While reliving the glorious high of Gwyneth Paltrow's episode of Glee last week (do not be foolish; it was her episode entirely), Movieline sadly figured that viewers would not score another hit of Ryan Murphy's series this season that would produce the same euphoria. But we were wrong, because last night's episode -- regrettably titled "Furt" -- delivered what Gleams* are made of: a storyline in which Sue Sylvester marries Sue Sylvester, Mike O'Malley steals screentime from Schue and Carol Burnett guest-stars as a deadbeat mother who sings Broadway tunes. Now onto the highs and lows.

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Late Night Highlights: Jerry Seinfeld Roasts Paul McCartney at the White House

Jerry Seinfeld made an appearance on The Late Show last night. Wait, it gets better: Not only did he do a little stand-up, he also discussed the time he performed at the White House for Paul McCartney. Elsewhere, Andy Richter re-auditioned to be Conan's sidekick, Christina Applegate talked about a place she likes to call "Whore Canyon," Tom Bergeron had a Dancing with the Stars nightmare and David Arquette appeared drunk and/or high on Lopez Tonight.

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Bristol Palin Loses Dancing with the Stars, Goes Out with 'Middle Finger'

Maybe there's hope for America yet. After weeks of speculation, conjecture, conspiracy and all-out panic, the blue portion of the nation breathed a big sigh of relief last night when Bristol Palin lost Dancing with the Stars. Next stop, the White House, amirite?! Oh, wait: Barack Obama is still president, Dancing with the Stars is just a television show, and liberal bête noire Sarah Palin wasn't even competing. So, why was everyone so outraged at the idea of a 20-year-old girl winning?

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The A-List: New York Recap: I Love You Up to the Sky

Gay yawn. This week's episode of The A-List: New York was doomed to be a little boring. The season finale is next week, and that'll treat us to the bawling, face-humping, weave-snatching, scrotum-yanking, and collagen-needle fights we signed up for. In the meantime, we're stuck with an episode that gave us just a whole bunch of staged table conversations. I thought I was watching an LGBT community center's production of The Gin Game. Luckily, everyone was still mockable. Let's do the honors.

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Gwyneth Paltrow is a 'Lush' and 8 Other Revelations From Chelsea Handler's Interview Special

Chelsea Handler began her campaign to succeed Barbara Walters as television's blondest interviewer with last night's Big Interview Special. The E! special featured conversations with Gwyneth Paltrow, Anne Hathaway and Christina Aguilera. Only unlike the 86-year-old 20/20 anchor, Handler came off less like your nosy great-aunt, and more like your gabby best friend who wanted to know everything about your sex scenes, gay best friends, Oscar disappointments and bucket bathroom habits. Let's check out the highlights ahead.

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The Mike & Molly Fat Joke Tracker: 'This Giant Man Needs 8 Hours to Sleep'

Bad news, tracker fans. Last night's Thanksgiving-themed episode of Mike & Molly was a turkey in the fat joke department. I was expecting Mike and Molly's family to crowd around the table, share thanks and then launch into a full-on fat roast about their lardy loved ones. Instead, we got the following paltry serving. What hath Overeaters Anonymous wrought?

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