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The Hills Reality Check: Heidi and Spencer Should Be Arrested For Hosting a Children's Birthday Party

If you're an MTV reality star, you can throw over-the-top birthday parties for whomever you want; why, just last night, Heidi threw an a lavish soiree for a seven-year-old of no blood relation to her! For Heidi, the fete was an excuse to crowd her home with creatures who could not judge her: an elephant, children with no understanding of plastic surgery or mental illness, and clowns. But for the rest of the world watching last night's episode, "Elephant in the Room," the birthday soiree was just another depressing glimpse into Heidi's fun house of delusions. Which moments rang truest and falsest?

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TV || ||

What's On: The Best Tyramail of All

Tonight America's Top Next Model concludes its 14th cycle and finally makes a decent clothes-wearer of one lucky girl. Tyra Banks, your soon-to-be favorite author, has enlisted a well-known fashion designer to make the last runway a daunting one -- as if the aluminum sheen of Nigel Barker's noggin wasn't disorienting enough.

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Contributors || ||

23 Questions About Lost Episode 615, "Across the Sea," Answered!

Previously on Lost: Two men sit on a beach. Two men sit on a beach, one wearing a white ensemble, the other dressed in black. Two men sit on a beach, chatting with an undertone of mystery and menace. Two men sit on a beach, and one of them is all, "I'm gonna learn some loopholes, and then I'm going to kill you!" And the other one's like, "Go right ahead, brah. I'm mostly unkillable!" Then the two men Indian leg-wrestle, with the one in black throwing in some illegal noogies. "Bah! I'm gonna kill you, you'll see!" he says. "See you in Hell, or on another Purgatory island or something, tough guy!" Eventually, an atom bomb explodes.

Let's cherish this time together, as we have only two more episodes to raise our Questions, and search for our Answers. Like the ones we're about to ask concerning "Across the Sea," right now!

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TV || ||

5 Ways Heroes Could Go Out with a Bang

It's become a yearly tradition at NBC: Heroes gets a last-minute renewal, the creators apologize and promise that the new season will be better than the last, viewers realize it isn't, and ratings continue to fall. This time, however, NBC may have run out of patience. Vulture reports that the network likes its new pilots so much that it may cancel Heroes outright, or at least bring it back in a severely truncated form. In case the show does get a reprieve, here are 5 things the writers could do to make it worthwhile.
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Dancing with the Stars Elimination: Niecy Come, Niecy Go

While Niecy Nash's departure last night on Dancing with the Stars is rough for Reno 911 zealots everywhere, America should take pride in ushering her so far in the competition. Ultimately, she was the fifth-best dancer -- if we accept that Pam Anderson deserved fourth and Chad Ochocinco actually deserved sixth. Now that she's off, is anyone else hoping she'll start a low-octane fight with Elisabeth Hasselbeck? Keep this woman in my newsfeed, please! Video of her elimination after the jump.

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Gleebasing: Trading Stereotypical Gayness for Stereotypical Straightness

While Ryan Murphy was penning an open letter to Newsweek last night, his Glee characters were fighting their own battles within the confines of William McKinley High School. Each character given a storyline in this week's episode "Laryngitis" was stripped of his or her defining superpower and had to adjust to life without. First, Rachel lost her much-vaunted voice, then Puck forfeited his mohawk and in effect, his popularity. Kurt briefly sacrificed his comically overdrawn gayness for comically overdrawn straightness (by wearing overalls and singing John Mellencamp) in an attempt to impress his father. And most tragically of all, Schue lost his ability to white-rap any number in the Glee songbook. Let's see how each of those characters fared without their single most recognizable trait, and pay attention -- there will be a pop quiz.

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Awards || ||

Daytime Emmys Somehow Forget to Nominate James Franco

The Daytime Emmys were announced today and General Hospital led the pack of mostly expected nominees with a massive 18 nominations. Conspicuously absent from the list, though, was the man who brought that soap opera high ratings, media attention, and deliciously meta plotlines: the one, the only James Franco. How can this be? Did voters somehow miss his Tommy Wiseau-evoking Emmy clip? We've got it for you (and for you, James, in tribute!), as well as a list of the important nominees.
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TV || ||

The V Strategy Guide: Who Came Out on Top This Week?

The Visitors' scheming came to quite a head in this week's V, which saw our seemingly genial alien race leveling ultimatums and forcing hands left and right. (And some resistance members did a little double-crossing of their own.) But were all those threats and follow-throughs well-executed by our competing species? Read on and find out.
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Newswire || ||

Ryan Murphy Demands an Apology From Newsweek, Urges Readers to Boycott

Add Glee creator Ryan Murphy to the laundry list of people offended by Ramin Setoodeh's Newsweek editorial, in which the author proclaimed that gay actors cannot convincingly portray straight characters. Murphy released a scathing open letter to Newsweek last night, in which he scolded the publication for not issuing an apology to readers, suggested a full-on Newsweek boycott and invited Setoodeh to the set of Glee for a sing-along of Madonna's "Open Your Heart." Click through for the full letter.
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TV || ||

American Idol Recap: Who Gave Us Movie Magic?

The final four. Three of these American Idol contestants win a victorious trip home, ticker tape, and a bust of Randy Jackson from the mayor, while one retreats to a life of inevitable obesity. Is there any stopping the judges' call of a Bowersox-DeWyze final two? Or are we in for a surprise tomorrow night? We're breaking it down fairly, ranking "Songs from the Cinema" night's performances (including the duets) from worst to best. Videos included! Spoiler: Die, Randy.

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TV || ||

Late Night Highlights: Mick Jagger Parodies Lost and Jay Leno Makes a Bad Erection Joke

Lost finale fever has officially spread to afterhours programming. Just last night, Jimmy Fallon subjected Evangeline Lilly to a lightening-round survey about her series before recruiting Mick Jagger for the latest installment of Fallon's Lost parody Late. Meanwhile, Jimmy Kimmel interrupted Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who was discussing her own finale this week, to ask her about a relative of hers who appeared on the J.J. Abrams show. Those segments, as well as the other clips you missed last night while trying to get your Betty White for NAACP Image Awards Host campaign off the ground, after the jump.

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TV || ||

TV Bites: Comedy Central Pulls the Plug on Sarah Silverman

· Bad news, television fans: In spite of a last-minute Twitter campaign to keep the Sarah Silverman Program on the air, Comedy Central has canceled the series before it could reach its fourth season. The half-hour show nearly ended last season when the network cut its budget by over 20 percent until Comedy Central's sister channel Logo stepped in at the eleventh hour to help fund the series. [Deadline]

ABC merges the blood- and life-sucking, Facebook campaigns for a new Saturday Night Live host, and more TV Bites after the jump.

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Newswire || ||

Charlie Sheen's Poker Face

When it comes to playing sitcom hardball, Charlie Sheen is a pro. Just today, "a source close" to the Two and a Half Men star (translation: his manager) told TMZ, "Charlie is really into his sobriety now. He likes the show but it brings back bad memories. If [the contract renegotiation] doesn't happen it literally wouldn't faze him." Meanwhile, Jon Cryer's poker face has already crumbled. Sources close to Duckie reveal that he will do almost anything for that $20 million he could net from two more seasons. [TMZ]

TV || ||

5 Other Award Shows Betty White Should Host

Only 72 hours after Betty White whipped Saturday Night Live into the best shape of its season, the Internet is already campaigning for the Golden Girl to host another historic television institution: the Oscars. But what Betty's Facebook foot soldiers don't understand is that her charisma, naughty one-liners and white-hot fan appeal could better energize some of the industry's other tired award shows. Here are Movieline's five pitches.

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No One Saw the Completely Precedented Happy Town Failure Coming

Happy Town, ABC's small-town mystery that plays like a blander Twin Peaks, will be pulled from the network's schedule following this week's episode, then won't return until June 2. But Sam Neill was just getting started doing his grizzled thing! I'd feign surprise, except that a show just like Happy Town failed last year at this very time. Can you help solve this sad caper?

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