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What's On: So Long, Simon

I admit that amid my excitement for the American Idol finale (which does exist in spite of season nine's stank), I've forgotten to be sad for Simon Cowell's departure. I know X-Factor is coming, but a part of my TV-viewing life is morphing forever. Change is not my strong suit. Paula Abdul's reappearance tonight will soften the blow somewhat, but I'm not prepared for Simon's inevitable bawling. And by "bawling," I mean "cheeky quips that create tension between Kara and Paula, probably forever."

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The Hills Reality Check: Brody Jenner's Guide to Casual Dating

If you were wondering why last night's episode of The Hills felt different, vaguely organic and less rage-filled, it's because Spencer and Heidi were gloriously absent. Maybe Heidi tagged along with Spencer on those producer-mandated anger management classes, or maybe editors scrapped the storyline in which Speidi hires a Shetland pony as their business manager and continues isolating themselves from the world, but either way, less Speidi meant that some of the other bit characters could really get deep for the cameras -- like Stephanie, who revealed that she had never heard of lacrosse. Click through to see which moments hit the Real/Fake Jackpot during last night's installment, "A New Bird."

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Gleebasing: Lady Gaga Meets Pseudo-Vampires

Let's hear it for Ryan Murphy, who did the impossible in last night's installment of Glee. He filmed the single best scene of Mike O'Malley's career, produced a Grammy-worthy remix of an already Grammy-worthy song ("Bad Romance") and convinced Cory Monteith to wear a rubber dress. Just give him his Emmy already. After the jump, Movieline assesses the highs and lows from last night's episode and awards bonus points for the best Lady Gaga tribute costumes.

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Has Lost REALLY Changed The Way We Watch Television?

If you watched any of the two hours of fan wankery that was the Lost recap show Sunday night, you might have noticed at least one assertion crop up a few times: That Lost has changed television. And lying tangent to that assertion, wrapped up in all those tender fan farewells (and other commentaries), was the notion that Lost also changed The Way We Watch Television. That, like nothing before it, Lost has rallied us out of our little nerd hideouts to the Internet (or wherever) to theorize, commiserate, fawn or flame. That somehow, before Lost, we didn't realize the rhetorical power of the medium and were only passive TV watchers.

So on this, the day we used to crowd around our laptops to visit The Fuselage or Live Journal or, I don't know, Fanfiction.net, I say, "Oh, come on. Let's give ourselves more credit here."

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Late Night Highlights: Jimmy Fallon Premieres His Sex Scenes and Jake Gyllenhaal Anthropomorphizes HIs Persia Weave

The Sex and the City 2 cast hit the late night circuit in full force last night in anticipation of this week's opening. Kim Cattrall taught Jimmy Fallon how to deliver dirty lines in the sand, Craig Ferguson told Kristin Davis that he is staying far away from the sequel and Sarah Jessica Parker managed to be two places at once by appearing on Letterman and Leno. Those clips, as well as the other highlights you missed last night while crafting your very own Liza plastic tunic, after the jump.

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ABC Clears Up Lost Finale's Closing Plane-Crash Images

Remember how at the end of the Lost series finale -- after Jack's eye closed for the last time and you cried and the "L O S T" logo popped up on screen -- there were those images of the Oceanic flight 815 wreckage on the beach? And you thought it meant something? Well, as it turns out, enough people agreed with you for an ABC spokesperson to come out and comment on the closing credits late yesterday. So, does it mean the 815ers were dead the entire time?

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American Idol Finale, Part 1: Who's Our Idol?

Crystal Bowersox or Lee DeWyze: Only one can run off with Idol's platinum crown and inherit the kingdom of Tiger Beat sorcerer Kris Allen. The other is forced into an underground burlesque ring with Diana DeGarmo and Bo Bice, who don't share tips. The stakes are high! Last night we watched as Crystal and Lee tackled three different selections, some old, some new. As expected, there was enough acoustic flair to revive MTV Unplugged for years -- but the real question is, who reigned with the best performance of the night? Tonight we find out what voters think, but in the meantime, we're ranking the night's performances from worst to first, stopping only if Simon Cowell tears up during his last judging moments on the Idol stage. (Spoiler: He's an unfeeling warlock.)

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Dancing with the Stars's Winner: Do We Jive in Approval?

The dance critic prefers Nicole Scherzinger. The primed athlete wants Evan Lysacek. The underdog backer votes for Erin Andrews. But America's voters are mostly none of those things, so what matters when it comes to selecting the winner of Dancing with the Stars? Being liked, that's what. Last night, DWTS crowned its 10th season champion and closed a cycle full of expert tangos and perfect quicksteps. Point totals give Nicole the lead, but did America think her Pussycat Doll antics were too tacky for such a refined contest? We post the crowning moment and commentary after the jump.

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TV Bites: CBS Wins This Year's Ratings Crown, NBC Scrambles to Avoid Last Place

· This week marks the end of the 2009-2010 television season, which means that it is time for a few networks to celebrate their ratings victories and the others to shuffle dejectedly into the locker room and come up with a better plan for next season. CBS is already announcing that it had the most total viewers this season, thanks to the Big Bang Theory and Two and a Half Men. Fox placed second in total viewers but has the most-watched series: American Idol. Meanwhile, ABC and NBC are still racing towards the finish line, hoping not to clock in last. [Deadline]

TNT passes on Law & Order, ABC Family drafts Friday Night Lights, and more TV Bites after the jump.

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Movieline Attempts to Tie Up Almost 100 of Lost's 'Loose Ends'

After the Lost finale aired, some people complained that there are still dozens of questions left unanswered -- but is that really true? Sure, there are still a few loose threads left hanging, but I'd argue that the bulk of the questions people have are either answerable or can be strongly guessed at based on the information the show has already given us.

To put my theory to the test, I decided to rebut a popular video compiled today by College Humor that lists nearly 100 outstanding questions that Lost has left us with. How many could I answer, and how many were legitimate loose ends? Let's find out.

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Bachelorette Studfinder: The 5 Leading Hunks from Last Night's Premiere

So, about this new Bachelorette Ali Fedotowsky: I don't dig her. Maybe it's that her cliched romantic musings only prove her to be a pallid mimeograph of past bachelorettes, but she's also aloof and... you know, not Vienna. Luckily, Movieline's newest feature has little to do with her, and much more to do with the show's 17 dimpled contestants vying for her love. With the Bachelorette Studfinder, we'll rack up the best dudes from each week's show and hopefully weed out people like Derrick (a tossed contestant who went by the nickname "Shooter" because he -- say it with me -- prematurely ejaculates) ahead of time. Prepare thy squeals for the five winsomest bachelors of the new season.

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What's On: Creeping Up to Karaoke Coronation!

Just one full episode left until Idol gives all its riches, scepters, and poorly written first singles to the season nine winner. Will Lee DeWyze capitalize on his building momentum and take it all (Hint: Boo!) or will Crystal Bowersox sweep back in and win the season that she's ruled since day one (Hint: AHSHH!HH CRYSTAL!!!111! we love u gurl MWAHZ Luv, Mov13L1ne).

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Childrens' Hospital: Adult Swim's Welcome Dip in the Shallow End

Adult Swim's upcoming series Childrens' Hospital is so cross-eyed and delirious that you can't help but surrender to its premise: a Grey's Anatomy knockoff full of sex, confrontation, and sick children. The network is retooling episodes of producer Rob Corddry's series, which co-stars Malin Akerman, Lake Bell, a few Party Down favorites (and Megan Mullally), Henry Winkler, and Corddry himself. Enjoy the brain-damaged proceedings after the jump.

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Real Housewives of New Jersey Reality Check: Guns, Babies and Strippers

Last week, on the Real Housewives of New Jersey, Teresa's husband Joe may or may not have cried during a fashion show, so when he returned for last night's episode, Joe and the rest of the Househusbands were determined to rack up as many alpha male points as possible. One husband showed off his gun collection, another walked around shirtless, and yet another outlined his plan to pioneer the one-stop strip club and car wash. Which of these macho gestures hit the Real and Fake jackpots?

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Why Is Rob Lowe Playing Brad Pitt on Californication?

When Showtime first announced that Rob Lowe would be guest-starring on Californication as Eddie Nero, "a self-possessed, award-winning movie star," Movieline HQ was thinking that producers would give the actor the stereotypical Johnny Hollywood treatment -- you know, with the sunglasses indoors, a bevy of beautiful model-types surrounding him, an assistant that he constantly berates and ridiculous set demands -- but judging from this first image of Lowe in character, producers were going for more of a "Brad Hollywood" look.

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