Spotted: A black Donald Trump on the Upper East Side!
Spin City vet Michael Boatman is joining the cast of Gossip Girl as Russell Thorpe, a powerful business tycoon and a former associate of Chuck's father, Bart. Additionally, One Life To Live's Tika Sumpter is also coming on board as his smart and savvy daughter, Ivanka Raina.
We've been having fun with Halloween today here at the Movieline Terrordrome, but here's some actually scary news for you: Charlie Sheen has moved on from his hookers-and-blow debacle from last week to a NEW hookers-and-blow debacle. But things are so bad that a long-time friend of Sheen's has declared "Charlie Sheen is going to die this week."
International undead superstars Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie made waves as they adopted an adorable, impoverished child from the slums of São Paulo only to feast on its delicate, ambrosial brains moments after the paperwork was completed. Jolie, whose ethereal beauty is now only slightly dampened by her grey, mottled skin and gummy, sallow eye whose dead stare haunts all those who encounter her, released a press statement, declaring "Braaaaaaiiiiinnnnssssss....brrrrraaaaaiiiiiinnnssssss." Ever the trendsetters, Brangelina's new walking dead life style has sparked a flurry of celebrity copycats; Madonna was spotted recently in the markets of Marrakech measuring the craniums of orphaned waifs, while Sandra Bullock is judiciously reading up on the fat content of Korean baby brains versus Romanian child brains.
The last torture train has pulled up to Sadism Station, as the final entry in the Saw series debuted at a soft number one, bumping last week's scary sensation, Paranormal Activity 2 down to the silver medal podium. And proving that America LOVES creepy old things at Halloween, Red is still doing respectable business, coming in at number three. Your weekend receipts are here.
Model/Psychopath Jason Voorhees has been added to sexy television sensation Gossip Girl as a mysterious sexy heir to a sporting goods fortune who romances Serena van der Woodsen. "Jason will bring a sexy, dangerous edge to the show," announced executive producer Josh Schwartz. "After Jason's sexy photo spread for David LaChapelle and his shadowy connection to a grisly series of unsolved murders in Crystal Lake, he seemed a natural fit to our show."
UPDATE: Model/Psychopath Jason Voorhees has brutally slaughtered the cast of Gossip Girl, hacking them to bits in seeming retribution for their sexual promiscuity. Brushing off Jessica Szohr's steaming entrails off his shoulder and placing them next to Penn Badgley's still-beating heart, Voohees gave no official comment. The only known survivor of the merciless bloodbath was Connor Paolo, who plays Eric van der Woodsen, who has yet to have an on-screen kiss. Developing...
In a surprise move, executive producer Nigel Lythgoe revealed that Paula Abdul's severed head will be joining Steven Tyler, Jennifer Lopez and Randy Jackson at the Judges' Table for the upcoming season of American Idol . "Paula has been a long-time fan favorite," Lythgoe stated in a press release, "But her diva behavior was often a point of concern for us. But now that's she's just a severed head, we believe that she'll be able to deliver that great 'Paula zaniness' in a much more manageable form. We're happy to welcome what remains of Paula back to the Idol family." "Bleearghhh...suhugglllpgl [sputter]," Abdul chirpily added. The tenth season of American Idol is scheduled to premiere on January 12, 2011 on Fox
In a move long expected by television and necromancy insiders, the Prince of Darkness concluded his stygian bargain with former NBC head Jeff Zucker, taking full and formal control of his immortal soul. The two power players first met at NBC executives' retreat in the Maldives and struck up an immediate friendship, based on their mutual interests of corrosive lies, untempered maleficence, and Ben Silverman. Thanks to Satan's infernal intercession, Zucker was able to drag NBC from its lofty, long-held number one position to the fourth-rated network with nary a consequence or demotion. However, once Lucifer's diabolic protection was removed, Zucker was immediately terminated and Beezlebub's moved to claim Zucker's soul as his just bounty. Satan will add Zucker's soul to his demonic River of Perpetual Weeping, where it joins the souls of Josef Stalin, Pol Pot, and television's Barbara Billingsley.
Controversy-prone singer/actress Taylor Momsen stunned her audience Saturday night when she provocatively tore open her shirt to reveal a small infant alien hungrily gnawing through her underage torso. Coming mere days after she exposed her breasts, many in the crowd assumed it was another publicity stunt until Momsen, seemingly more glassy-eyed than usual, fell to the ground in a bloody heap; the ravenous Xenomorph leapt out of her massive chest wound to scurry towards the tour bus and could not be reached for comment. Momsen was best known for her role on Gossip Girl, her band The Pretty Reckless, and her work as Ship Party Coordinator aboard the salvage ship Nostromo.
Whoa: George Hickenlooper, the candid, acclaimed director whose Casino Jack is set to open in December, was found dead this morning in Denver. He was 47. Hickenlooper was in town for the local premiere of the Kevin Spacey-starring biopic; his cousin John Hickenlooper -- Denver's mayor -- confirmed the filmmaker's passing in a statement released this afternoon.
Newlyweds, and professional irritants, Katy Perry and Russell Brand can't have just any wedding gift. They're zany and crazy and super, super hip -- they even got married at a tiger sanctuary! That's why PETA India decided to give the two lovebirds what every multinational superstar couple wants : A bull.
Glee, Glee, Glee. Are we watching you disintegrate before our very eyes? After the creatively-cruddy Britney Spears episode, I began to be concerned. After the Rocky Horror Show, I started to actively worry. And now Susan Boyle has been confirmed to join the Glee-tards for their holiday episode, I'm convinced: Glee is the new Heroes.
Professional world-destroyer Roland Emmerich must have finally gotten Netflix, because his new movie bears an eerie similarity to Cloverfield. Called The Zone it features a cast of unknowns as they deal with the average-guy's view of an alien invasion, using the "found footage" of one of the characters, all for the super-low budget of $5 million. Hmmmmm....
Oh, Opie, say it ain't so. His ginger back against the wall, director Ron Howard has sworn to keep the controversial "electric cars are gay" line in his movie, The Dilemma, even though pressure from outside groups led to its removal from the trailer. So why is the brother of beloved character actor Clint Howard digging his heels in on such a crap joke?
The alleged-last-in-the-series Saw 3D was the (severed) head of the class this Friday night, while last week's chilling champion, Paranormal Activity 2, slid to a spooky second place. Meanwhile Red's ghoulish gang of crypt-keeping senior citizens managed to beat the reaper and stay in a respectable third place. Your Friday box office is here.
[Cue scary wind sound] Hellooooo, Movieline reader. Have you come for a Halloween... treat? [Cue werewolf howl in the distance] Let me interest you in our toothsome Week in Review, a compendium of chills, thrills and terror... and that's just The A-List. [Cue organ and theremin] Be sure to say hello to the weekend undertaker Dixon Gaines, ghoul be your guide through the spirited days to come. And you most certainly won't want to miss our special Halloween coverage on Sunday -- if, that is, you can escape at all! Bwahahaha! No, seriously, have a great weekend, and do drop by Sunday! We'll have candy!
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