Spoiler alert: the apes of San Francisco rise up at the end of Rise of the Planet of the Apes and put the human race on a collision course for extinction. If this scenario were to really happen, though, it wouldn't likely start by the bay. BrowBeat contacted San Francisco zoo officials and the United States Department of Agriculture and found that only 25 apes currently reside in the Bay Area, meaning an ape uprising would likely be better contained than what's presented in the late-summer blockbuster. Phew. Dodged a bullet there, humanity. [Slate/BrowBeat]
I'm afraid of Don't Be Afraid of the Dark, but for silly reasons. It has something to do with the title, which sounds like either an eerie whisper at Neverland Ranch or a creepy Paul Anka hit, and the track record of Ms. Katie Holmes, who first tried to terrify us in 1999's hyper-dorky Teaching Mrs. Tingle. You'd think Scream maestro Kevin Williamson would want to explore a darker teen fantasy than "getting back at a mean teacher," but no -- this movie is the horror equivalent of the Nickelodeon Takes Over Your School sweepstakes. Your history instructor is getting slimed! With her own blood! Sweet!
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Hopefully you aren't tired of seeing Michelle Williams at the Academy Awards. The twice-nominated star stands a very good chance of becoming thrice nominated in 2012 thanks to her role as Marilyn Monroe in My Week With Marilyn. Whether or not the film holds water as an Oscar contender remains to be seen -- it will debut at the New York Film Festival in October -- but the first poster isn't concerned with any of that; it's all about Michelle-as-Marilyn. Click through for a look.
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Also in this Wednesday edition of The Broadsheet: Universal may have put Ouija back in the box... 360 heads to London... Ed Zwick will climb the The Great Wall... and more ahead.
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Lone Scherfig's One Day may have received mixed reviews last week but one aspect of the film has been universally panned: Anne Hathaway's distractingly shaky Leeds accent. In honor of the actresses's awkward Yorkshire articulation, LIFE has compiled a list of the twenty "Worst Accents in Movie History." Can you guess which actor is impressively listed three times?
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And now for some comedy casting news this lazy Tuesday afternoon: Jonah Hill has officially signed on to star in Neighborhood Watch alongside Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller. Lonely Island member Akiva Schaffer will direct the Fox feature which centers on a group of bored fathers who form a suburban neighborhood watch group as an excuse to spend time away from their families. Hill can be seen next in Moneyball opposite Brad Pitt and in David Gordon Green's R-Rated babysitting adventure The Sitter. [Deadline]
Cannes crowd-pleaser The Artist -- a black-and-white, silent (save the musical score) film about Hollywood in the '20s -- isn't tampering with the poster that ushered in its success: The Weinstein Company is reusing the gorgeous shot that led to the movie's best actor prize for Jean Dujardin. Michel Hazanavicius's Gallic flick hits the states on Nov. 23. Can you handle the intense Clark Gable/Claudette Colbert throwback?
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The directorial career of Ben Affleck is officially in overdrive: The Oscar-winning screenwriter is in talks to direct and star in Line of Sight, an actioner that "centers on an elite commando squad transporting cargo while dealing with a global threat." Transporting cargo! That old cinematic treat. Affleck is about to start work on Argo, a CIA drama set during the Iran hostage crisis. Ooh, intrigue! Delicious. I'm yelling, "Gobble, gobble" already. [THR]
Since its release at the end of July, Cowboys & Aliens has grossed around $110 million worldwide. That's not a washout on the level of The Worst Movie Ever!, but it's still a big enough disappointment to possibly dissuade future Hollywood genre mixes -- especially ones that deal with cowboy hats. Not that anyone should have been surprised by this underwhelming result -- even the guys from The Asylum stayed away from Cowboys & Aliens.
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Another day, another inventive bit of marketing for the indie drama Martha Marcy May Marlene. On the heels of the QR-coded trailers for the Sundance sensation that debuted online Monday, the Fox Searchlight team has released a motion poster of MMMM that is subtle, affecting and totally creepy. Awesome! If star Elizabeth Olsen is the next Jennifer Lawrence, she already has her predecessor beat; you didn't see a motion poster for Winter's Bone, did you? (Lawrence didn't get her first motion poster until The Hunger Games.) Click through for a look.
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So much for that bit of dubious casting! A rep tells Movieline that Darren Criss is not signed on to the next Bret Easton Ellis film Downers Grove (an adaptation of Michael Hornberg's thriller), even though Ellis took back the "tasteless" HIV-related joke he made about Glee. Downers Grove concerns "a cursed high school in the Chicago suburb of Downers Grove." Once upon a time I worked at a Barnes & Noble in Downers Grove, IL. The "Christian Inspiration" section was indeed haunting!
· With Muppets fever burning up the Internet in the lead-up to the release of The Muppets on Thanksgiving, what better time to watch a viral video involving your favorite felt characters? As part of the Green Album of Muppets covers, viral video kings OK Go sang "The Muppets Show Theme Song" and the corresponding clip is delightful. Click through to watch, then stick around for more Buzz Break.
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Last weekend was an especially brutal one for new releases, with Fright Night, Conan the Barbarian and Spy Kids: All the Time in the World all performing well below expectations. But numerous indies and other limited releases had it even worse: Renny Harlin's 5 Days of War grossed less than $7,000 on two screens. The Patrick Dempsey/Ashley Judd heist romcom Flypaper barely broke $1,000 in a pair of theaters. But something called The Worst Movie Ever! had arguably the worst movie opening ever: $11.
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Of all the movies to come out in 2003, did you expect Underworld to produce three sequels? Not The Italian Job? Or the ever-empowering What a Girl Wants? Well, in the upcoming fourth installment of the series, Underworld: Awakening (in 3D), Kate Beckinsale reprises her role from the first two films, vampire warrioress Selene, "who escapes imprisonment to find herself in a world where humans have discovered the existence of both Vampire and Lycan clans, and are conducting an all-out war to eradicate both immortal species." Sounds urgent. In the meantime, the movie's new teaser poster calls to mind 10 unmistakable images -- some of which are silly! Join us for some curated Beckinsale art.
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Sad news today from the world of words: the Concise Oxford English Dictionary announced that its 12th edition would no longer include the word "threequel." (Also gone, "cassette player"; weep for the '80s.) In honor of the dearly departed "threequel" -- defined as "the third film, book, event, etc. in a series; a second sequel," it will still appear in the less concise Oxford Dictionary of English -- Movieline has assembled a list of nine great third films. Click ahead to disagree with the list!
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