Yep, 'The Canyons' Looks Pretty Terrible

The Canyons Lindsay Lohan

I so wanted to be pleasantly shocked by The Canyons, the Paul Schrader-directed erotic L.A. noir starring wannabe comeback queen (and documented on-set terror, per that glorious NYT profile) Lindsay Lohan. The tongue-in-cheek trailer held some distant promise, although it was notably absent any extended look at the acting by LiLo and co-star/porn hunk James Deen, but now we've got three full unbroken minutes of The Canyons and, well, that comeback train's going to be delayed at the station... if not completely derailed off the tracks in a fiery blaze.

Where to begin?

- "This can't be my phone?!"
- Lohan waking in full make-up, as you do
- James Deen's "sleeping" performance
- That water bottle catch. Phew!
- Christian's entirely nonsensical plan to hide his girlfriend's phone, then replace it with a duplicate phone, but keep it by his bedside Ikea table with the ringer on
- The cringe-worthy domestic assault documented thusly in even more cringe-worthy fashion in the Times piece:

Deen came to life; throwing the negligée-wearing Lohan hard to the ground and pounding his fist into a wall with such fury I wondered if he had broken his hand. Lohan lay slumped on the floor, her hands guarding her face, shoulders shaking, tears pouring down her cheeks. Between takes, she listened to Ryan Adams’s cover of “Wonderwall.” After three shots, Schrader said he was satisfied, and Lohan fumbled for a cigarette. She headed downstairs, and someone complimented her work.

“Well, I’ve got a lot of experience with that from my dad.”

Yeesh. So much to digest in just under three minutes. Can't wait for the whole thing!

[via The Film Stage]


What People Are Missing In The NY Times Story On Lindsay Lohan

WATCH: Lindsay Lohan & James Deen Get Retro Canyons Teaser

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  • Morgan says:

    Yeah i was pretty skeptical about the acting when i read the NYT article. I think the writer of that was starstruck and easily impressed

  • SallyinChicago says:

    Paul Shrader, the producer and Brett Easton Ellis(?) have turned into downgraded hacks. Esp. Shrader, I just saw Raging Bull this week and he was a very good writer. He's lost it hasn't he?

  • dufus says:

    needs more cowbell

  • John A. Estrada says:

    my best friend's mom makes $73/hour on the internet. She has been laid off for 8 months but last month her pay check was $16898 just working on the internet for a few hours. Read more on this web site...

  • The performances look fine to me, given the kind of characters they're meant to be portraying (Lohan somewhat put upon by Deen's malevolent nasty bit of work), but the editing looks terribly clumsy, which in turn makes the performances look ropey.

  • Larry says:

    OMG OMG OMG She is not ready for a come back ...SORRY She needs some print work for now. Her acting and her looks have suffered and she needs more time...She can do it but just not right at this time..I wish her the best....And please no more plastic surgery....Holy crap.......