So Kate Winslet Married A Guy Named Ned Rocknroll
You've probably heard by now that actress and noted possessor of ethereal beauty Kate Winslet went and married herself a new husband earlier this month. We have no idea if these two crazy kids can make it work, but here's hoping they decide to have kids, because husband number 3 is walking around with the unlikely name of Ned Rocknroll.
So who is this guy? Strangely, he isn't a former Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver or an L.A. Laker. As it turns out, if you heard the name 'Ned Rocknroll' and thought 'eccentric millionaire,' you'd be 100 percent right. Ned is Richard Branson's nephew; he currently ekes out a living on what must surely be a pauper's wage as the head of marketing promotion and something called 'Astronaut Experience' at Branson's commercial spaceflight company, Branson Galactic.
Mr. Rocknroll obviously wasn't born into the Rocknroll family. Cursed at birth with the impossibly bland name of 'Ned Abel Smith,' he chose his much more memorable moniker, according to ex wife Eliza Pearson, because he thinks people take themselves too seriously. Practicing what he preaches, he legally changed his name to one that would ensure neither he, nor anyone else, would be able to do that to him again. Fun fact: it turns out that you can't legally choose a single name as your official name, which is why he went with Ned Rocknroll instead of his first choice, just 'Ned.' Sorry, Morrissey!
As far as crazy names go, Rocknroll doesn't quite live up to the standard that Douglas Adams established with Wonko the Sane from So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish, but it'll do in a pinch. And should he begin to be taken seriously again, we'd like to note that 'Ochocinco' is available again, thanks to Chad Johnson's boring decision to revert to his birth name.
In the meantime, what do we call the happy couple? Ked? Rocknslet? Winsroll?
Ross Lincoln is a LA-based freelance writer from Oklahoma with an unhealthy obsession with comics, movies, video games, ancient history, Gore Vidal, and wine. Follow him on twitter (@rossalincoln).
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