The 9 Most Offensively Stupid Parts of Pitbull’s Men in Black 3 Theme Song

As if you didn't already have enough reason to be afraid of the coming megabudgeted cash-in that is Men in Black 3, here comes the sequel's poppy theme song, courtesy of rapper Pitbull and not franchise star/Fresh Prince Will Smith. Oh, it gets worse: "My 19-year-old daughter turned me on to Pitbull," explained director Barry Sonnenfeld (via NME). "I'm thrilled that he wrote such a great song for our movie that totally gets it." If this monstrosity "totally gets it," we're all screwed. Hit the jump to listen and find out why.

Where do I even begin... How about by listing, in no particular order, the 9 worst, most idiotic and insufferable and insulting parts of this future hit single, which already inexplicably has 2,000 likes on Facebook and has virtually nothing to do with the movie itself?

1. The co-opting of Mickey & Sylvia’s "Love is Strange" AKA that song from Dirty Dancing that Jennifer Grey and Patrick Swayze crawled across the floor to which now sounds like that horrid Fatboy Slim "Brimful of Asha" remix.

2. Someone wrote these lyrics: "Excuse me, baby/Yeah, you baby/You’re groovy baby/let’s make a movie baby..."

3. Pitbull's spoken intro, in which he claims to be "reporting live from Cape Canaveral." YES OF COURSE YOU ARE.

4. "Black suits, white shirts, black glasses with a matching tie/like Agent J or Agent K and I wish the whole world would..." And aliens and dress socks and I wish the whole world would, too. You know.

5. "I’m trying to make a billion out of fifteen cents." Oh, the crass commercialization of perverting an iconic rap line about desperate street hustling into a throwaway lyric in your blockbuster tie-in pop-rap ditty. It is hard to be legit and still pay your rent, isn't it Pitbull?

6. "Give credit where credit is due/Know that I don’t give a number two." Worst. Line. Ever. You get credit for that for always.

7. At last, some words of truth: "To understand the future we have to go back in time…" Like to before I ever heard this song? Is that possible?? You see, in the movie Will Smith's Agent J has to go back to the 1960s to save Agent K and, um, learn things. About the future. Clearly Pitbull was only given the Men in Black 3 synopsis to go off of while writing this.

8. Something something "Ray Charles." Because why not?

9. "Let’s save the world/Men in Black/I know y’all understand." Nope, I do not. At all.

Sigh. Who else needs a palate cleanser? Here, this should suffice:

"Back in Time" is credited to songwriters Armando C. Perez (Pitbull), Marc Kinchen, Adrian Trejo and Urales Vargas. Men in Black 3 is in theaters May 25.

[via Coming Soon]