Crackhead Chipwrecked Flasher Gives New Meaning to Theatrical Exhibition

Let's play a little game of Would You Rather, felony crime edition: Would you rather sit through all of Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, or have a naked man flash your children from the first row of a movie theater? That's the conundrum some parents were faced with last weekend in a Chicago area multiplex when one Edward L. Brown interrupted an afternoon showing of the latest Fox chipmunk sequel. Details inside! (And it only gets weirder!)

According to the Riverside-Brookfield Landmark (via Jim Vejvoda at @StaxIGN), 34-year-old Brown gave fellow patrons at the North Riverside Park Mall's Classic Cinemas theater a shock on December 29:

About a half hour into the 4 p.m. showing of the kiddie feature Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked, police say an entirely naked Edward L. Brown stood up from his seat in the front row, faced the crowd of 86 theater-goers, stretched out his hands and displayed his genitalia for all to see before sitting back down to enjoy the movie.

(Note reporter Bob Uphues's detail that the butt-naked Brown displayed himself "before sitting back down to enjoy the movie." Nice touch.)

Even better than Brown's bizarre naked nonchalance? The explanation he gave police when they promptly arrested him onsite:

According to the police report, Brown told officers that he had been let inside the movie theater for free by an unknown female who allegedly told him to have a seat in the front row of the theater, take off his clothes and wait for her, so they could have sex, smoke crack and do heroin.

Classy! And really strange! Sounds like someone may have gotten punk'd. Just sayin'.

Brown was charged with "three felony counts of sexual exploitation of children, aged 4, 6 and 6; one misdemeanor count of sexual exploitation of a minor aged 14; and one misdemeanor count of disorderly conduct;" the theater patrons, meanwhile, were given refunds and ticket vouchers to see the rest of Chipwrecked another time.

And so I ask, which is worse: Being flashed by some weirdo sex-crazed drug user at the movies, or having to sit through Chipwrecked twice? And consider Brown himself. He may have landed in jail with multiple gross felony counts to his name, but at least he didn't add insult to injury by paying to see Chipwrecked. And in fairness, those Chipmunks don't wear pants, either.

Naked man interrupts 'Chipmunks' at North Riverside Mall theater [Riverside-Brookfield Landmark]