The 20 Most Anticipated Moviegoing Dates of 2012

Who's excited for 2012? I said, Who's excited for 2012? Oh. Well, it's coming whether you want it or not, and Mayan doomsday predictions and a U.S. presidential election aside, there is stuff to look forward to. Get your calendars ready and read on for 20 dates worth saving at the movies alone.

Jan. 6: The Devil Inside becomes the millionth exorcist movie to open in theaters, thus netting a $3 million cash prize and earning the producers and 20 of their closest friends a free party at Dave and Buster's.

Jan. 15: In a craven, ruinous grab for ratings, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association invites a suicide bomber to host the Golden Globe Awards.

Jan. 20: Coriolanus makes its official post-Oscar-qualifying debut in theaters. Take Stephanie and Louis and my words for it: You really should see it.

Feb. 10: Watch a Michael Caine paycheck role come alive as you've never seen it before -- in the eye-popping 3-D family adventure Journey 2: The Mysterious Island.

Feb. 26: "Ziss ees for you, Uggie": Jean Dujardin dedicates his Best Actor prize at the 84th Academy Awards to his criminally underrecognized canine co-star.

March 2: Holy shit, they really made Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters? With Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton and Famke Janssen? Wow. OK. I guess this opens today.

March 9: Disney commences counting how much money it lost on the ultra expensive, roundly buzzless John Carter.

March 23: Fangirl civil war erupts as The Hunger Games makes its first incursion against the creaky, sparkly Twilight empire. The rest of us, faced only with the sad counterprogramming spectacle of A Thousand Words, flee to art-house refugee camps nationwide.

April 27: The crackerjack comic duo of Jason Segel and Emily Blunt Alison Brie and Jacki Weaver co-star in The Five-Year Engagement

June 22 -- Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter winds up a distressing month of predatorily-titled blockbusters including Snow White and the Huntsman, Jack the Giant Killer and Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted. Which is fine, because you're going to be watching the awesome-looking, June 8-opening Prometheus for the fifth time this weekend, anyway.

July 20 -- The Dark Knight Rises opens! To quote Bane, the film's excited villain: "Fghrlkdjhafskdfbldkbsj."

July 27: Tyler Perry's The Marriage Counselor reaches theaters, finally exposing audiences everywhere to the subtle dramatic charms of Kim Kardashian. I smell a Verge! Or maybe it's just Valtrex.

Aug. 17: Boldly leaping to the front of the Oscar-season line, the Los Angeles Film Critics Association moves up its awards-voting date to Aug. 20 after seeing The Expendables 2.

Sept. 28: The year of Taylor Kitsch -- previously comprising John Carter and Battleship -- concludes with the only one of his films any grown-ass adult wants to actually see: The Oliver Stone pot-cartel thriller Savages, co-starring Beinicio Del Toro, Salma Hayek, Uma Thurman, John Travolta, Blake Lively and Emile Hirsch.

Oct. 12: From Kevin James and his Zookeeper director Frank Coraci comes the teacher-turned-MMA moonlighter comedy Here Comes the Boom. I only bring it up because Jesus will weep so copiously that you might start filling and stacking sandbags now.

Oct. 19: Ryan Gosling. Emma Stone. Josh Brolin. Sean Penn. Gangster Squad. That is all.

Nov. 16: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 concludes the billion-dollar franchise, instantly prompting millions of prodigious sobbing binges. But enough about Taylor Lautner's management team.

Nov. 21: The visionary filmmaker Alfonso Cuaron returns with Gravity, which draws a robust opening-weekend crowd with its promise of showing Sandra Bullock shot into space.

Dec. 19: Kathryn Bigelow's as-yet-unnamed Osama bin Laden movie -- working title: Banned in Pakistan -- reaches theaters.

Dec. 25: A very DiCaprio Christmas gets underway with Django Unchained and The Great Gatsby. Enjoy 2012, everyone!

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  • Charles says:

    I *was* excited for 2012 -- until I saw the "Ghost Rider 2" trailer this past weekend.

    • S.T. VanAirsdale says:

      I hear you. Hang in there, though -- P.T. Anderson's 'The Master' isn't scheduled yet, so that should hopefully even everything out.

  • AS says:

    August 17th is the best.

  • Chris says:

    What about the little fellas in the big movie from New Zealand?

  • Serena says:

    "The Hunger Games" is actually an excellent sociopolitical dystopian action/horror story. That may not sound as artistically fulfilling as the "millionaire dresses like bat to fight criminals dressed as cats and scarecrows" movie, but it has its charm.

    • AS says:

      I guess its charm lies in the fact that it completely steals its premiss from Battle Royale, only, its softened up for a PG-13. Very charming indeed.

      • sinawazzle says:

        There are similarities, yes. But let's face it, there are no more original stories anymore. Everything's been copied from one thing or another. :/

      • Jen Yamato says:

        Eh, it's got a teenage battle royale but there's much more to the series, if you read the books. Which. Are. So. Addictive. So sure, blast Collins for cribbing that much from Battle Royale, but the rest comes alive on its own.

  • mm says:

    Hey u forgot the avengers and the amazing spiderman!

    And hunger games isn't just some 'fan' movie it's really good and def. More depth

    Would you call Harry Potter a fan girl movie? No? Then don't ride off HG like that too

    • S.T. VanAirsdale says:

      >>Hey u forgot the avengers and the amazing spiderman!

      No, I didn't.

      >>And hunger games isn’t just some ‘fan’ movie it’s really good and def. More depth


      >>Would you call Harry Potter a fan girl movie? No? Then don’t ride off HG like that too

      You're ride, I'm sorry.

  • A.A. J. says:

    I love how Vanairsdale dismisses The Hunger Games fans as "fangirls" when writing about The Hunger Games and then writes just like a....fanboy(whose getting a rise in his underooos when thinking/writing) about The Dark Knight Rises, Prometheus, The Avengers, The Amazing Spiderman.

    • S.T. VanAirsdale says:

      What? I didn't even write about Avengers or Spider-Man! And I poked fun at TDKR. God, I guess I am a hipster asshole.

    • Ola says:

      'cause fangirls movies don't deserve seriously treatment.Why? 'cause this is male critics decision.And twilight saga is the proof.All this condom costiume batman diserves soooo much respect,you know.

  • A.A.J. says:

    S.T.....the thing is, I bet that you're not really a hipster asshole. It's just that you're trying very hard to be one. Why don't you stand apart from the rest of the hacks at Movieline?...give it a try.

    • Jen Yamato says:

      He isn't a hipster asshole! I can vouch for this.


      Hack Hunger Games Fangirl

      • Charles says:

        Wait a minute -- "he"? S.T. is a man?

        OOOOPS (blushing). Sorry about referring to you as "her" a few days back, S.T. (I guess it was the lipstick that threw me off.)

  • Frank Roberts says:

    Uhm, seriously. No love for Hobbits?

  • You Got Served says:

    What about The Place Beyond the Pines and Haywire?

  • Yorkshire Peppermint says:

    What about Safe House?

    hahahahahah JUST KIDDING!

  • TheContext says:

    As a grown-ass adult, I will totally be the first in line to watch John Carter in an otherwise empty theater. Team Stanton, Pixar fanboy till I die, etc, etc.

  • Danielle says:

    Seeking a Friend for the End of the World just might be the year's best "rom-com". :)

  • karly says:

    I can´t wait to see The Hunger Games!!!

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