George Clooney's Suicidal Side, and 5 Other Stories You'll Be Talking About Today

Happy Monday! Also in today's edition of The Broadsheet: The ripoff artistry of the L.A. Times... Vanity Fair has a surprising new film critic... Atlas Shrugged has a blurb problem... The "Chocolate Rain" guy explains the economy... and more.

· In the same interview where he opened up about his icky first orgasm, George Clooney apparently elaborated as well about the suicidal thoughts he experienced following the spinal injury he suffered on the set Syriana: "I was at a point where I thought, 'I can't exist like this. I can't actually live.' [...] You start to think in terms of, you don't want to leave a mess, so go in the garage, go in the car, start the engine. It seems like the nicest way to do it, but I never thought I'd get there. See, I was in a place where I was trying to figure out how to survive." Yikes. In any case, I'd say it all worked out? [Rolling Stone via EW]

· It was bad enough when the L.A. Times ripped off Movieline's interactive map of Drive locations. Now they've got something called The Gold Standard -- basically a copied, pasted, and slighty reconstituted version of our Oscar Index without any legitimate analysis or insight. Go over and check it out, and then leave a comment telling them how much more you prefer their features when they appear on this site weeks earlier. [LAT]

· Hey, this is fun: Writer-director Paul Mazursky is now the film critic in residence at Vanity Fair. First up: Melancholia. Seriously. [VF.com]

· Even more fun: The bozos behind Atlas Shrugged: Part 1 have recalled the first run of DVD's because of a blurb alluding to "Ayn Rand's timeless novel of courage and self-sacrifice." Bzzzzt. The new covers will say, "Ayn Rand's timeless novel of rational self-interest." The sexy silhouette will remain, of course! [Badass Digest]

· Thinking of moving to Tehran? Don't take your dog. [Guernica via Andrew Sullivan]

· Below you'll find Zay Tonday -- AKA the "Chocolate Rain" guy -- singing a new primer on our current economic crisis. It's catchy! (And pretty damn inspired overall, honestly.)

[via Gawker]